I went to read everything you have posted so far to be able to respond and in the meantime just about everything I wanted to say has been said already
I've been around horses for more than 45 years and have had all my horses for a very long time. That means I knew them inside out, we live with each other, first thing in the morning for me is going to look out the window to check if they're okay, even before I go to the bathroom. So you can safely say I know my horses very well. I know I can trust them, and how far I can trust them. But even they have moments where they won't pay attention for a second, and may step on me. Or spook and bump into me running off. Do I blame them or accuse them of trying to kill me? No, certainly not. Do I reprimand them? HECK YEAH!!! You act within 2 seconds, because that's how long they associate one with the other, AS IF I WILL EAT THEM ALIVE, RIGHT THEN AND THERE. They are big, heavy and strong. I am not. What they do to each other might kill or seriously hurt me. Therefore I have to get ingrained in their mind that they cannot do it and better react when I raise my voice. And they do. They know when I'm serious.
This doesn't mean that I don't love on them. Or have them stand like soldiers all the time. They know the difference. But not with sweet talking them into it.
Everybody here who has read my posts can tell you I'm always pro- horse. So when I, or other long time horse folks here say that a horse is spoiled and is taking the whole hand when given a finger it's not to hurt the horse. It's to help the horse. And the owner who possibly lacks experience or guidance. Sometimes even to the extent to suggest finding another owner for the horse and a better suited horse for the newbie.
So what Cherie said and explained is not to hurt you or your mare. It is to help both of you.
Keep in mind also, it's not easy to describe some things in writing. So they might sound harsh, or easy, or stupid, or mean. Or weird in my case, since English is not my mother language
Now seeing your situation, if you can't get any real live hands-on help at your barn, maybe you could look into one of the NH trainer clinics and attend one for a weekend with your horse, and your daughter. That will give you guidance, hands-on, right then and there, and help you " rate" your horse better in certain situations.
With horses you can read a lot, watch videos, all you want, but nothing beats the learning by doing.