Alright. I didn't feel like going through all the posts (dearie me.) But I thought I'd put my two cents in.
I really dislike draw reins for western pleasure because it usually just dumps them on the forehand. The most important thing I'm going to tell you is right now: When your horse is loping and moving off of her hind end correctly, the 'headset' will come naturally. It's simple mechanics. When she can use her hind end and lift her back, the neck comes down to balance out the upper half of her body.
So what happens if you put her in a 'frame' before she's properly moving on her hind end?
She dumps on the forehand.
Ditch the draw reins, and the first thing you have to teach her to do is to accept normal rein pressure. The problem you're running into right now is that when you grab at her to fix her in draw reins, she has no other option but to put her head down. When you grab at her in regular reins, there is no 'downward' pull, so her head goes right up.
Start with one rein, and flex her to the inside whilst keeping her on a small circle. When she gives her head and relaxes, release the rein. You might have to bump her lightly with your inside leg to get her to soften, but you cannot skip this step. She needs to learn to RELEASE when you pick up the reins! If you pull her to the inside and her head moves but you can still feel a pull on the reins, she's not releasing. Wait, however long it is, for her to release. This needs to become automatic. And of course, do the same in the other direction.
Once she's relatively good flexing to side to side, now you start to straighten her head out. Use your inside rein more then the other, and the outside rein 'bumps' LIGHTLY to get her to give her face. When you are going straight, you want her to drop her head on the vertical. Try not to teach her to go behind the vertical, it does nothing for collection.
Once you can get her face in this method, then you move to two reins, or one hand. When you pull up with both reins lightly, she needs to give her face. Remember, start out light and stay there until she releases.
You can't skip these steps if you want her to learn to be really soft in the bridle. Draw reins just don't cut it.
As for her headset and frame, just work on getting her to give to the bridle. As she gets softer her neck will relax, and as you push her on, she'll learn to carry herself and you'll watch her neck just fall into place. When you get there, then you can start asking her to keep it there for consistency.
Hope this helps!
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