First off. Much of this I needed to hear. Thank you. With that said, I love constructive critisism, and tough love is great, but using "extremes" (always, never, completely, nobody, etc) to add shock value to your opinions (which, lets face it, going off your other posts and your signature, is kind of what you're known for here) is a bit unnecessary. So comments are bolded below :)
You wanted a critique of your ad, so here it comes.
Yes I did. Thank you for replying :)
Nobody cares that he's an ex-racer. That's completely immaterial. He's a 9 y/o TB, period.
When I'm shopping for a horse, I care, not because racing is useful now, but because, as someone mentioned later, they're raised differently from the start. I'm happy to remove it, but personally this is history I like to know.
Bloodlines are also immaterial, as he's a gelding. There aren't a whole lot of breed shows for TBs, so the average rider won't care about his bloodlines.
You have a good point here. I'll remove this when I rewrite the ad
90 days professional training how long ago? If it's been awhile and he's been unused, he may need a refresher.
Also a good point, I'll definitely add this information
Take out the parts about your family, trail riding, kids, blah, blah, blah. Nobody cares about that. When I'm looking to buy, I want to know about the horse not extra, useless information.
Again, this is information I like to know. I want to know WHY someone is selling a horse, and I always ask, so I added it. Just a preference though.
You don't have any idea what his actual potential might be, so leave that out. He's not suited for trails, so leave the idea about what he might be good for up to the potential buyer.
Considering I've been riding for 20 years, I've owned this horse for 5, and consulted the professionals that trained him, I think I have some idea of what he might be good at. There's that extreme language again :) but yes this could probably be left out.
Also leave out the part about 'due to his breed'. It's not a breed thing, it's an individual horse thing whether or not he's suitable for certain things.
You are correct.
A real rider doesn't WANT an 'in your pocket pony'. What we want is a pleasant, easy to get along with horse. If I want a dog, I'll get one.
This one is just plain obnoxious. I'm sorry but again, suggesting that anyone that doesn't care about what YOU care about isn't a "Real Rider" is absurd. I like a friendly horse. I love my all business mare, but I like an affectionate animal as long as they're respectful. Also, you can remove the quotation marks. I never once said pony, that dramatization is all yours.
Leave out all the folksy talk, and post pictures instead of saying they're available by email. 99% of people looking for a riding horse are going to pass by an ad with no pictures.
For lack of better quesion, what the **** is "folksy talk?" And yes, I do need better pictures for sure.
You also need pictures of him being ridden, under saddle stood up properly, and unsaddled conformation shots. Pictures of him lounging around in the pasture are unprofessional and useless if you're trying to sell him as a performance animal.
Yuppers. Better pictures are a must
If you want to actually sell the horse get rid of the folksy talk, useless information, post useful pictures, and tighten up the ad. What I want to know is his training, temperament, whether or not he has any bad habits, does he trailer easily, his correct height (do NOT guess), and any medical or physical issues that he might have, such as being a cribber, or needing shoes because he has bad feet.
^ this. Good critique.
Your ad is awful, which is why you haven't had anyone contact you. Plus, he's a hot, spooky horse and is suitable only for intermediate or advanced riders, which cuts down even more the potential pool of interested buyers.
In retrospect, yes the ad is awful for sure. I will definitely rewrite it with better information and pictures. Thanks again.