Does this ad sound ok?
 
 

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Does this ad sound ok?

This is a discussion on Does this ad sound ok? within the Horses for Sale forums, part of the Horse Resources category

     
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        09-12-2009, 04:40 PM
      #1
    Yearling
    Does this ad sound ok?

    Working very well in the menage. Rubon is a very talented younge man who is very brave and a very quick learner. Has competed in several showjumping, cross country and eventer trial events and is always in the ribons, he is a very willing pony and has so much potensial behind him. Rubon is a vert attractive pony and due to such godd movment and markings will go very far in showing. He has currently been over a 2'3ft showjumping course and proved very sensible and flew over fillers, planks, gates, wall,spreads and uprights with ease. At cross country he has been up and down steps, ditches, longs, wall, styles, tires ect. Will go far in any sphere. Excellent to hack will go first or last, good in traffic. Rubon has a personality to die for, he's calm, gentle and loves fuss including cuddles and kisses. He does not stress in a competition atmosphere and is good with other horses icluding mares, gelding and youngestock, as he is currently turned out with my 4 month old filly and a competition mare and thier has been no problems at all. Fantatic to show, clip, load, travel, handle and is very good with other farm animals. 200% in everyway. Vaccinated, Microchipped, Wormed and passported. Very sad sale due to no fault of his own, 3500 ono including tack. Please email/Phone me for more information and photos.




    Do I need to add anything
         
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        09-12-2009, 07:07 PM
      #2
    Green Broke
    I'm just going to go through what I see.



    You misspelled "young" in the first line.

    "ribbons" in the second line.

    Is he actually a pony or is he a small horse? Either way you need his height in there

    "potential" in the third line

    "very" and "good" in the fourth

    Here's how I would write it:

    "Rubon" is a very talented and brave young gelding. At ____ years old, he has competed in showjumping, eventing, and cross country competitions and is always in the ribbons. He's an extremely willing pony and a quick learner. Because Rubon is an attractive and big moving gelding, he will go far in the show ring of your choice. He is currently jumping 2'3" courses and is brave over everything (including planks, gates, ditches, tires, banks, walls, etc.). This beautiful guy is very willing to be first or last when hacking and is great in traffic. Rubon has a personality to die for. He's calm, gentle, and loves kisses. Great in a show atmosphere and with other horses (including mares and young colts). Clips, ties, bathes, etc. Rubon gives you 200% every time and would make a great addition to any home. He is for sale due to no fault of his own, and I am sad to part with him. UTD on vaccinations, worming and is microchipped and has a passport. Rubon is offered for sale at 3500 obo including tack. Please contact me for more photos and information.


    Just my two cents!
         
        09-12-2009, 07:10 PM
      #3
    Green Broke
    Great re-write, eventerdrew!
         
        09-13-2009, 03:00 PM
      #4
    Yearling
    Sorry I didnt post my full ad on, I will do that now and I will recorrect spellings.

    'Prince Charming.' 14.2hh 8 year old skebald gelding, irish x. Who is a great pleasure to own. Rubon is a fantastic mover who has been professionaly started and establised in all the basics, Working very well in the menage. Rubon is a very talented young man who is very brave and a very quick learner. Has competed in several showjumping, cross country and eventer trial events and is always in the ribbons, he is a very willing pony and has so much potensial behind him. Rubon is a vert attractive pony and due to such godd movment and markings will go very far in showing. He has currently been over a 2'3ft showjumping course and proved very sensible and flew over fillers, planks, gates, wall,spreads and uprights with ease. At cross country he has been up and down steps, ditches, longs, wall, styles, tires ect. Will go far in any sphere. Excellent to hack will go first or last, good in traffic. Rubon has a personality to die for, he's calm, gentle and loves fuss including cuddles and kisses. He does not stress in a competition atmosphere and is good with other horses icluding mares, gelding and youngestock, as he is currently turned out with my 4 month old filly and a competition mare and thier has been no problems at all. Fantatic to show, clip, load, travel, handle and is very good with other farm animals. 200% in everyway. Vaccinated, Microchipped, Wormed and passported. Very sad sale due to no fault of his own, 3500 ono including tack. Please email/Phone me for more information and photos.


    That's my origonal, eventerdrew I might use some of your ideas when I rewrite my ad, thanks..



    Just for anyones interest, this is a video inlcuding some photoss.
         

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