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post #11 of 28 Old 11-12-2009, 04:52 PM Thread Starter
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okidoki, second draft. i changed a few things based on the comments that were left, however im really unsure about the last paragraph.

Hello, my name is [My name] and I saw your ad for [Horse’s Name].

I am not a beginner rider; I have been trained in jumping, but I am looking for a dressage horse as I am planning on pursuing that course. I am looking for a horse that has enough energy to make things interesting, yet a horse that I can control without too much difficulty.

From the ad, it sounds as though [horse’s name] has the qualities I am looking for in a potential mount. I do however have a few questions. First of all, is she patient? Does she constantly want to go faster or keep moving? While grooming does she stand and let you brush her or does she constantly move around waiting for you finish? Secondly, what type of rider does she need? Can almost anybody ride her comfortable or does she need a confident experienced rider in order for her to perform? Does she have any bad habits such as bucking or bolting that may be a concern.

As I am only 14 y/o, my trainer would also have to be there if we were to arrange a time to view the horse.

If you need to verify that I'm not just a teenager 'wish buying', you may contact my parent/guardian at [phone number] His/her name is [parent’s name]. If you would like to contact my trainer, her name is [Name] and you can reach her at [phone number]. If you are interested in contacting me you can reach me at [phone number] or [cell number].

Thank you,
[My name]
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post #12 of 28 Old 11-12-2009, 06:38 PM
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I wouldnt do that. I had my mare for sale and I didnt like it very much when people were to formal. Some scammers were like that to me. I wouldnt put your age until a couple more email, IMO. This is what I would put:

SUBJECT: Your Mare
I would like to know if your mare/gelding/stud/foal is still for sale. Is she/he sound, UTD on shots? Is she/he OK with other horses? Could you send me more pics of her/him? I'm interested in her/him!
Thanks!
MY NAME

Of course, the way I write that varies. Thats just a quick sample. Yours sounds good, too,though.

Yours sounds very mature for a 14 y/o. I have gotton emails from 12-14 years olds and they sound really immature. ex:

Hi! I really really really like you horse I want to buy it but i dont have alot of $. Would you take less for it? I really <3 horses and want my own!

I would probably respond to that, but i wouldnt enjoy it,lol.
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post #13 of 28 Old 11-12-2009, 06:44 PM
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One small correction -- "Can almost anybody ride her comfortably . . .'
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post #14 of 28 Old 11-12-2009, 06:51 PM
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I think your email sounds very professional. Obviously make sure your parents and trainer are aware that you are giving out contact information.

I agree about the price portion - merely ask if the price is negotiable.

When you're asking your questions, I try not to be that specific. Sellers can sometimes answer those questions with "yes" or "no" but they don't give you the full story. If you ask, "Is she patient?" and let the owner take that where ever he/she wants, you're bound to get more information. I.e. "Yes, she's patient except when you..."

Also, watch your grammar! Punctuation marks, etc. Try not to use abbreviations like "y/o" and that sort of thing.
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post #15 of 28 Old 11-12-2009, 07:14 PM Thread Starter
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i don't know, what do you guys think? is it too proffesional? should i sound more my age?
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post #16 of 28 Old 11-12-2009, 07:27 PM
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Definitely NOT sound more your age.

There is nothing more annoying than a child emailing/calling about something for sale.

You want to act as mature and responsible as possible. You will gain the seller's respect and in turn they will be more willing to share honest information with you.
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post #17 of 28 Old 11-13-2009, 07:49 AM
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Maybe it's just me, but I think you should leave out your age for now, as some people will think you're not really buying, even with your parent/trainer info. I'd save that for later, if it's a horse you're going to go see. JMO :)
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post #18 of 28 Old 11-13-2009, 08:52 AM
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There is no such thing as too professional when you are doing business with someone. And buying a horse is doing business with someone.
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post #19 of 28 Old 11-13-2009, 09:00 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lonannuniel View Post
i don't know, what do you guys think? is it too proffesional? should i sound more my age?
No dear, your second draft reads very well except for the correction concerning the word comfortably.

You need to let the seller know your age up front, because the next thing they're going to want to do is speak to you on the telephone. If you don't let them know you're a teenager who has permission to be looking, they'll shut you down as soon as they hear your voice.

As Alwaysbehind said, this is a business transaction you're looking to make, so the more professional the better. Especially if you're a teen, because adults are always impressed with young people who sound and act mature.

Last edited by Speed Racer; 11-13-2009 at 09:05 AM.
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post #20 of 28 Old 11-13-2009, 10:11 AM Thread Starter
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okidoki! thanks everyone for the help! just one more small question:
What do i put if the name of the horse isn't listed? Should i put something like:

"Hello, my name is [Name] and I saw your ad about a Hanoverian mare that was for sale."

or

"Hello, my name is [Name] and I saw your ad about a grey Hanoverian mare that was for sale."

or

"Hello, my name is [Name] and I saw your ad about a Hanoverian that was for sale."

I know their all pretty much the same, but which one do you think is the best? or is there something else i should be saying if the name is not listed?
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