Cows and Politics Explained

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Cows and Politics Explained

This is a discussion on Cows and Politics Explained within the Jokes and Funnies forums, part of the Life Beyond Horses category

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    04-16-2009, 10:58 AM
Super Moderator
Cows and Politics Explained

I hope this isn't too controversial. If you mods think so, feel free to remove it. I don't want to offend anyone.

A christian democrat
You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

A socialist
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

An American republican
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

An American democrat
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.

A communist
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

A fascist
You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

Democracy, American style
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

Capitalism, American style
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

Bureaucracy, American style
You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

An American corporation
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A French corporation
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A Japanese corporation
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A German corporation
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A British corporation
You have two cows. They are mad. They die. Pass the shepherd's pie, please.

An Italian corporation
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A Russian corporation
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A Swiss corporation
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

A Brazilian corporation
You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

An Indian corporation
You have two cows. You worship both of them.

A Chinese corporation
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported on them.

An Israeli corporation
There are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?

An Arkansas corporation
You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
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    04-16-2009, 11:03 AM
Hahahah...very amusing.
    04-19-2009, 10:06 AM
Chat Moderator
LOL, very good
    04-19-2009, 08:06 PM
TaMMa, You have been hanging with americians to much and are
Acurring our sense of humor. LOL>>>>>
    04-20-2009, 10:40 AM
Super Moderator
Originally Posted by RegalCharm    
TaMMa, You have been hanging with americians to much and are
Acurring our sense of humor. LOL>>>>>
No no, I haven't written this one myself . I found a website which includes a lot of jokes like this and thought that was a fun one, copyed and posted it here. (Didn't post the website here because there's also a lot of raunchy jokes there and I know there are also very young peole on that forum).

Even if you've a great country and you're a great folk, I haven't lost my Finnish identity .
    04-23-2009, 12:13 AM
Australian Democracy...or beauracy...hmmm not sure.......
You have 200,000 head of cattle but loose 400 in a drought, 600 in the ensuing floods, 20 blew away in a cyclone, you ate 10 of them and the rest are looking kind of skinny. Then you get a bush fire and loose all but three who were in the middle of the herd. Then you try to sell those three to Woolworths who pay 30cents a kilo and sell a rump steak for $50 a kilo.
    04-23-2009, 03:29 PM
Super Moderator
Ahh, that sounds so sad, Kiki .

Our (and most of other Scandinavian countries) "cows" reminds a lot of that section called Democracy, American style.
    05-07-2009, 12:38 AM
Lmfao I like the russian corp. And the arkansas corp. Ones hehe they was funny
    05-13-2009, 03:37 AM
I know its sad but true. The amount Woolworths and other chains but beef at and then sell it is easily 300% more

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