Dear Cat/Dog and Guest !
 
 

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Dear Cat/Dog and Guest !

This is a discussion on Dear Cat/Dog and Guest ! within the Jokes and Funnies forums, part of the Life Beyond Horses category
  • Dearcat dog

 
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    12-24-2008, 04:10 PM
  #1
Banned
Talking Dear Cat/Dog and Guest !


To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - (pet nose height).

Dear Dogs and Cats:

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish. Nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king- sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.

Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom.

If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered.

Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets,
I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'niture.
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, they are an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted
Son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

     
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    12-24-2008, 08:24 PM
  #2
Super Moderator
Haha
     
    12-26-2008, 01:32 AM
  #3
Started
OK, but can you get the 18 year old cat to stop puking everywhere? The fur I can deal with but the vomit.....
     

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