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fun things

This is a discussion on fun things within the Jokes and Funnies forums, part of the Life Beyond Horses category
  • Fun things for prisoners

 
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    04-15-2008, 05:39 AM
  #1
Yearling
fun things

Work VS. Prison!

IN PRISON you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.

AT WORK you spend most of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON you get three meals a day (free).

AT WORK you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it yourself.

IN PRISON you get time off for good behavior.

AT WORK you get rewarded for good behavior with more WORK.

IN PRISON a guard locks and unlocks the doors for you.

AT WORK you must carry around a security card and unlock all the doors yourself.

IN PRISON you can watch TV and play games.

AT WORK you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON you get your own toilet.

AT WORK you have to share.

IN PRISON they allow your family and friends to visit.

AT WORK you can not even speak to your family and friends.

IN PRISON all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work at all.

AT WORK you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.

IN PRISON you spend most of your life looking through the bars from the inside wanting to get out.

AT WORK you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

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Want To Have Some Fun With Pesky Telemarketers?
Try These Hilarious Tips!

1) Talk really fast.

2) Make up your own language. Speak it.

3) Make up a one word language. Speak it.

4) Turn on the TV. Change the channel to one that only gets static. Turn the volume up really loud. Say that you can't hear them over the static.

5) Say, "This phone line is for emergency use only. Do you have an emergency?" If they say "Yes" say, "Please state the nature of the emergency." Then insist that their emergency isn't an emergency.If they say "No" say, "I'm sorry but this line is for emergencies only."

6) Pretend that you are a hostage negotiator, and try to get the telemarketer to release the hostages.

7) Order a large pepperoni pizza, some garlic bread, and a meatball sub.

8) Repeatedly dial the phone. Mutter that it isn't ringing.

9) Communicate only through Morse code.

10) Talk to the telemarketer. During the conversation dial the phone, and ask for Bill. Do this repeatedly.

11) Try to sell the telemarketer something.

12) Pretend to be an escaped mental patient. Mutter things like, "They'll never catch me again," "No! Not the jacket! No, no, no!" After saying one of these mutter incoherently.

13) Make him/her sing to get a sale.If a male sings, claim that he sounds like Britney Spears.If a female sings, claim that she sounds like Barry White.

14) Pretend to be really interested. Then say, "No."

15) Say nothing until he/she hangs up.

16) Ask the telemarketer for his/her home phone number.Claim that you need some time to think, and that you'll get back to them.

17) Say, "Yes" to whatever they are selling and hang up immediately afterwards.

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Fun At Work!

1) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

2) Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-Cha."

3) Send email to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."

4) Highlight your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as much since you did this.

5) Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout, slap yourself randomly the whole way.

6) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is of a different gender than you.

7) Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.

8) Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask them if they want fries with that.

9) Send email back and forth to yourself engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.

10) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.

11) Put your trash can on your desk. Label it "IN."

12) Send email messages saying there's free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, "oh you've got to be faster than that."

13) Put decaf in the coffeemaker for three weeks. Once everyone has withdrawn from a caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.

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30 ways to annoy your friends/co-workers

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. Say "Wouldnt you like to know?" everytime someone asks you a question.

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

12. Sniffle incessantly.

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

14. Name your dog "Dog."

15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions to "keep them tuned up."

16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

17. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace."

19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.

21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and copy them to your boss.

23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy."

27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.

28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

30. Disassemble your pen and "accidently" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

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    04-15-2008, 07:24 PM
  #2
Foal
SO FUNNY!

That is SO FUNNY!!! I like number 17 in "30 ways to annoy your friends/co-workers" ("Holler random numbers while someone is counting".) I know someone like that in my drumming group.
     
    04-15-2008, 07:36 PM
  #3
Showing
LOL those are funny!! & true, haha.
     

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