Funny E-mail I Got
 
 

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Funny E-mail I Got

This is a discussion on Funny E-mail I Got within the Jokes and Funnies forums, part of the Life Beyond Horses category

 
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    03-16-2010, 09:58 AM
  #1
Weanling
Talking Funny E-mail I Got

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word
For word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.


ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We
do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you ****ting me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were
there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a
new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much
of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the
autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing
law







'In God We Trust'
Will be on every e-mail
I send out from now on
because, I don't want to
lose our right to say it!.
     
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    03-16-2010, 10:21 AM
  #2
Foal
Hahahahah there sooo funny!!!! I think I could do better as an attorney hahahah lmao
     
    03-16-2010, 11:22 AM
  #3
Weanling
Haha. This made me laugh out loud :)
     
    03-16-2010, 03:18 PM
  #4
Green Broke
Lol! How dumb are some people?
     
    03-19-2010, 12:17 AM
  #5
Banned
Lol! This made me crack up! Rofl
     
    03-19-2010, 12:28 AM
  #6
Green Broke
Hahahahahaha
     
    03-19-2010, 06:05 AM
  #7
Weanling
I got that one to it's so funny
     
    03-19-2010, 06:11 AM
  #8
Green Broke
Haha there all so funny
Those attorney are real thick :P
     
    03-19-2010, 07:43 AM
  #9
Green Broke
As my best friend would say.. "FAIL"
     
    04-30-2010, 03:26 AM
  #10
Weanling
Hahaha these are sooo funnyy!
     



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