Funny E-mail I Got
   

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Funny E-mail I Got

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        03-16-2010, 08:58 AM
      #1
    Weanling
    Talking Funny E-mail I Got

    These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word
    For word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.


    ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
    WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
    ____________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    WITNESS: I forget.
    ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
    ___________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
    WITNESS: We both do.
    ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
    WITNESS: We
    do.
    ATTORNEY: You do?
    WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
    ____________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
    sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    ____________________________________

    ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
    WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
    ___________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    WITNESS: Are you ****ting me?
    _________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
    WITNESS: getting laid
    ____________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
    WITNESS: None.
    ATTORNEY: Were
    there any girls?
    WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a
    new attorney?
    ____________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
    WITNESS: By death.
    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
    WITNESS: Take a guess.

    ____________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
    WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
    _____________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
    deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
    people?
    WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much
    of a fight.
    _________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    WITNESS: Oral.
    _________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
    ____________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
    ______________________________________

    And the best for last:

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
    pulse?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
    began the
    autopsy?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
    nevertheless?
    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing
    law







    'In God We Trust'
    Will be on every e-mail
    I send out from now on
    because, I don't want to
    lose our right to say it!.
         
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        03-16-2010, 09:21 AM
      #2
    Foal
    Hahahahah there sooo funny!!!! I think I could do better as an attorney hahahah lmao
         
        03-16-2010, 10:22 AM
      #3
    Weanling
    Haha. This made me laugh out loud :)
         
        03-16-2010, 02:18 PM
      #4
    Green Broke
    Lol! How dumb are some people?
         
        03-18-2010, 11:17 PM
      #5
    Banned
    Lol! This made me crack up! Rofl
         
        03-18-2010, 11:28 PM
      #6
    Green Broke
    Hahahahahaha
         
        03-19-2010, 05:05 AM
      #7
    Weanling
    I got that one to it's so funny
         
        03-19-2010, 05:11 AM
      #8
    Green Broke
    Haha there all so funny
    Those attorney are real thick :P
         
        03-19-2010, 06:43 AM
      #9
    Green Broke
    As my best friend would say.. "FAIL"
         
        04-30-2010, 02:26 AM
      #10
    Weanling
    Hahaha these are sooo funnyy!
         

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