Horse Jokes!
 
 

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Horse Jokes!

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  • Horse joke with dusty
  • Lone ranger horse joke

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    08-03-2011, 11:05 PM
  #1
Weanling
Horse Jokes!

I found a few jokes that I thought were pretty cute/funny, and thought I would share them with everyone;

P.M.S. = Pissy Mare Syndrome


A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune... the Walmart manager sees her and shuts the horse off.


On a hot, dusty day a cowboy rode into a small frontier town. After dismounting, he walked behind his horse, lifted it's tail and kissed it where the sun don't shine.
An old man rocking by the general store witnessed the whole thing.
"Whudd'ya do that fer?" he asked.
"Got chapped lips," the cowboy replied.
The old man asked, "Does that help?"
The cowboy said, "Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' 'em."


Cowboy Prayer
May your horse never stumble,
Your spurs never rust,
May your guts never grumble,
Your cinch never bust!
May your boots never pinch,
Your crops never fail,
While you eat lots of beans,
And stay out of JAIL!
Calmwaters likes this.
     
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    08-03-2011, 11:26 PM
  #2
Weanling
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katze    

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune... the Walmart manager sees her and shuts the horse off.
^^ too funny! I was reading it and was like ' what? Why is this in a joke, falling off and getting a foot caught in a stirrup is no laughing matter' then I got to the end, and just had to chuckle!
     
    08-04-2011, 11:36 AM
  #3
Foal
I like the first one. Thanks for the jokes, everyone needs a good laugh once in a while.
     
    08-04-2011, 05:19 PM
  #4
Yearling
Haha love them! Too funny
     
    08-04-2011, 08:36 PM
  #5
Weanling
An out-of-towner accidentally drives his car into a deep ditch on the side of a country road. Luckily a farmer happened by with his big old horse named Benny. The man asked for help. The farmer said Benny could pull his car out. So he backed Benny up and hitched Benny to the man's car bumper. Then he yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull." Benny didn't move. Then he yelled, "Come on, pull Ranger." Still, Benny didn't move. Then he yelled really loud, "Now pull, Fred, pull hard." Benny just stood. Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Okay, Benny, pull." Benny pulled the car out of the ditch. The man was very appreciative but curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times. The farmer said, "Oh, Benny is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling he wouldn't even try."


WARNING THE FOLLOWING JOKE IS FOR ADULTS ONLY LOL!

The Lone Ranger's Last Request?

-- The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party. The Indian Chief proclaims, So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days. Before I kill you, I grant you three requests, what is your FIRST request?

The Lone Ranger responds, I'd like to speak to my horse. The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. You have a very fine and loyal horse, But, I will still kill you in two days. What is your SECOND request?
The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night.
The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow. What is your LAST request?
The Lone Ranger responds, I'd like to speak to my horse, alone. The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent. Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, Looks him square in the eye and says, Listen Very Carefully! FOR THE LAST TIME, I SAID "BRING POSSE"
Calmwaters likes this.
     
    08-05-2011, 01:16 AM
  #6
Green Broke
I love the Blonde one!
     
    08-05-2011, 01:48 AM
  #7
Banned
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katze    
The Lone Ranger's Last Request?

-- The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party. The Indian Chief proclaims, So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days. Before I kill you, I grant you three requests, what is your FIRST request?

The Lone Ranger responds, I'd like to speak to my horse. The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. You have a very fine and loyal horse, But, I will still kill you in two days. What is your SECOND request?
The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night.
The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow. What is your LAST request?
The Lone Ranger responds, I'd like to speak to my horse, alone. The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent. Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, Looks him square in the eye and says, Listen Very Carefully! FOR THE LAST TIME, I SAID "BRING POSSE"
I love it!!!
     
    08-09-2011, 01:05 AM
  #8
Yearling
AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! Love the Lone Ranger one!
     
    08-09-2011, 02:00 PM
  #9
Weanling
Feel free to put up jokes people lol!!
     
    08-09-2011, 02:40 PM
  #10
Yearling
One day a man passed by a farm and saw a beautiful horse. Hoping to buy the animal, he said to the farmer: "I think your horse looks pretty good, so I'll give you $500 for him."
"He doesn't look so good, and he's not for sale," the farmer said.
The man insisted, "I think he looks just fine and I'll up the price to $1,000."
"He doesn't look so good," the farmer said, "but if you want him that much, he's yours."
The next day the man came back raging mad. He went up to the farmer and screamed, "You sold me a blind horse. You cheated me!"
The farmer calmly replied, "I told you he didn't look so good, didn't I?"


Three race horses stood in their stalls. One said to other others: "I ran 20 races and I won 15 of them!" he bragged. The next said with a snort, "Well, I ran 30 races and won 25 of them!" Then the third horse spoke up proudly, "Yeah, I ran 41 races and won 39 of them!" This seemed to settle the topic when the horses noticed a Greyhound outside their stalls. The Greyhound said, "I ran 100 races and I won 99 of them." The horses looked at each other in amazement and one gasped, "Wow!
A talking greyhound!"


Q: How to make a small fortune in the horse industry ...
A: start with a large fortune.
     

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