How many riders does it take to change a lightbulb? - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 13 Old 08-18-2010, 03:28 PM Thread Starter
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How many riders does it take to change a lightbulb?

Saw this on a website today, didn't see that this one had been posted before, only the how many horses does it take. I'll still post that one too in my next post.


--Author Unknown

Western Pleasure Rider: Oh, my God, someone fix that bulb, I have to have light so that my silver and spangles glow and shimmer and so that all the highlighter on Old Peanut Head makes his nose look all smooth and sparkly...oh, maybe you there, the one without all the silver on your saddle, obviously you can't ride, you can do it.

Endurance Rider: Light bulb? Light bulb?! Do you mind, I'm trying to get my horse's atrociously high pulse/respiration/hydration levels down to a respectable level. Once that's done, I have another 50 miles to go before I can even think about changing a light bulb.

Dressage Queen: Change a light bulb? Are you joking? I couldn't possibly be expected to subject myself to such a menial task. Change it yourself. Oh, and wash your hands when you are finished. The very thought!

Classical Dressage Queen: These things cannot be rushed, but must be approached slowly, with great patience, and adherence to the principles laid down by the classical masters, otherwise the light bulb will not attain its true potential, but will forever just be a shadow of its true self. Never, ever, use any type of gadget when changing the light bulb. That is an offence to the principles of classical light bulb changing.

Three-Day Eventer: Wuss! As soon as my arm is out of this sling (it was broken after falling off at that stone wall while riding hell bent for leather cross-country), I'll change it. Until then, deal with the dark. It'll put hair on your chest. Only dressage riders require lights, anyway.

Show Jumper: Why on Earth would I need to change a light bulb when the whole world knows that the sun shines out of my butt? Why, when I release over a jump, the spectators are practically blinded.

Natural Horseman: You must instil respect in the light bulb, so that it sees you as the Alpha light bulb, using "light bulb dynamics" (video set available at $179.00 on my Website). Once you have done this, you will find that there is really no need to change the light bulb at all, but that the light bulb will, with very little coaxing from you (using patented "light bulb coaxer" designed by me - $99.00 each, for extra $49.99 you get an introductory video thrown in) behave as all good light bulbs should.

Hunter Rider: Well, I'm waiting for my trainer to tell me exactly how but he's changing light bulbs somewhere else right now.

Fox Hunter: As soon as we finish with the hunt breakfast, Darling; and polish off what's left in our flasks, heck, we only need light at 5 AM to braid on a High Holy Day, we're used to catching our horses in the dark! OK, so after we collect all the hounds, hose our horses and ourselves down, and have another glass of Refreshment... I'll send someone else out to do it later, I need a nap.
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post #2 of 13 Old 08-18-2010, 03:31 PM
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Looooove this! LOL
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post #3 of 13 Old 08-18-2010, 03:31 PM Thread Starter
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--Author(s) Unknown

Warmblood: Light bulb? What light bulb?

Any foal: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?

Thoroughbred: Just one. And he'll rewire the barn while he's at it.

Shetland pony: I can't reach the stupid lamp.

Morgan: Oh, oh, me, me! Pleeease let me change the light bulb!!

Quarter Horse: Let him do it, you can pet me while he's busy.

Trakhener: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?

Akhal-Teke: Zero! AT's aren't afraid of the dark!

Holsteiner: How DARE that light bulb burn out!! How DARE you ask me to change it!! OH!! (Flounces off)

Appaloosa: No, don't change it. If it's dark, maybe no one will see me raiding the feed room.

Arab: That's what we pay the help for. I'll just chew on his shirttail while he's at it.

Connemara: We'll just be after havin' a nip of the Bushmill's, we will, and then we'll not be noticin' the light.

Andalusian: Let the maid do it. I need to go roll in the mud.

Clydesdale: Och, and ye'll just be usin' up the 'lectricity, ye' will, better tae use a wee bit of candle...better yet tae not waste either and just gae tae sleep when the sun gaes doon. Electricity is verra dear.

National Show Horse (fidgeting all the while): Lights? Lights? Where? Do you want me to pose? This is my good, wait, let me get my mane wait, this angle is all wrong. No, wait, maybe this is my good side. Do you want dramatic...or bold...or maybe sensitive...?

Shire: (Yawn) Who cares?

Cob: Wait till I've finished my hay net before you even consider asking me to do anything. Can't you see I'm busy?

Tennessee Walker: (Hiccup) You're doing it all wrong (hiccup)! You have to use all four feet!

Paso Fino: Si, señor. Some coloured ones would be mucho better!
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post #4 of 13 Old 08-19-2010, 06:07 PM
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: California
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That is fantastic, Mliponoga, but you're forgetting the part where the Trail Rider cracks her knuckles and screws in the **** light bulb =P

The natural horseman was my favorite. I laughed way too hard at that one. Haha The classical dressage queen was pretty good, too.

"I was eight years old, and I've never forgotten her face when she told me about watching you ride. She told me she saw you, and your horse was dancing in the moonlight."
-- A.C. Crispin's "Sylvester"

Last edited by Thatgirlsacowboy; 08-19-2010 at 06:09 PM.
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post #5 of 13 Old 08-19-2010, 06:48 PM
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Hahhaa these are hilarious!!
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post #6 of 13 Old 08-20-2010, 08:01 AM
Green Broke
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haha the natural horseman was the best but I think a trial rider needed to be in there and fix it lol
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post #7 of 13 Old 08-20-2010, 09:08 AM
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Lol .

The natural horseman and the fox hunter were the best ones.

"On hyviä vuosia, kauniita muistoja, mutta kuitenkaan, en saata unohtaa,
Että koskaan en ole yksin, varjo seuraa onneain.
Vaikka myrsky hetkeksi tyyntyykin, varjo seuraa onneain.
Ja pian taas uusin hönkäyksin, varjo seuraa onneain.
Hei tuu mun luo, pieneksi hetkeksi. Puhutaan, varjoni, valkoiseksi enkeliksi."

Pelle Miljoona - Varjo seuraa onneain

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post #8 of 13 Old 09-26-2010, 12:27 PM
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Location: UK
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Have to agree, I loved the natural horseman one!
And the arab, that is my horse all over.

Mount up and leave your troubles behind on the ground.
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post #9 of 13 Old 09-26-2010, 12:32 PM
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I liked the Natural Horseman and the Shire. Great stuff!
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post #10 of 13 Old 09-26-2010, 03:12 PM
Green Broke
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Cute, cute.
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