Identifying the female equestrain - The Horse Forum

 
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post #1 of 5 Old 12-16-2007, 07:29 PM Thread Starter
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Identifying the female equestrain

lol some of thease are so true :P


Identification of the Female Equestrian

EASY TO LOCATE. She's either off on the horse or out in the barn.

UPHOLDS THE DOUBLE STANDARD. Smooches with the most bewhiskered beast, but recoils when you need a shave
.
OWNS ONE VACUUM CLEANER and operates it exclusively in the barn.

A SOCIAL BUTTERFLY, providing the party is given by another horsey wife. Falls asleep in her soup at all other functions.

ECONOMY MINDED. Won't waste your money on permanents, facials, or manicures.

A CULINARY PERFECTIONIST. Checks every section of hay for mold but doesn't blink when she petrifies your dinner in the microwave.

OCCASIONALLY AMOROUS, but never leaves lipstick on your collar, at worst, slight trace of chapstick.

EASY TO OUTFIT. No need for embarrassing visits to uncomfortable little boutiques. You can find all she wears at your local tackstore.

FEATURES A SELECTIVE SENSE OF SMELL. Bitterly complains about your sticky-sweet cigar smoke while remaining totally oblivious to the almost visible aroma of her barn boots drying next to the heater.

UNMISTAKABLE IN A BATHING SUIT. She's the one whose tan starts at the nose, ends at the neck, and picks up again at the wrists

A DEDICATED CLUB WOMAN, as long as the words "horse" or "riding" appear in its name.

HAS YOUR LEISURE AT HEART. Eliminates grass cutting by turning every square inch of lawn into pasture which, in turn, converts itself into mud.

A MASTER AT MULTIPLICATION. She starts with one horse, adds a companion, and if it's a mare, she breeds it.

KEEPS AN EAGLE EYE ON THE BUDGET. Easily justifies spending six hundred dollars, but croaks when you blow ten on a tie.

AN ENGAGING CONVERSATIONALIST. Can rattle on endlessly about training.

SOCIALLY AWARE. Knows that formal occasions call for clean boots.

A MOVING FORCE IN THE FAMILY. House by house, she'll get you to move closer to horse country (and farther away from your job.)

EASY TO PLEASE. A new wheelbarrow, custom boots, or even a folding hoof pick will win her heart forever.

SENTIMENTAL FOOL. Displays a minimum of six 8x10 color photos of the horse in the house and carries a crumpled snapshot of you (taken before you were married) somewhere in the bottom of her purse.

SHOWS HER AFFECTION IN UNUSUAL WAYS. If she pats you on the neck and says "you're a good boy," believe it or not, she loves you!
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post #2 of 5 Old 12-16-2007, 09:21 PM
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LOL! So funny but true!
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post #3 of 5 Old 01-07-2008, 04:58 AM
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hehehehehe so me
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post #4 of 5 Old 02-07-2008, 12:52 AM
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Re: Identifying the female equestrain

Quote:
Originally Posted by KIIM
SHOWS HER AFFECTION IN UNUSUAL WAYS. If she pats you on the neck and says "you're a good boy," believe it or not, she loves you!
AHA. I've actually done that to my dog...who is a girl :P.
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post #5 of 5 Old 02-07-2008, 12:27 PM
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Re: Identifying the female equestrain

Quote:
Originally Posted by KIIM
lol some of thease are so true :P
FEATURES A SELECTIVE SENSE OF SMELL. Bitterly complains about your sticky-sweet cigar smoke while remaining totally oblivious to the almost visible aroma of her barn boots drying next to the heater.
I totally do that! I come in the door and take off my boots on a special mat right in front of the heater. I'm usually telling my parents how bad something or other smells! My mom gets on me about me leaving my "disgusting horse clothes" on the bench or on any of the furniture.
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