1. When you're tense, let me teach you that there are lions in the woods, and we need to leave. NOW!!
2. When you're short tempered, let me teach you how to slog around the pasture for an hour before you catch me.
3. When you're short-sighted, let me teach you to figure out where, exactly, in 40 acres I'm hiding.
4. When you're quick to react, let me teach you that herbivores kick much faster than omnivores.
5. When you're worried, let me entertain you with my mystery lameness.
6. When you feel superior, let me teach you that mostly, you're the maid service.
7. When you're self-absorbed, let me teach you to pay attention!! (I told you about those lions in the woods...)
8. When you're arrogent, let me teach you what 1,200 pounds of yahoo-let's-go! Speed event horse can do when suitably inspired.
9. When you're lonely, let me be your companion. Let's do lunch. Also breakfast, dinner, and snacks.
10. When you're tired, don't forget the 600 pounds of grain that need to be unloaded.
11. When you're feeling financially secure, let me teach you the meaning of "veterinary services, additional."