Make You Laugh. - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 13 Old 03-23-2009, 07:47 PM Thread Starter
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Smile Make You Laugh.

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in five seconds and it better be there!!!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.

~ ~ ~

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

~ ~ ~

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."
The lawyer interrupts, "Or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"Or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

~ ~ ~

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!!"

~ ~ ~

I hope that brightened your day!
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post #2 of 13 Old 03-23-2009, 08:15 PM
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ROFL

I like the last one haha

He knows when you're happy.
He knows when you're confident.
And he always knows when you have carrots.
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post #3 of 13 Old 03-23-2009, 09:36 PM
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Those are really funny!!! Thanks!

The horse...powerful, majestic, beautiful.
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post #4 of 13 Old 03-24-2009, 12:38 PM
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The last one is funny but soooo wrong :)


It's not the will to win, but the will to prepare to win that makes the difference.
- Paul "Bear" Bryant (Former college football coach)
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post #5 of 13 Old 03-24-2009, 10:14 PM
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ACCCCKKK the last one!!

The Orbs: The Dark Assassin. Read and comment or I eat your nose....just kidding.....sorta....not really......
[http://www.horseforum.com/hobbies/or...58/#post747263
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post #6 of 13 Old 03-25-2009, 01:38 AM
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I love the last one!

Horseshoe Loop Farm: Home of Gypsie (22 y/o TWH mare), Dakota (10 y/o TWH gelding), Codie (18 y/o Walkaloosa gelding) & Harlow (9 y/o APHA mare)
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post #7 of 13 Old 03-28-2009, 10:58 AM
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Rofl.~!!!!!!!!
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post #8 of 13 Old 04-03-2009, 10:56 PM
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ROFL super

"Don't ever under estimate what you can do for other people. Don't ever under estimate the power of kindness."
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post #9 of 13 Old 04-04-2009, 08:48 PM Thread Starter
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Glad everyone is getting a good laugh out of this!
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post #10 of 13 Old 04-04-2009, 09:18 PM
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there all good, lots of laughs here. especially the last one

I am concerned for the security of our great Nation; not so much because of any threat from without, but because of the insidious forces working from within. Douglas MacArthur
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