Sellers Terms-What they say, and what they really mean.
 
 

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Sellers Terms-What they say, and what they really mean.

This is a discussion on Sellers Terms-What they say, and what they really mean. within the Jokes and Funnies forums, part of the Life Beyond Horses category
  • Horse sellers say and what they really mean
  • Horse ads what they really mean humour

 
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    07-18-2008, 01:31 PM
  #1
Green Broke
Sellers Terms-What they say, and what they really mean.

Top Show Horse: won a reserve championship 5 years ago at a show with unusual low entries due to a hurricane
Home Bred: knows nothing except being raised on the front porch
Recently Vetted: someone else found something badly wrong with the horse
Big Boned: good thing horse has mane & tail or he would be mistaken for a cow
Doing Courses: when tranquilized to the eyeballs & lunged 6 hrs straight before hand
Well Mannered: hasn't stepped on, bitten, or kicked anyone for a week
Professionally Trained: hasn't stepped, bitten, or kicked anyone for a month
Should Mature 16 hands: currently 13h, dam is 14.3hh, sire is 15hh, every horse in pedigree back 18 generations is under 15h but this horse will definitely defy his DNA
To Good Home Only: not really for sale unless you can 1) pay twice what he is worth, 2) allow current owner to tuck in beddy - bye every night, 3) are willing to sign a 10 page legal document
Bold: runaway
Athletic: He's a runaway, but he looks good doing it
Needs intermediate Rider: runaway
Needs Experienced Rider: "dead" runaway
Dead Quiet: just dead
Started O/F: Started overfeeding because we can't ride
No Vices: especially when he wears his muzzle
Light Cribber: we can't afford to build any more barns & fences for the buzz saw
No Time For Him: he's lucky to be fed
Excellent Disposition: never been out of his stall
Clips, hauls, and Loads: Clippity, clippity is the sound his hooves make when he hauls a$$ across the parking lot when you try to load him
Great Halter Prospect: Bred for beauty, not for brains
Selling due to divorce: My spouse certainly couldn't stand him...
Bomb Proof: So dumb you could set off a bomb under his tail and he wouldn't blink.
Good Mother: She's too dumb to do anything else.
He Can Do It All: bite, kick, buck, rear...
Flashy: nice looking... forget about him being ridable
Stunning: you'll be stunned at his kicking power
Very Brave: even a whip can't force him back
Slight Case Of Navicular: better buy him before he's too lame to walk
Proven Sire: The mare we bred him to had a baby
Lots of Potential: Under the right circumstances, you might be able to ride him
Great Bloodlines: He can't do anything, but that's okay because some horse 20 generations back did something
Already Broke: two fences, one arm, six buckets
Got Cow Sense: he'll attack any cattle within a 5-mile radius
Unregistered: probably stolen
Protective Mother: don't even think about going near the foal
Lady's Horse: Perfectly sweet with women, but will kill men
Good Disposition: The only good thing about him
Selling Due to Retirement: he's making us old
Started Good: we quit while we were ahead
Started: we quit while we were still alive
Loud Color: we spray painted him bright red
Really Broke: literally
Slight Nervous Habit: he shakes and has muscles ticks anytime anyone asks him to think
Great Stud: breeding is the only thing he's good at
Anyone Can Ride: as long as they have the right protective gear, they will survive
Smooth: you won't notice he's bucking until you're on the ground!
Event Prospect: Big, Fast Horse
Dressage Prospect: Big, Slow Horse
Hack Prospect: Pretty Color
Sporting Prospect: Short, Fast Horse
Camp Prospect: Fast Horse which can turn
Endurance Prospect: Fast Horse which will turn sometimes
Flashy: White Socks
Attractive: Bay
15.2hh: 14.3hh
16.2hh: 15.3hh
To Loving Home Only: Expensive
To Show Home Only: Very Expensive
Needs Experienced Rider: Potentially Lethal
Elegant: Thin
In Good Condition: Foundered
Free Moving: Bolts
Quiet: Lame in Both Front Legs
Dead Quiet: Lame in All Four Legs
Good in Traffic (Bombproof): Lame all Round, Deaf and Blind
Loves Children: Kicks and Bites
Pony Type: Small and Hairy
Arab Type:Looks startled
TB Type: Looks Terrified
Quarter Horse Type: Chunky
Halter Horse Type: Fat
Warmblood Type: Big and Hairy
Draught Type: Big and Exceedingly Hairy
Easy to Catch: Very Old
Must Sell: Wife has left home and taking kids
All Offers Considered: I am in Traction for 6 months
Good Jumper prospect: Looks great jumping over the pasture fence, if you can ever catch'im, you might just have yourself a great jumper!
     
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    07-24-2008, 10:29 PM
  #2
Showing
Hahaha soo funny.
     
    07-29-2008, 01:29 PM
  #3
Foal
Haha. I read them all.
     

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