Subject: Soaking a Horse's Hoof
1. Get bucket or low tub, fill with warm water, add Epsom salts until fully diluted. Get horse, place in cross ties, pick up foot, slide bucket or low tub into place, place horse's foot in tub.
2. Retrieve tub from corner of barn, get towel to dry off your face.
3. Refill tub with water and Epsom salts. Shorten cross ties. Pick up horse's foot and place in tub.
4. Retrieve tub from other horse's stall, retrieve horse from his own stall. Find bailing twine to fix broken crosstie. Wrap towel around head to dry hair. Check rapidly bruising toe for signs of breakage.
5. Place rocks in bottom of tub to weigh it down. Snub horse to wall of stall, refill tub with water and Epsom salts. Pick up horse's foot and place in tub. Hold up other front leg.
6. Pick self up off of stall floor. Find place outside where tub has been flung. Retrieve horse from neighbor's garden, pull rocks out of horse's water bucket, call spouse for opinion on whether or not wrist may be broken. Explain multiple times to emergency room staff that you did not fall off the horse.
7. Return to home, enlist spouse to hold horse, hobble hind legs, tie up front leg, fill tub with water and salt, slide tub into place, while pinning horse against wall.
8. Apologize to spouse as they view hoof prints across favorite shirt. Wonder if water and Epsom salts is bad for new wrist cast. Check out burgeoning black eye from broken hobbles. Retrieve horse from cattle farm across the road. Share laugh with cattle farmer about how fast horse can move on only three legs.
9. Go to grocery store to purchase ice packs, ibuprofen, more Epsom salts, and scotch.
10. Call a horse trainer and ask him to come over and show you how to soak a foot. Pour self tall glass of scotch while waiting.