I know exactly what to do, until one stride before the jump
So started on a new horse in early July. She's a 14yo paint/TB with a wack load of miles and jump time with my coach before she was a broodmare two years ago. Anyways rode her after she was weaned from her baby in camp for a week, went awesome and did everything I told her too. 2 weeks later I got her into shape and did an event with her and the week before she kept stopping over the a tire jump and I fell off three times, but she was fine the next day and did amazing at the event. Fast forward to now, I have a big show with her next Wednesday-Saturday and I jumped her yesterday and didnt make a decision on direction until after the jump and she went one way, and I went the other, resulting in me falling off. Anyways got back on, jumped some more and everything is dandy.
Today I had a lesson on her and warm up when great did some 2ft jumps on a circle than bumped the height to 3-3'3 still great and then my coach set up the triple bar and I almost folded...I've never jumped one before and nevermind that high! (A little under 3'9) however the horse I was on had done them.
So I begin with the 3'3 vertical into the oxer and she feels fine, I counted and she veered out and in deeked the jump. I fell off, of course...
Then hop back on, I get over but I didnt understand the feeling of a triple bar and sat down to late, falling on her neck (which she hates!)
I back on and I REALLY thought it was going to work but according to my coach and lesson partner, when she went to lift her feet off the ground, I stopped her with my reins and my body, then chucked myself over the jump, so I scared the poor thing half to death and she spun away, nailing my lower leg with her hoof, which at the time I hardly felt.
Anyways coach gets on her, she does it amazingly with no sense of hesitancy 4 or 5 times. I then hop back on and just jump the vertical and I go to put my leg on her and it felt like a knife was in my calf. So I rode her away and cooled her out as my coach checked my leg ( just and FYI think I sprained it pretty good, Im sitting on the couch with it iced now.)
Back to my point, where the heck is my confidence??? Its shot, I can't stay on to save my life, Anything over 3'0 makes so nervous and im not impressing my coach either. I understand what I do wrong which is either abandoning with my leg and my seat or completly shutting her down as she takes off, but do you think I can tell myself that before a jump? No... Im also assuming that my upper body fails somehow? Because I feel like that's how im shutting her down.
Thank you for reading if you did, I don't have any aspirations to be a huge jumper but I'd really like to make it through this show next week without falling off.
Live to ride. Ride to live.