I am getting so frustrated with myself! I just can't see the right distance I keep getting splat jumps over and over again. My trainer tells me I'm pulling the reins at the last second, causing my horse to stuff in an extra stride, but I don't even feel myself doing it! I KNOW he can leave really long and clear, but I just second guess myself and it turns out horrible. He has a HUGE stride and I still manage to get a extra stride in most of my lines! Worst of all, I know I'm messing up my really nice, honest horse and setting him up to stop at a jump.
I just hate that I can't fix this stupid problem. I try so hard and still blow it a LOT. My last show was horrible. The lines were so easy, my horse is 16.3, the jumps were small, and I STILL messed it up! Finally the last course I was determined to get the right strides. I think it might have been my worse course ever ( including knocking over an entire jump, standards and all) but, I got the right strides And, wow, he really can clear from any distance I told him to leave from ridiculous distances, and he did!
Now if I could just gain the confidence to tell him to leave the ground, rather then being a stupid, idiotic, wussy, horrible rider, everything would be just fine. I can't even work on my form over jumps because they are so splatty.
Sigh, thanks for letting me vent. I hate me. Cookies to whoever got through this. Warm chocolate chip cookies with ice cream and chocolate sauce....