Sarahvr - I do know what you mean about fake it until you make it. Heck, there are times in my daily job I have to fake it in front of people then disappear for a few minutes to really figure it out.
MyBoyPuck - here's the thing. I love jumping, especially when it is going right. There are days when I go out there and everything just flows and a trace of doubt never crosses my brain. I actually love the more technical courses, especially the Eq courses with the roll-backs, angle fences, etc. It just makes me ride better in so many different ways, mainly mentally where I have to take control instead of letting the horse do the work.
There are just days for me that when I go to the barn to jump I am nervous before I even get on the horse, then there are days where there are no nerves at all. Fences don't seem to matter - I can be scared to death over cross-rails one day, and the next be taking 3'+ oxers without a care in the world. No obvious changes to make me feel different, but I do.
Part of it may relate to work - right now I am frustrated and tired, which isn't a good combination. My best rides lately have been when I was on vacation or had a long weekend and all I had to think about was the horses, work had just left my mind. So this may be factoring into it as well.