A month ago I had a jumping lesson and it was great! I was never so confident and I jumped a full course with flying changes (mind you X did all the work, I just squeezed my outside leg and he listened like a champ and changed). Regretfully, he refused 2 jumps and I went flying off (my fault, as I didn't put enough leg and direct him strait towards the jump. We were crooked).
I got back on of course and jumped a bit more, but it still badly affected me. Every lesson after that I'd get more and more scared, and less and less able to jump, until I'd flat out refuse to jump when my trainer told me. And I'm not doing anything high, just cavalettis.
I'm just so annoyed with myself because I want to jump! I love it, but when the time comes I get scared and don't want to anymore, and it's only when I canter towards a jump. The reason I'm scared at the canter is because to get X to jump, I need to put a lot of leg on him so he can build some impulsion (or else he might refuse), but it frightens me a little. The jump feels like it's coming so fast that I'm scared I won't be ready and be thrown off (though it's never happened, I've always somehow released perfectly). I know on the ground it doesn't look like he's going all that quickly, but things always feel 200% more intense in the saddle for some reason, especially since that fall. And the way X jumps feels as if we were jumping higher too.
I know I will get over it with time, but I'm just annoyed that school is next week and I've wasted my whole summer due to my fear. I love X and there is no other horse I trust more when it comes to jumping at my barn. Others are too "hot" due to not enough riding/training, or others are already being ridden but I still prefer X. I feel comfortable on him when I canter, but not when we approach a jump.
I hope this silly fear will end soon.
Rant over, thanks for reading...