So fess up. Did the 4"s feel that much bigger??
NO! My mind made them bigger than what they were in reality. When I would ride around a fence that was bigger than 2'7", my mind made me see them like they were 4'0".
It took a lot of work at home too, to overcome this stupid fear of stadium fences. My Husband had to grab a measuring tape to show me what 2'11" was. And looking at the 35" on the measuring tape was like..."That's not big".
So he took that measuring tape and put it up against a few walls. 1 in the bathroom and in the front room and the bedroom and infront of the front door, drawing a pencil line at 35" - so that anytime I was in line of vision of that pencil line, I would look at it and say "That's not big at all". I've been doing this for about a month at home. So I trained my mind to stop seeing 2'11" as 4'0". I now look at 2'11" and think it's small.
I also had to continuously repeat "It is only 4 more inches" and "That's small" so that I trained my subconcious that - in reality, it's small.
It also helps that I've been able to keep in contact with Jane Savoie, who's been helping me with my jumping fears, giving me great quotes and pointers to repeat to myself over and over - one being "Instead of dwelling on the negatives, focus on how to fix the negatives to change them to positives"....
So instead of me focusing on flipping over Nelson's shoulders and flying face first into a fence, and instead of looking at those scars on my right arm and going into a pannick attack - I started to change that train of thought, into what I can do as a rider, to prevent that from happening.
Good forward impulsion, staying tall, chest open, sitting on Nelson's back 5 strides and staying over his center of gravity, etc, etc, etc - so instead of dwelling on the "OMG I'm going to get hurt" I started to dwell on "I'm a strong, confident rider".
It took a lot of work, but I made it
But I didn't do it alone, a huge role was played by my Coach. Without him, I wouldn't of even gotten this far. Honestly. Well, and of course having an amazing partner like Nelson.
If I wasn't on such an honest horse, who knows. A big THANK YOU to those of you, here on HF for your kind words, and for your support <3