I know that none of you are looking for anyone's life story or anything like that. But I got this over whelming feeling on my chest, and I feel like I just have to share it with somebody.
So, I'll begin.
When I was 14 years old, my dad went into rehab for his addiction to crystal meth. He had been doing this drug for over 24 years. I was always a daddy's girl, so this shattered my heart into a million pieces. To add on to the misery, my older brother was also checking into a rehab at the same time. They were in 2 completely different cities. So, my family had been torn apart. I lived with my mom, who was not a horse person at all. I kept my colt,Lakota at my grandparents' house, so I spent a lot of time there. My mom & I fought a lot, she went through 3 or more boyfriends, the only way I could communicate with my older brother was through hand-written letters, and I never got to see my dad. Throughout this entire mess, I was also getting bullied in school. Severely bullied. I got into fist fights, screamed at my teachers until my voice went hoarse, and cried all the way to school and back home. I took it out on myself a couple of times. I carved a heart into my calf, and I also cut the top of my hand.
This got so bad that I had started to starve myself. I wouldn't eat for most of the week, and I would pass out if I stayed outside for too long. I partied a lot. I was the girl who could "keep up" with the guys, and I was the only exception on guys' night (please keep in mind that I never had any inappropriate relationships with any of the guys that I partied with). My dad never knew about any of this.
My grandparents and I started to grow apart, because I soon became the black sheep of the family. Despite our arguments and disagreements, I still made frequent visits so I could work with my horse. I know many people say that their horses have saved their lives in one way or another. I can honestly say that Lakota saved my life many times. I don't know how to explain it any further than that. I'm not very good at expressing myself non-verbally.
1 year later, my brother got out of rehab and started dating a girl who I bonded with very quickly. They were planning on getting engaged and moving in together. Then, a few weeks after they started dating, someone raped & murdered her. My brother relapsed and started doing drugs again. I quickly fell back into my depression and didn't talk to anybody much. My dad started speaking at colleges about his life story. He became the house manager at the rehab where he had sought treatment a year ago. My life started falling back into place when I started making weekend trips to see my dad & go to church with him. He started to help me train my now gelded 2 year old Lakota. I cried in front of my dad for the first time in about 9 years when I went to his 1 year coining and made a speech. To my surprise, everyone in the rehab applauded me and my dad's bond. If I can get a video of this moment, I will post it soon.
2 years later, I start getting bullied by full grown adults. My best friend's parents accused me of doing heroin, meth and cocaine...All of which I have never touched. They spread rumors about my "drug addiction", and soon even the lunch lady called me a dope head to my face. If I was ever at the local park, I could almost guarantee a visit from the police questioning what I was doing there. I got accused of selling Adderall at my school,en had my locker searched by drug dogs. I got accused of being high and drunk during my classes. I tried to prove them wrong by being cast in my school's Stay Drug Free play. I played a stoner who tried to convince someone to do drugs, but in the end my character changed her ways. I got accused of actually being high during the play, and people got mad because they thought I was making a joke out of it. So, my mom moved me 12 hours away from all of my friends and family..I joined online school and I have been keeping up my A average.
I'm back in my home town for a visit, but I haven't gotten to see many of my friends. Their parents have banned them from hanging out with me. Once I turn 18, I'm moving back to my home town and hopefully things will change.
My dad has been clean for 3 1/2 years. He went through open heart surgery and has had 2 tumors removed. He is still the house manager at the rehab, and he also leads the bible study. He is planning to be a drug & alcohol counselor.
I'm now 17 and turn 18 in 2 months. I haven't been to a party in 8 months.
My brother has been clean for 2 years, and he is helping me train Lakota. He's also a hired hand on my grandparents' farm.
Lakota turned 4 years old in March, and he is going to be broke to ride next month. He's truly been my saving grace through this entire experience.
My horse is my drug, and every time that I think of him, I start itching to go out there and brush him, talk to him, train him, learn with him. I get excited every time we figure something out together.
Thank you to anyone who read this entire post. I mean that with my entire heart. This isn't my entire experience, but it's a brief explanation. If anyone walks away from this with a good feeling in their heart, then I know that I've done the right thing.
If you have had a similar experience, I'd love to hear it and relate!
Also, if anyone has any questions about anything in this post, just comment and ask me. I will answer honestly. I'm an open book! :)
Thanks for reading. <3