I'm at the barn, early for once. Usually I'm rushing in at the last moment, struggling to get tacked up quickly so I'm not late for the lesson.
It's nice to be early, both so I have time to get ready and because it gives me time to reflect and appreciate where I am.
I didn't want to come today.
I'm not sure if I mentioned it previously, but I have bipolar disorder. This illness is characterized by highs and lows, with periods of normalcy.
My "highs" (manic phases) aren't all that fun. They usually involve me making rash decisions and spending money I don't have.
The last true manic phase I had was when I bought Obie.
Since then I've made huge strides in controlling my moods. I've learned to recognize them and how to cope. More than that, I usually can head them off before they start.
I've had an extended period of blessed, blessed normalcy. I took what life has handed me and dealt with it. I've made good decisions and purchased a horse with my brain, not my heart or by sheer impulse.
I think I am depressed. No... I AM depressed. There's no real logic behind it. Sure life is stressful and money is tight, but isn't it always?
It's a foggy, dreary, cold day. The temptation to stay in bed was overwhelming.
But I didn't. I got out of bed, led worship for church, and now I'm here.
I'm here. In about an hour I'm going to ride MY horse. The one that is just right for me.
I'm going to be just fine.
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