Mom said we might pick up some flowers for Indie's grave.
I don't know how many times I've said it, but everything still seems so surreal. I break down crying whenever I talk about it or it's mentioned to me, but I seem to forget what has happened when I'm doing something else. I don't think my mind wants to let me believe it yet.
Thinking about Christmas breaks my heart too... I was so excited to make her a special treat and buy her some stuff. I was hoping to buy her a likkit for when she was stuck in her stall at night. I never got to. It'll be one sad Christmas break for me. No barn trips, no Indie, no buying things for Indie... all things that I was excited for.
My mom went to go pick up the flowers and something else and then we're going to go up to the barn and check out Indie's grave. I'll take a picture of it once I put the flowers on it. My mom asked them for three flowers that are close to the colour turquoise.. since that was the colour I always bought for Indie.
We're also getting chinese food tonight.. even if I had it yesterday at the mall before I found out about what was going on yesterday with Indie.
Jore, Honey, some of life is magic......and just reading from your first post on this blog.....well, it was magic.......some of life is tragic as you just found out.
If I go early, before my wife, I hope she finds someone better than me that will partner with her and that he's so good to her that she soon forgets about me.
Indie went on to a better place and now you're without a heart horse. There will never be another Indie, but I hope, you find a horse that makes you so happy that Indie settles deep in your heart and your new love takes the biggest piece.
As I've said before, I've followed this blog for the last few months. The excitement and enthusiasm of the first day....and even before....and how quickly he was taken from you is tragic.
So I hope you struggle though it and continue taking your riding lessons.....I hope that soon another horse that needs someone like you finds his way into your heart. Maybe that's what Indie would want?
I've also thought about how hard it is for your dad to see his daughter so sad.
Yes, life can turn on a dime and some of the time it turns the wrong way.
Lots of us are thinking about you and believe it or not our heart hurts too. This blog doesn't have to end this way and I'm looking for a long happy story well before the end.
I know Indie would want me to find another horse eventually, and I know I will. I also know that they'll have huge shoes to fill. I was reading back on my entry from the twentieth and started crying all over again. I had no idea what was coming and the whole post just radiated happiness.
We visited her grave site tonight. My instructor and her dad wrapped Indie up in a blanket when they buried her and they put her on the edge of the woods. She'll have a perfect view.
I spent a good fifteen minutes in her stall, sorting out the straw and tidying up her blankets. I brought her cooler up with me to the burial site so I could sit on it. I have it wrapped around me right as I type this. I talked to her for a good twenty five minutes. At one point, birds started chirping but when I asked if Indie was listening... they stopped.
My mom said that in the spring, we'll plant flowers for her and get a head stone.
I think the fact that I'm still in denial is helping with thinking of the good memories. Every time I start to cry, my mind just tries to stop it. I often forget that she's gone.
I told Indie to come visit me in my dreams every so often and that I'd visit her as often as I can. I love her more than words can describe.
It's not very pretty.. but you can see where I placed the lillies. It'll be prettied up in the spring, I hope.. for Indie was gorgeous and she needs a gorgeous resting place.
Oh, Indie. I'll be cherishing this journal for a very long time, I'm so thankful that I recorded 99% of our rides together. I kept telling myself on the way home that you were worth every penny spent, but really, you were priceless. I hope you can hear me when I talk to you because I've been doing it all day.
This'll be my last entry for today but I'm sure I'll have more tomorrow. Words cannot describe my pain and how much I miss you. I wish we'd have had more time and I wish that you'd have passed in a more natural matter.