November 23, 2012
I've never gone three days without seeing you, Indie. It's been two days now, almost. Tomorrow will be the first Saturday in a long time that I'm not getting up early just to go see you. Excluding two weeks ago when I was at a concert, but I'd give back that experience to have just one more day with you.
I am sitting curled up on the couch watching Say Yes to the Dress, with your cooler keeping me nice and warm. I don't think I will ever not use it. We were watching The Watch until Rogers decided to malfunction so now we're stuck watching this show, where the bridezilla is on the loose. I think if I ever get married, I will have a turquoise colour palate.
It's comforting to write to you in here.. even if I'd still love to think I was going to take you on a nice ride tomorrow. Ya know, work on impulsion and try getting that hind end under you. You had a natural way of moving.
I wondered today about your son, Tucker. I bet he's beautiful just like his mama. Maybe some day, I'll meet him when he's all grown up. When I took you for our first test ride, I remember him prancing around the pasture. He was so full of spirit, just like you, and you were a trooper until the end.
I wish I had known what was wrong with you so that we maybe could have saved you. You never really showed pain except for the first day of your leg injury. Had I known what was coming, I wouldn't have gotten my knickers in a knot over something so minor.
I looked at the picture of my hand on your shoulder today, and I hope you felt it. That hand, although scared as could be, was radiating love... just for you. Never in my life did I wish for something more than I did that night. You had tricked me that you'd pull through and as everyone watched the vet check your breathing, I kept insisting you were pulling my leg. I mean, you were always such a goof.
I don't think I will ever understand why God took you away from me so soon, but I will trust that He will take amazing care of you until we meet again. I hope you loved the decorations we made today, wait until spring, we'll plant flowers and hopefully grow grass. I don't think I will ever be the same, but thank you for teaching me what dedication truly means and how to love without hesitation.
Love always and forever,
Your best friend Hayley
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