I know, I am really happy for her. I've congratulated her, wished her luck, said he was adorable, and I meant it. But as much as I know it's horrible and that nobody might understand where I'm coming from, I'm also horribly jealous. I know life isn't fair, nor will it ever be, but I just feel like what happened wasn't fair in the slightest. It was the most traumatic thing I'll probably ever experience and it upsets me that we're not going to be able to go to our first show together, or walk through the field in the summer breeze, or just chill out in the pasture, or that I don't have an excuse anymore to buy a bunch of horse stuff.
I'm planning on volunteering at the barn a lot more when the weather is nicer, and part of that will be working with Roger. Groundwork, grooming, riding, the whole bit. I'd likely be working with Major as well, although I might focus more on Roger because by riding a horse of his "caliber" so to speak, that will improve my own skills/knowledge so that when I'm in the position to own another horse, I will be more than ready and will be able to put solid training into the horse with the help of a well-qualified trainer.
And I'm always doing the "little acts of kindness", the one comment I always get from people is how outgoing and friendly I am. I'm not one to judge, because I've been there and it's not great at all. Nobody is perfect to begin with, and I'm far from it, but I'm incredibly impulsive and sensitive... which is probably where the jealousy comes from. I remember back when I was ten, I was so jealous when the other girl I rode with got her own horse. Six years later, I finally got my own and she was the best. I can't help but still feel bitter/sad/upset/mad about it when it crosses my mind, even though I try not to.
Forever loved, never forgotten; my beautiful Indie. <3 Hoofprints on my heart.