Amba's Journal - Page 11

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    01-22-2014, 11:41 AM
I'm back!!! I know I had a few people following this thread before, but I'm not one to assume I make much of a lasting impression on people, so who knows if anyone really cares lol. But I will update anyway.

So much has changed in my life, which is kind of expected, I guess. I have been gone for over two years. Everything seems to have settled now, so hopefully I can enjoy some regularity in my life FINALLY! Where to begin...

I never did find a barn I liked. Truth be told, I kind of gave up for awhile. I'd try out a place here and there, but nothing really stuck. I know a lot of it is that I'm picky. I keep expecting to find a place that I like as much as my old place. But liking my old place didn't come immediately, and it's hard to remember that sometimes. I go back and forth between things that are more important to me. The two big things are distance from my house, and having an indoor. I know I'll most likely have to give one up for the other, but they are both big things on my list so it's been tough.

Mainly though, I needed to take a break from riding. I moved out of my parent's house awhile back and it was obviously a new level of responsibility. I really wasn't making the money I needed to be. It was stressing me out, trying to hold on to riding, and I knew I would always come back to it. So I let it go for a bit. It's been tough, but it allowed me the room to breathe and not stress about needing enough jobs to afford gas and groceries and riding. I've missed it, but it was a necessary move to make, and it's helped a lot.

I only have one job now and it's all I need, which is such a nice change of pace. It's another dog walking job, but with a MUCH better company than I was with before. I've been with this company a little over a year and it's been great. I make enough money and I get treated well. I got promoted recently to working in the office, which meant a pay increase and I spend less on gas. So, more money in my pocket! It is such a load off my mind to not constantly feel like I need to be looking for another job.

My biggest news is that I got married in November!! By far, this is the best thing that has happened to me. My husband is an amazing man and he makes me so happy. A lot of the changes in my life are thanks to him. When I look at my old posts and remember how stressed I was all the time, I can't even believe where I am now. Things are so much better than I ever thought they could be. If anyone wants to see wedding picture I can post some here :)

Because life is not perfect, there is a little sadness going on right now. We have a lot of older family pets that haven't been doing well. We've had all of these animals for most of my life. These are the pets I grew up with. In early December we lost one of our 16yo cats, Elsa. We have had her since the day she was born. We also still have her father and brother (her mother passed a few years ago). She'd had a lot of health problems so it was time for her to go. Then, last week, we lost our jack russell Jillie Bean. She was around 14, I think. She'd been having kidney problems for awhile, then she got heart disease, and then started developing a neurological problem. We thought we had a bit more time with her but she had a seizure and passed. My brother loved that dog more than anything. I hadn't seen him cry since he was little and it was heartbreaking. Now, our 13yo greyhound Zoey, has bone cancer. She had an accident a long time ago in which she ruptured a disk in her spine. Because of that she was not 100% in control of her hind legs. She was very mobil for a long time though. She could run better than she could walk, and when she really got going she could jump over things. But things obviously got worse as she's been aging. Last week she stopped using one of her hind legs completely. They (my parents) got her on some meds and it was helping. This past weekend she had an upset stomach so she missed a dose, and in the blink of an eye she'd regressed to the point where she couldn't use either of her hind legs at all. One leg started to swell and the vet found that it had been fractured. Since she couldn't go anywhere on her own, my parents would've known if she'd done anything to fracture it. This led the vet to suggest that it might be cancer. They took her to a specialist yesterday and it was confirmed. The only thing they could do to treat is to amputate the leg, and even then it would only buy her a few months. Adding chemo could buy her a year. It's just not worth it when she won't ever be able to get around on her own again. Her quality of life won't be there. So my parents are having a vet come out to their house in the next few days to put her down. We always knew we'd probably lose a few in a short time because of their ages being so close together, but I don't think any of us were prepared to have 3 go in less than 2 months. We've still got one 16 and one 17 year old cat, but they have been healthy in their old age thus far so hopefully Zoey will be the last for a bit.

Now that I've made you all cry, I'll end on a less depressing note. I'm not riding again yet but I am looking seriously again. Right now I'm waiting to hear back from a place that has both big things on my list: it's close by AND has an indoor. It's actually closer to me than any of the other barns I've looked at. They don't do much advertising so even though I've driven by the place a ton, I never knew they offered lessons. One of my co-worker's daughter's rides there. She said the indoor is pretty small, but I'm not looking to be able to do an 6 fence course in it or anything. I just don't want to have to skip a ton of riding if it decides to rain all summer or something. One interesting thing is that the place is also a dairy farm, so that may take some getting used to. Hopefully I hear back from them soon because I am so ready to be done with this break.
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    01-22-2014, 11:23 PM
Super Moderator
Welcome back, friend!!
Amba1027 likes this.
    01-25-2014, 08:19 PM
Well, I'm having quite a day. Actually, it's more that my husband is having a bad day and it just makes me sad to see him having a rough time. He started out the day with not feeling well, which always sucks, especially when it's the weekend and you just want to enjoy it. His son is with us for the weekend and things were going well but some sort of switch seems to have flipped. He's spent the majority of the evening in tears for one reason or another (my stepson, not my husband). Just when you think he's finally gotten past it, he starts up about something else. I don't think he even knows why he is crying half the time. He's 5 and he goes back and forth between homes. I know it's rough for him. Usually we just ride it out, but I know it's hard on my husband because he just wants his son to be happy and to enjoy being here. Tonight, though, he asked his son if he liked being here. I just cringed when I heard that. Because I knew what he'd say. And he said it. He told his dad he doesn't like it here and that he doesn't want to be here. I attempted to blame it on the fact that he was in the middle of crying fit number six, but you can see how much that hurt my husband. Of course, what parent wouldn't be hurt by their kid saying they didn't like being at their house? But when you are 5 and your parents are divorced and they both treat you with equal amounts of love and kindness, you're prone to favoring the one you spend the most time with. I know my husband doesn't see it that way though. Even if he did, it's still a tough blow for him. He tries so hard every time his son visits, to make it fun, to make him happy, to make him want to be here. But that kid is a mama's boy if I ever saw one, and no amount of anything is going to make him favor being here over his mom's.

To top it off, the dog peed in the house for who knows what reason. She's 4, so it's not like she isn't housebroken. She'd been out a few hours ago. She just does this occasionally. It's almost as if she's just not in the mood to hold it. She's a greyhound and they aren't very vocal dogs so she's not one to whine if she needs to go out. She will pace sometimes, but tonight I was pretty preoccupied with my stepson so I'm not sure if she'd been pacing. Anyway, she peed, and while I do find it irritating (honestly, tonight I was just happy she chose the hardwood over the carpet; easier clean up) my husband gets pretty upset about it. I don't know why. I guess maybe I'm the unusual one who grew up in a house with 5 dogs and 10 cats. Someone was always peeing, pooping, or vomiting on something. You just groan, clean it up, and move on. Good grief, how have I written this much about the dog peeing?!

I heard back from the barn I'd emailed about lessons. The woman gave me a brief description about everything they offer and the place sounds pretty great! I scheduled myself for lessons. I'll have to wait til the first week of February though. I have a work meeting this week on the day/time we picked. I realized I had the meeting after I sent the email saying when I could do lessons, and of course she asked if that day/time would work (I had given her a list of several days that would work). So I have to wait another week. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this ridiculously cold weather calls it quits by then.
    01-29-2014, 12:13 PM
Ugh, I do not want to go to work!!! It's not that I don't like my job, but I'm a dog walker and it is currently 12 degrees outside. And it snowed again last night. I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir here, since we are all horse people, which means we deal with the outdoors on a regular basis. (As a side note, I am so glad I no longer work at a barn. I miss it, but in this weather... No thank you!) We aren't supposed to keep the dogs out for a long time in weather like this, but I'd really rather be out walking than sitting in strangers houses trying to convince their dogs to play with me. They usually aren't interested so I end up staring at a wall for 15 minutes. Woo. Also, I'm getting really good at feeling motivated to do chores around my house. Which is great, except that now I'm some sort of crazy person who wants to skip work to do laundry and re-arrange her kitchen!

I guess I can't really be upset about not starting lessons this week because I heard the barn doesn't do lessons if it's below 15 degrees, which it is. I don't think it's supposed to get any warmer either. So I suppose I wouldn't be riding today whether or not I had a meeting. I just want to ride! And I want this cold weather to be over! It doesn't even have to be warm. Just somewhere in the 30s would be nice. I think it's supposed to be in the 40s the next few days which would be lovely. I'm going to be really sad if it's like this again next week and my lesson gets canceled because of the cold.

I'm taking that coursera Equine Nutrition course someone posted about a bit ago. I haven't learned much so far, which makes me feel good. Apparently I at least have a very basic knowledge of something other than how to ride a horse lol. I also just read an article in Horse Illustrated about the horse digestive system, so that could be part of why this all sounds like stuff I already knew. Either way, I've been worried about my ability to learn/retain knowledge lately so I feel a bit better about it now.
Wallaby likes this.
    02-21-2014, 11:26 AM
I wrote a long post the other day, but it took me too long to post so it disappeared! I forgot that happens on here :( Oh well. It wasn't really anything interesting anyway.

I did write about how I wasn't sure what I thought of my new barn. I loved my old barn and I've been comparing every place I try to it. Obviously its going to be tough to find a place that way. I was at my old barn for 2 years. I worked there, I had friends there. It felt like home to me. Even though that changed before I left, I still remember how it was when things were good, and I miss it. So I knew I was being overly critical of new places. I didn't love my old barn at first either. Still, I've not gone back to other barns I've tried because I didn't love them right away. My first lesson there wasn't great, but it wasn't at all the fault of the barn. The instructor was nice and I felt she gave good instruction. The horse was a typical first lesson horse, slow and steady. The kind of horse you put a person on when you don't really know what they can do. I didn't enjoy myself very much though. It was cold and windy and rainy. I was already having a bad back day and since I'm so out of shape, riding just made the pain worse. I was already having a bad day so it wasn't the greatest start. After my lesson I went on a short trail ride around the farm with a girl who was also riding in the ring during my lesson. I'm not big on trail riding. I don't know why, I've just always preferred riding in a ring, so I was fairly indifferent about that. So my first lesson wasn't the greatest. I definitely didn't fall in love with the place, but I told myself I'd keep coming back because I want to ride, I haven't found a place I liked any better, and this barn is only 15 minutes from my house so it's fairly easy to motivate myself to go.

I had to skip my lesson the following week, which I was upset about. I was running late at work and hadn't had a chance to eat so I was starting to feel light-headed (always good when you are going to go ride). Plus the big snow storm was coming in and I still needed to buy a few things in case we got snowed in for a few days (didn't happen, but it's nice to be prepared). So I canceled. I had my second lesson there this past Wednesday and it was a completely different experience. I'm thinking it was mostly because it was so nice outside. There's still a ton of snow everywhere and everything is a muddy mess, but it's getting warm out and that always puts me in a good mood. My ride wasn't the greatest; my back still hurt and I was on a more forward horse so I felt more like a sack of potatoes flopping around than anything, but I know I'll get better. My instructor was telling me that I don't look as bad as I feel and that it's clear I know what I'm supposed to do, it's just hard to get my body to do it since I don't have the right muscles for it anymore. My favorite part though, was the trial ride. I wasn't sure I was going to go (I'm allowed to go after every lesson, it's what they do for a cool down there) but when we left the arena it was so nice out that I thought, what the heck. There is so much more land there than I thought. Everything was so beautiful covered with snow. The sun was setting and there was a nice breeze. It was just me and the horse. I can honestly say I've never experienced anything quite like that before. I loved it. And now I absolutely CAN NOT WAIT for my lesson next week, even though it's supposed to be cold again and it might snow a bit. I think I might just love this place :)
Wallaby likes this.
    03-10-2014, 11:30 AM
I'm writing this on my phone so it might be a little rough. I might not even post it. Who knows! Anyway, I'm trying to kill time. I had an early walk today and my next one isn't for another hour, so I'm sitting in my car, waiting.

Not really anything exciting going on for me lately. We went to visit my stepson over the weekend. It was a pretty good visit aside from the awful hotel bed we had to sleep on. My back was killing me! Hopefully I'll be able to make it to the chiropractor today. I haven't been in 2 weeks. Don't ask me why. I have no idea what I've been doing that's been keeping me so busy.

My lesson last week was pretty frustrating. I rode a well trained dressage horse, which apparently I can't so very well. I couldn't even get her to walk in a straight line! It was crazy! Most of the time I couldn't even tell what I was doing wrong. I'd ask my instructor what was happening, she'd explain what I was doing wrong, I'd fix it, then a couple of steps later I was doing it wrong again! I didn't get to moved past a trot with her since I had major issues getting her moving in a straight line. It made me feel like I'd never been on a horse before. I'm really hoping I get to ride her more so I can figure it out but I'm worried I won't get put on her again since I did so horribly. I guess we'll see what happens this week. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

In other news, I'm going to Disneyland in 26 days! That is super exciting. My husband and I love Disney. We went to Disney World for our honeymoon and it was the greatest trip ever. I've never been to Disneyland though, and my husband hasn't been since he was a kid. We'll also be taking my stepson. It will be his first Disney trip. He's not too excited yet. I think he doesn't really know what to expect, so it's not interesting to him. But it won't be long now and I'm sure he'll have a blast.

I should probably start doing some work now. I hope the sun decides to come out. It's finally above freezing but it's so cloudy that it doesn't really feel warm :(
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    05-05-2014, 11:22 AM
I've started writing so many entries on here but I keep stopping in the middle. Then when I come back and finish and hit submit I get the message saying something has expired and everything I wrote gets erased! It's kind of frustrating and I never want to go back and re-write everything.

I am so not happy with my job right now. I wish I could quit and go back to working at a barn, but I wouldn't make enough money doing that. Right now my husband and I are trying to save up to take a few nice trips before we start having kids. We're also trying to save money for when we actually have the kids and for retirement and all that responsible adult stuff. It kind of sucks. Anyway, I'm making more now than I've ever made in my life so it really wouldn't be beneficial for me to leave. I don't even really know that I'm unhappy with my job itself. I think maybe I'm just unhappy because I'm finally back riding again and I want to spend as much time as I can at the barn but since we are doing all this saving, there isn't a lot left to spend on riding. So I can't be at the barn as much as I want. I was thinking maybe I could try and work there part time, but I don't think I could make it work. I have to be pretty flexible with when I'm available for my job, so trying to work in something part time would be pretty difficult. Plus I'm already massively tired when I get home which means I probably wouldn't have the energy to work at the barn. And if I did, I definitely wouldn't have the energy to come home and to all the taking care of the house crap that needs to be done. I really wish I was a kid again sometimes. I am also WAYYYYY out of shape so I might die if I attempted barn work at this point. So many flaws in my plan :(

I am going to be "leasing" a horse this month. I say "leasing" because it's a school horse lease. Basically I'm paying a slightly discounted price for one lesson and one free ride a week on my favorite lesson horse. There are privately owned horses that I could lease but I'm not in good enough shape to ride more than twice a week at this point. Plus I really enjoy riding this particular horse. We work well together and I like her personality. So we'll see how this goes.

I'm off to work now!
Wallaby likes this.
    05-05-2014, 01:50 PM
Super Moderator
Originally Posted by Amba1027    
I've started writing so many entries on here but I keep stopping in the middle. Then when I come back and finish and hit submit I get the message saying something has expired and everything I wrote gets erased! It's kind of frustrating and I never want to go back and re-write everything.

That used to happen to me occasionally so now, before stopping, I'll highlight everything, then "copy" it all [ctrl+c if you're on a PC] so it's "saved" in my laptop's mind, then come back, finish writing, "copy" my finished product [the first "copy" is mostly in case the browser freezes while I'm gone or something like that], and post. That way, if posting doesn't work, I can just "paste" [ctrl+v] my entry back in and not have to rewrite.
Amba1027 likes this.
    05-05-2014, 04:54 PM
Originally Posted by Wallaby    

That used to happen to me occasionally so now, before stopping, I'll highlight everything, then "copy" it all [ctrl+c if you're on a PC] so it's "saved" in my laptop's mind, then come back, finish writing, "copy" my finished product [the first "copy" is mostly in case the browser freezes while I'm gone or something like that], and post. That way, if posting doesn't work, I can just "paste" [ctrl+v] my entry back in and not have to rewrite.
Yeah, I used to be in the habit of doing that but I guess I was away so long I've forgotten!
    05-13-2014, 05:23 PM
I've been having a crapy week and it's only Tuesday. This does not bode well for the rest of the week.

At work, yet another person has quit. I know I was complaining a bit about my job in my last post, but it really is a nice place to work. I think this is the 5th or 6th person to quit in the last month or so. I really don't understand it. It's like the second you try to correct someone for doing something wrong, they freak out and quit. How do people survive like this!?! I've put up with SO much crap at previous jobs because finding a new job is not easy and, last I checked, people need money for life and whatnot. So I really do not get how people can go through all the trouble of applying and interviewing and training, only to quit a month later because someone said to them, "Hey, you did <insert thing they did here>, but we don't do that/that was wrong/etc. Please don't do it again, thanks." So anyway, we are short handed again/still. Anyone in Maryland looking for a job?

The horse I was going to lease turned up lame at my lesson last week. My instructor said she'd let me know how she was doing over the weekend. As of yesterday she is still lame. The farrier is going to look at her today, as she is prone to hoof problems :/ I have a feeling I'm going to have to find another horse I like to lease. Or maybe I'll just skip the lease this month. I don't want to, but my van needs a new radiator, which is $600. And I just bought a few pairs of new riding pants for the summer and we all know how much those suckers cost. So maybe I will just try and work out more at home this month and start a lease next month. I was hoping to maybe do a few shows this summer but I'm not sure that will happen. Besides, it's only May and it hit 90 today. Too hot. I'm not looking forward to summer.

One bright spot was Mother's Day. My husband got me a card. A "You're an awesome mom" card. Even though I'm only a step mom. He said he thinks that counts. And that means so SO much to me, because not a lot of people think it counts. And it means so much to me that he thinks I'm a good "mom" to his son.

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