Amba's Journal - Page 2

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Amba's Journal

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    10-26-2009, 12:48 PM
I HATE my body!!!! It's falling apart!!! First this mess with my stomach and now I've got this killer pain in my jaw that won't go away!!! Opening my mouth hurts, chewing hurts... doing nothing hurts. I don't know what it is. I've never had this before. My mom suggested that I might be grinding my teeth at night so I got a mouth guard to sleep in, to see if that would help. I wore it for about an hour before deciding there was just no way I was going to be able to fall asleep with it in. So I took it out and my jaw hurt worse for a bit after I took it out. No idea what that was about. My dad said he has TMJ and that maybe I have it too. I really hope that's not it because he said it made his jaw hurt every day for 5 years and then it just randomly went away. I am soooooo not good with pain. I can't handle this going on for 5 days. If I have to deal with this for years I don't know what I'll do.

My birthday is tomorrow. I'll be 21. My grandma wants me to help her pick out my present, which I really don't get. The only time I have knowingly picked out a present for myself was two summers ago when I went shopping with my aunt and saw this necklace I really wanted. My mom usually finds some way to trick us into picking out presents for ourselves. She'll ask us what we think someone else would like and then gives it to us instead. But I heard my mom talking to my grandma, saying "I don't know what she needs". I'm not the only "she" so they could've been talking about someone else, but who knows?
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    10-26-2009, 01:02 PM
Could you be pregnant, can you get tested for ibs or chrones, limes disease, you could be alergic to wheat, dairy ect so get that checked out, try a different doctor and remember symptoms that don't seem like much can make a whole different diagnosis.
    10-26-2009, 08:09 PM
I've been getting my period so I'm pretty sure I'm not pregnant. It's not dairy, and most likely not a food allergy because I feel worse if I don't eat and I've never felt worse after eating a specific thing. I would think if it could be IBS or Chrones that the doctor would've mentioned it. I'm going to a gastroentorologist (sp?) in Nov. 10th so hopefully they will be able to tell me what's going on.
    10-29-2009, 12:48 AM
I'm 21!!! If only it were more exciting. Things like that don't mean much to me. Yay I can legally drink. Woohoo. Or not. 18 was more exciting because then I could get tattoos and piercings without parental consent. But my 18th birthday actually sucked. So did 16. I was worried this one was going to go badly to but it didn't. Not entirely anyway. The power was out when we came back from dinner and it didn't come back til late. But that wasn't so bad. I got a new laptop which I needed. And my grandmother took me shopping at a book store which was a dangerous move on her part lol. So all in all it was a good birthday. Not the crazy awesome thing people always make 21 out to be, but still good.

I'm doing better at the barn. It didn't take me as long to get everything done today. And I schedueled my evaluation ride for tomorrow so then I can start taking lessons!!! I'm so excited about this. But I'm also nervous about how I'll do since I haven't had a lesson in 4 years. And I've discovered I've blocked things out from that point in my life so I really don't know if I remember how to do things right. Oh well. We'll se what happens!
    10-29-2009, 01:00 AM
Hmm the only thing I can think of is going to a basic diet of soluble fiber. I have IBS and eating right completely takes care of it. But you do have to stop eating dairy. I could be wrong, but most doctors over look IBS. It's pretty common now. Go to this website Irritable Bowel Syndrome ~ Help For IBS Treatments & Education. There's some recipes on there you can try, and if you start feeling better by the end of the week buy the book. Hope you feel better, stomach problems are a drag.
    11-02-2009, 12:49 AM
Thanks for the link. I really hope it's not IBS because my diet is probably the one thing about my life I can't change. I'm impossibly picky so what I eat now is very little and there's really no room for change. Plus dairy makes up most of the things I eat so I'd probably starve if I cut it out of my diet.

Halloween was a disappointment. Only 2 groups of kids came. My parents claim it's because it was raining but most of the kids get driven around from house to house anyway (how lazy can you get? It's not like the houses are far apart at all. Do a little work for your candy!!) so it's not like they'd be out in the rain. Plus it was warm so getting a little wet shouldn't have been a big deal. While I'm ranting about kids there's a lovely story I have to tell. I've become increasingly annoyed with kids these days. I used to love them and couldn't wait til I'd have my own. Now I'm really thinking I want nothign to do with children and now I think I know why. Kids these days are awful. I thought maybe it was just me. That maybe my tolerance for small screaming, running, jumping children had just been greatly decreased, but now I think it might be that the kids are dumber and more annoying than they used to be. First of all the kids that live next door to us are constantly leaving their toys in our yard and driveway. We've had to move their stuff out of the way to drive up the driveway or to mow the lawn. My dad actually ran over one of their scooters one day because he didn't realize they'd left it there. I never played in some random persons yard when I was little and I sure as hell didn't leave my crap lying around someone elses property. If I left my stuff in my own yard I got in trouble because someone could've run over it with the car or mower. I wouldn't really have a problem with them playing in the yard if they'd ever have asked if it was okay. I mean I never would've done that without asking. Do kids not get taught manners anymore? Then the other day a guinie (sp?) hen somehow ended up in our yard (we're in the suburbs so I have no idea where it came from) and these kids just start running around after it. I guess I can kind of understand that. They are little boys after all. But it just really makes me wish people would teach their kids to treat animals correctly. It made me really glad my parents taught me to respect animals and not go chasing them around. Anyway one of the boy threw a rock at the bird (that I don't understand) and hit it in the head. It was knocked out for a bit, and it then spent a few days in our bathroom til my mom found someone to take it. Then there are the little kids that come to the barn the days that I work. It's some kind of church thing that takes the little kids and teaches them about horses and gives them riding lessons. The whole time I'm working I hear the instructor telling them not to run, not to shout, not to walk behind the horses. They KNOW how to behave around the horses and in the barn. They know how not to behave around the horses and in the barn. And yet what do I constantly see and hear? Screaming and yelling children running around the horses. I even had to ask them several times to stop running and stand back while I tried to get this one mare in her stall (turns out psycho children scare her a bit) and they would stand still for about 2 seconds and then start running around again. They would run right behind her too, even though they've been told repeatedly not to do that. *sigh* I don't know, maybe they've always been that way and I just have less tolerance for it.

Not much going on at the barn (besides the crazy kids). I had my evaluation lesson which was basically just a private lesson for them to see that I know how to ride. So now I can be put in a group lesson. I'm excited for that. I'll finally be riding regularly which is great. I think I will feel so much better knowing I have a lesson to look foward to every week.

Time for bed.
    11-07-2009, 12:08 AM
*sigh* I found out I have TMJ. For those who don't know, it's a jaw problem. The joint and possibly the cartilage are messed up which is painful basically all the time, and can be made worse by any sort of movement. It sucks. There's nothing they can do about it. I just have to deal with the pain and hope one day it will go away. My dad has it and he told me his jaw hurt every day for 5 years and then one day it just went away. I really hope it doesn't last that long. But I don't think it's common for it to go away. Still no news on my other health issues, as I haven't gone to the specialist yet...

I applied for a job at 5 places today. I figured this would be a good time since people are going to be looking for holiday help. Hopefully I get something since I have a big credit card bill to pay, no money, and Christmas shopping to do soon. Also I owe my sister money and her birthday is coming up so I need to buy her something. Plus I love to shop so having money would be a plus. Wish me luck!
    11-08-2009, 03:53 PM
I am depressed. I've been trying to avoid saying it because I don't want it to be true. I was diagnosed with depressions when I was 14/15 and got put on meds around that time. I stopped taking them about a year ago because I felt I didn't need them anymore. I was right. Was. I was doing so well. But now it's coming back. I can feel it. I can see it in the way I'm behaving, the things I do and don't do. I don't want this to happen to me again but I don't know how to stop it. The meds never helped enough. Sometimes I wonder if they ever did anything at all. At the time I thought they did but looking back I can see how bad it was, so now I'm not sure they did much of anything.

I can feel a bit of irony in this situation. It gets worse when I have nothing to do. It used to be that it was so bad that I avoided doing things. I didn't want to go anywhere or see anyone. Now it gets bad when I don't have anywhere to go or anyone to hang out with. My sister is going over to her bf's. That's what prompted this. I'll be alone. I don't have anyone to hang out with and I can't think of anything to do. I so wish I still had my horse. Then I could go see her and ride. But I sold her because I was too depressed to ride. I don't know what to do. I hate being alone in my house with nothing to do.
    11-20-2009, 09:35 PM
Life has not been going well.

I've applied for 12 jobs in the past 2 weeks. Everyone is hiring for the holidays so I thought I would have a chance at actually getting something. I've had 2 interviews but so far, no luck. I don't know what to do. I need a job. Ugh!

I went to the gastroentorologist and they knocked me out and stuck a scope down my throat to look in my stomach. I have a hernia somewhere in my esophogas and my stomach lining is mildly enflamed. They said neither of those things could be causing my problems. They also took a sample of my stomach lining to do some tests and I got blood taken today for more tests. I spent a good part of last night throwing up but I'm not sure what caused that. I've felt nauseous this whole time but I've never actually thrown up because of whatever is wrong with me. My mom thinks it was because of the sushi I had for dinner but my sister and her bf shared my sushi and they didn't get sick. But I didn't stop throwing up till all of it had come back up.

I won't be able to start riding lessons until January. I would've had enough points to start in December but there was an $80 (or points) registration fee that put me back, so now I won't have enough until January.

It'd be really nice if something good would happen.
    11-22-2009, 11:54 PM

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