Amba's Journal

I'm having a bad allergy day. My nose won't stop running. It's so annoying. Why do I have to allergic to anything with fur??

Still no job but I'm hoping maybe someone will call in the next few days. Since it was getting so close to Black Firday I'm hoping they just didn't want to have someone so new working. So maybe after today they will still need people for the holidays and I'll get something. *fingers crossed*

I feel like my BM doesn't like me. I didn't used to feel that way but the past couple of weeks I've been feeling like she thinks I can't do anything right. There are papers on the back of the feed room door that are divided up into the days of the week so that comments can be written on them. Everytime you work you're supposed to check for comments on the last day you worked. Everytime I go now there's things written on there that I swear I didn't do. Forgetting to blanket some of the horses, putting the wrong supplements in their feed, leaving a stall unlatched, etc. I never did any of that!!! I know I've made some mistakes, because there are some things I didn't know I had to do because no one told me. But stuff like that is basic stuff that I know, and I know I didn't do any of it. But since I don't see the comments until a week later there's nothing I can do about it. There's no way to check if I actually did these things wrong because it was a week ago. It makes me uncomfortable because now everytime I go to the barn I'm freaking about doing anything wrong even though I know I didn't do anything the last time. When I leave I'm sure that this time I've done everything right and that there won't be any comments next week but I'm always wrong.

I'm trying to get back into my religion. I miss how I felt when I was practicing it before some I want to get back into that. I hope I will have enough time because it's going to involve a lot of reading and learning. And I've already got more going on than I used to. Since I now know what I want to do school-wise I know I need to actually be getting good grades, plus the work I've got to do with finding a school and transfering. Then there's working at the barn, and riding when I finally get to start lessons. And then if I actually get a job I'll have that, plus there's all sorts of holiday things I have to do. So the last thing I need right now is something else that involves time but I really want to do this so I guess I'll make time.

Speaking of things that are going to take up more of my time, I think I should write a book. I read a lot and I'm a good writer so I figure I could do it. I've got a pretty good imagination too so I figure I could write some sort of young adult fantasy novel type thing. Of course I don't know anything about writing a book or how to get it published or anything so it would be an extremly major undertaking. But I feel like I could write something good that would do well so I really want to try and do this.

So that's it for now. All sorts of plans, not a whole lot of time.

I hate the cold!!! My car was covered in ice yesterday and the door was frozen shut!!! I want to move to Florida. I would too, if there was a college there that offered Equine Studies. But nooo. I'll probably end up in PA which is colder than here!! Can you tell how much I really seriously hate the cold?

I go to the barn today and the weather is calling for heavy rain this afternoon. This is extremely unfortunate when you consider the fact that I don't own any sort of water proof jacket or footwear. I'm going to skip my last class and go early so hopefully I can get all the horses in before the rain comes. I'm also hoping I'll be able to get some good pictures which probably won't work even if I beat the rain, considering it's pretty overcast today so the lighting sucks.

I really dislike my digital photography class. It's seriously boring and I get all me work done way too fast. I've skipped about half the classes and I'm still ahead of everyone else. And that to the fact that I spend most of the time that I am in class screwing around on the internet... Clearly there is not enough to do in this class. All the work I've done probably adds up to 4 classes worth of work for me. Now I've got one project left to do and 2 classes left. It'll maybe take me one to get it done. This is why I like working in the dark room better. I can just keep printing and printing til I run out of paper. I have no desire to edit pictures that are just going to get saved to my computer, never to be seen again. I much prefer having an actual physical copy of my pictures. I can't wait til this semester is over. I'm so bored with these classes.

I only got 4 hours of sleep last night. I went to bed early so I would get enough sleep but I ended up waking up at 2 am and not being able to fall back asleep. And when I finally started drifting off my alarm went off. I guess that's life.

I hate the cold. My car was encased in ice again. It took forever to clear the windshield. I tried to open the back door to get something out but it was frozen shut and I couldn't get it to open. Then about halfway to school the door ajar light comes on :/

My mom says I'm always complaining about everything and that she wants to hear me saw something positive. I do complain a lot. So now I will write some positive things. Despite the cold this is my favorite time of year. I love decorating for Christmas and doing Christmas shopping and anything else Christmas related. We got a real tree this year which is awesome because I dislike our giant fake tree that we've had for as long as I can remember. I got fist place for the film-based photography category for the student art show. That was pretty awesome. My best friend is coming home in January so that's soon-ish. Also in January I'll be able to start riding!!! That's probably what I'm most excited about, although right now it still feels really far away. Even though I hate the cold I love the snow and it snowed the other day. Maybe there will actually be snow on Christmas this year.

Ok, that's about all the being positive that I can handle :P

Ugh. It's 4 in the morning and I'm attempting to write essays about my artwork. It's not going well. This is one of the things I hated about art school. This constant need to pick apart our work and say what's good and bad about it in all these technical terms. I don't even think that half the people in the class will understand the terms or get what they're supposed to be writing. We never went over any of this and the only reason I know it is Because I went to art school. I don't really feel like writing here but I don't feel like I can keep going with the papers. I need something to do. I can't go to bed because I'm not done, but I can't finished because I don't know what to write. I don't know what to write here either. This doesn't really seem like the place to be writing about my crazy, non-existant love life. I could go on for days about that but...

I really should get back to work.

So I went to bed around 4 not having written any of the previously mentioned essays. I spent forever trying to write those things. Ended up getting them all done in an hour, the next day during class. How sad is that? I could've gone to bed at 10. Now I've got an essay to write for history. And I need to study for my final. Bleh.

I had another job interview today. It was really unexpected considering I applied for it about a month ago. I'm not getting my hopes up this time. I think it went well but so did all the others and I didn't get any of those soooo... we shall see. I also went to my vet's office to see if I could get my old job back. They're not hiring. Which is dumb because they're always hiring. Always. I swear I must be cursed or something when it comes to getting a job.

I didn't go to the barn today because of the interview. I feel really bad because I found out about the interview last night and since it was so last minute I didn't want to wait til this morning to call people to see if they could take my shift. So I called someone last night around 10:20. It sounded like I woke her up and I feel really bad about it. Plus I'm also paraniod that maybe there was some miscommunication and they didn't go. I always get worried about stuff like that. I hate asking someone else to take care of something I'm respossible for.

Payment for next month's lessons is due soon so I have to make a call to set that up... Hopefully someone is getting me lessons for Christmas because not getting the points from today is going to put me back a bit. I have enough for January but I don't know that I'll have enough for February.

That's about it for now. Now I have to go write a 3 page paper on European feudalism. Yay.

So this day was going badly. Very badly. I suppose some things went ok but the things that were going wrong were really weighing on me. I was feeling every little thing that has gone wrong in the past month. I got so upset with it all, I started crying. I felt a little better after that but things were still bad. And then I got a call that I got a job!!!! Finally, after dozens of applications and interviews someone finally hired me!!! I am so happy and relieved that I finally will have an income. Soooooo happy :)

Christmas was a success. I got subscriptions to 4 horse magazines and 3 books about exersising to work the muscles used in riding and improving your seat. I got two pairs of gloves for riding/working at the barn. I got a new pair of paddock boots, which wern't the kind I asked for and they didn't fit right so my parents took me to exchange them for a pair that I think I like better than the ones I originally asked for. And I got 5 riding lessons. That means I can probably start riding in January instead of February. I really hope I can because this keeps getting put off and it's really depressing. And then hopefully I'll be able to get enough points to start having two lessons a week.

I also got some clothes and jewelry and movies that I'm happy about. I got a GPS for my van which is cool. I don't go too many places that I don't already know how to get to but it's a good thing to have. Got some gift cards too so I'm going shopping with my sister tomorrow.

Right now I'm off to a late lunch/early dinner with my grandma, siblings and cousins.

First day of work today. Didn't really do any work. Just filled out paperwork, watched a training video, stuff like that. I got a name tag which I am ridiculously excited about. Because, clearly, I am a loser.

Someone from the barn called while I was out, to set up my lessons for January. I'm a bit confused about that because I never talked to anyone about it and I thought that since I missed the payment date I would have to wait til February. I guess maybe it works differently when you pay with work points. I have no idea. Anyway whoever called talked to my mom and she set up me lessons for Fridays so I guess I get to start riding this week! Which I did not realize until just now when I thought about the fact that this Friday will be January. Although I don't know if they're going to be doing lessons on New Year's day so I'll have to remember to ask about that tomorrow.

It's gotten so cold. I hate it. I swear I'm moving to Florida as soon as I have the money. I've started wearing pajama pants under my jeans when I go to the barn. And last week I had to climd through a snow drift to dig out the outlet to plug in the heater to put in one of the troughs. I would've worn snow pants but I didn't have any until Christmas. I had asked for a pair for Christmas and I got some but they aren't what I wanted. I had found a pair that are more fitted than snow pants usually are. I wanted those because then they wouldn't be all baggy and difficult to move around in and they would get caught on stuff. I explained that to my mom so that she would know why I wanted that specific pair. But what do I get on Christmas? A pair of snow pants that are so big, I could fit five of my legs in one side. Exactly what I did NOT want. I can understand them being a little big so that you can layer underneath them but it's ridiculous how big they make these things. I could layer quite nicely under something half their size. So now I still don't have snow pants to wear because I want to return these and find something that atleast slightly resembles what I wanted. At least most of the snow has melted. Now lets just hope I don't dump a bucket of water down my leg like I did last week.

My knees are killing me. I don't know why. Work at the barn was bad today. It was below freezing so we couldn't use the watering system. Had to get out the old hose. I don't know if it's called an automatic watering system... I've seen that term before but never knew what it ment. Anyway there are pipes that run into each stall so you just flip the lever outside the stall and... Tada! You have water that goes straight into the bucket. No messy, cumbersum, dripping hose that you have to drag from stall to stall. I thought that was the most amazing and wonderful thing I'd ever seen when I first came to my barn. Especially since the other barns I've been at were bigger and fancier.

Anyway I love that thing but the pipes aren't insulated so the system can't be used when it's below freezing. So we use the hose. Which I was hoping I'd never have to do again. No such luck. So that bugged me a bit. Then I got interupted 3 times by people who needed help with one thing or another. I don't mind helping people and I'm glad to do it but it takes time and I've got other things I need to do so it's a little bothersome to be interupted.

At some point I spilled half a bucket of water on myself. Feezing cold water all down my legs. Lovely. Smacked my shin on the wheel barrow, smashed my hand on I don't even know what. Almost got kicked trying to help someone get a horse out of the stall. Moved a bunch of hay from one end of the loft to the other because we're almost out so there's just the one stack at one end. And now I ache and feel like an old person with arthritis. At the ripe old age of 21. I asked my sister if she would give me a massage tomorrow. I think she agreed but I'm too tired to remember.

I have a lesson on Friday!!! I'm so excited. And since it's New Year's my dad has off work I asked if he'd come take pictures for me. He's actually excited to do it. Probably because he got a new camera for his birthday lol. He actually enjoys doing that I guess. He was always the one who took me to my lessons before. And he was usually the one to take me to see my horse when I had her. He'd actually stay and watch me ride, whereas my mom would drop me off and wait for me to call to come get me. Anyways I get to ride and I'll have pics to put on here so double yay for Friday. Looks like 2010 might just be a whole lot better than 2009.

Why oh why can't things ever go well for me? I am so far beyond screwed right now it's not even funny. I have my lovely new job so I'm finally making some money. Yay. And I finally worked enough at the barn that I can start taking lessons. Also yay. Except that my boss schedueled me to work tomorrow afternoon/evening. Even though my avalability scheduel says I can't do Wednesday evenings because that's when I have my shift at the barn. So I call to let them know I can't come in. Now, I understand that if you can't work when you said you could, it's your responsibility to find someone to fill in for you. But if it's their mistake, why should I have to go and fix it? You schedueled me when I said I couldn't work. You screwed up. You fix it. But no. All I get is the phone number of some guy who may or may not be able to fill in for me. So I call him. No answer, of course. I left a message but with the way things are going he probably won't call. So just in case, I've texted someone from the barn to see if they can cover my shift for me. Which really sucks. Because I already had to have someone take my shift a few weeks ago just so I could interview for this stupid job. Which means I didn't get those points that week. Missing another week means I have even less points. Which means I might not have enough for February's lessons. But, no biggie, because my mom offered to pay for whatever lessons I didn't have points for in Feb. So it's all ok right? Wrong. Because no one has called me bad about taking either of my shifts. Which means I'm probably going to end up calling some poor woman at 10 at night when she's already asleep, to ask if she can take my shift. Because that's what happened last time. Because apparently when you call someone to cover for you, they don't think about the fact that they need to give you enough time to find someone else to cover for you when they can't do it. So, again, I am soooo screwed. And I was wrong. 2010 is looking just as bad as 2009.