So, I tried to commit suicide last week. I am not looking for attention by creating this post. I am looking for support and people who are willing to listen.
I wasn't trying to hurt anyone but myself. I see now that it doesn't quite work that way. Everyone is hurting and is angry with me and I don't quite know where to start to heal. I am trying to reach out and apologize and ask for forgiveness, but I am getting a negative response. Which I understand. Its just making it harder to start to forgive myself and move on and get better.
I am trying to do the things that make me feel better- spending time at the barn, exercising, painting, spending time with my daughter, reading. I like time alone.
My fiancÚ is really hurt and really angry. She doesn't know if she wants to be with me because of this. So that is really hard. I am trying to get better for me, because I want to feel better. But it's really hard knowing that tomorrow I might get my heartbroken...
I don't know where to start. I want to get better. I want to feel better. I want to help the people I hurt, heal. I want to make it all better.