Attempted Suicide, and picking up the pieces-
So, I tried to commit suicide last week. I am not looking for attention by creating this post. I am looking for support and people who are willing to listen.
I wasn't trying to hurt anyone but myself. I see now that it doesn't quite work that way. Everyone is hurting and is angry with me and I don't quite know where to start to heal. I am trying to reach out and apologize and ask for forgiveness, but I am getting a negative response. Which I understand. Its just making it harder to start to forgive myself and move on and get better.
I am trying to do the things that make me feel better- spending time at the barn, exercising, painting, spending time with my daughter, reading. I like time alone.
My fiancÚ is really hurt and really angry. She doesn't know if she wants to be with me because of this. So that is really hard. I am trying to get better for me, because I want to feel better. But it's really hard knowing that tomorrow I might get my heartbroken...
I don't know where to start. I want to get better. I want to feel better. I want to help the people I hurt, heal. I want to make it all better.
"The barn taught me passion... Not the passion of winning-but rather the passion that you feel when you have nothing left but your love of something. The passion that is there when exhaustion steals your strength and frustration takes your hope."