That is me. That is my life. Good or bad. It covers everything, my riding, my career, my personal life.
I'm one of those kind of people that get to that point & fizzles. And that's where I stay. There are a lot of excuses I will admit, but there's quite a bit of reality mixed in. It's always been difficult for me to make friends, let alone hang on to them. Riding somewhat changed that for awhile. It's the only thing I've hung onto in my life. I used to be good. Some tell me I still am, but they are just words. I've been trying to get back to where I was by offering to help w/ judging teams, the high school riding team, 4-h, and it's always the same answer, "I'll let you know." Yet I keep being told I would be good at it. So I stalled out there.
I can't go any further with Odie, yet I can't afford another horse. When I had to stop racing, I was just at that point of being pretty good. Then for health reasons, Odie couldn't race. I haven't been able to afford another racer since. I got close a year ago, but it didn't work out ($$, space, she wasn't going to make a good barrel horse). So again, I hit that proverbial wall.
I used to promote a stud, I loved it! The owner & I got along well, she was very happy with how we were doing, etc. There was quite a few "let me know if you'd like to work with my horse". Until my current "ride" left suddenly. There were no new opportunities after that.
Other things are like that as well. I'm what you might call a "fair weather" friend, though not in tue traditional sense. When it's convenient or there aren't other options, I'm considered a friend. If you call me, everything is ok. If I call you, you don't know me. I can count on one hand the # of pictures that I'm in. But if you could see just beyond the photo you'd see me.
It's not always for lack of trying, but at some point it goes from just trying to stay in touch to becoming a pest.
Someone once told me that I want to be more than what I was meant to be, what I want in life is not mine to have, it's just for me to look at but not touch.
I don't want that to be true & have fought to prove them wrong. Yet by doing so, have only proved them right.
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