I'm a re-rider. I'm 47 and I haven't ridden a horse in over 10 years. I understand your pain and fear all too well.
This is my story...
I was a wild child with my horse growing up. Fast wasn't fast enough, jumping in a bareback pad, riding backwards, in shorts and flip flops. I'm amazed I survived.
I didn't ride for 15 years and decided I really needed to have a horse in my life again, so I bought a stunningly beautiful Arab. Dark bay with a long wavy black mane and tail. After struggling with him for about a year, 2 concussions, a broken rib, I decided I had to sell him. But it killed me because he was the horse I always dreamed of having as a child. But logic won out and I sold him to a girl who could get him to do things I never could. She rode dressage and he floated across the ground with her. I then bought an older mare who was very easy to ride and I wasn't scared to ride her at all. She blew out a tendon after 4 years and became a pasture horse. We moved from California to Texas and I shipped her out here because I couldn't think of being without her. A few months after being in Texas, I bought a gorgeous Percheron. I spent months working on ground work and getting a great bond with him. We clicked. I finally rode him in the round pen and he was an angel. The next week he was poisoned by nightshade that was growing in his field and he passed away. I was devastated. He truly was my soul mate.Two days later, my mare came down with the same thing (we had moved them to an area where there were no weeds or grass, just sand) and she survived, but between the poison and all the meds, she was not the same horse. Several months later, she ran through a fence impaled herself on a fence post. Once again, my heart was crushed.
I ended up buying another horse and it turned out she was pregnant, and was a tad green, so I didn't ride her at all. She had the most beautiful foal that I had the privilege to help him being born and he grabbed my heart the first time he looked at me with those big trusting eyes. I worked with him a lot and he was doing really well. When he was 6 months old I received a phone call from my barn owner. He had hurt himself badly. When I got there they held me back from seeing him and told me that he had broken his neck. I started sobbing and went out to be with him. It was horrific. The vet came and said there was nothing that could be done and I had to make the decision to euthanize my baby. In 18 months I had lost 3 horses to horrible deaths. I was done with horses. I gave my mare away to my farrier and couldn't even think of horses without my heart aching.
Five years later, my brother passed away suddenly and the only thing I could think of was the solace a horse has always given me. That I need that again, that peace and calmness whenever I am with a horse. So I found another horse. Everyone who sees her comments on how beautiful she is, she is a 17.2 pure black Percheron. I let my heart lead with her. She has major trust issues, she has some bad habits, and I'm scared to ride her. I will not ride her until we gain trust in each other on the ground and we would make some progress, and then take a step back again.
In fact, in about an hour I have a trainer coming out for our very first session.
I'm so excited. She deserves to be loved...and so do I.
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