Oh good, Caroline.
HA! Allyson! I totally get that story.
It really reminded me of my brother - we've always been super close but, I don't know, I guess he really doesn't want me to ever be disappointed in him? Anyway, he was dating this girl named Emily and knew I didn't really like her, but that I liked her cuz he liked her [not to mention the whole "Emily" debacle..]. He never told me how serious things were so I just kind of assumed she was a passing thing.
Then he asked her to marry him and she said yes.
He didn't know how to tell me that he had gotten engaged so, even though he was still living at home with our parents and I, HE DIDN'T TELL ME FOR FOUR MONTHS!!
I actually found out from MUTUAL FRIENDS that my own brother was ENGAGED.
At the time, man, it hurt. A lot. But, looking back, I can see why he didn't tell me. I'm sure he was worried I'd freak out and he didn't want to have to chose between his sister or his future-wife [which, for the record, would not have happened]...but dang.
Oh men. haha
Speaking of "oh men"...
Poor NG. He's done. I'm not even gonna use any more energy on that one. I'm still gonna be his friend...for the next month, but yeahhh.
I mean, I am in no way perfect and I can accept a multitude of faults, but dear ol' NG was already skating on thin ice post-church-ignoring-debacle and lunch yesterday was bad.
I don't know, I feel terrrible saying that, but I think I need to draw the line somewhere. Otherwise, I'm just gonna chase every Tom, Dick, and Harry that might be nice to me because "they could turn around" or whatever. I can make excuses for other people's behavior for days, but sometimes it's probably important to stop making excuses for others and say "this isn't right."
And that's what I'm doing here.
He's a SUPER nice guy...just super immature.
He was late to lunch because "a cool band was playing in the park and he got distracted", and he tried to rectify that by RUNNING to meet me [which, granted, was really adorable].
Then he kept making those...you know half-compliments that people say? Where they're thinking something and it comes out really bad but they commit to trying to tell you that it's realllly a good thing?
I mean, I do that alll the time too...but two people who do that probably aren't the best mix.
For instance, he said to me "this is gonna sound terrible...but I really don't mean it like that: you're really funny in person, but you're TEN TIMES funnier in writing. I really want you to write a book so I can read it."
[which was, granted, really funny to me..and it's really accurate. Buuuuut still not really something someone wants to hear: "you're kind of a letdown in person..."]
Then, I was asking him about what people, in his experience, wore to the racetrack for a race and he said to me "well, some people wear gowns and fancy stuff. Other people look like they've just been rolling around in mud. I know you would never
dress up though! You're probablyyy gonna wear those Converse, jeans, and some really cool t-shirt that has something really funny on it"
Which, ok, after typing all these things out, they really don't sound thattt bad. BUT he has me in such a box. Maybe that's just what people do, but I'm always getting shoved into the "funny girl who never dresses up" box and I just don't feel like I fit there!
I don't know, I guess it really goes back to the fact that I want people to see that I love nature, that animals make me happy, that being funny is just a front for who I really am, that I love a good pun more than anything, that I love colors, that I don't dress up cuz I hate dressing up...I LOVE dresses..I don't dress up because I can see all the things I dislike about myself when I do/I end up feeling like I tried, and failed, to be pretty.
Anyway, that went really sideways of where I had
been going..but it's still accurate.
I feel like NG has me situated in a tidy little box inside his head and I'm not gonna get out of that box without a LOT more effort than it's probably worth.
Then, a little after 1pm, he checked his phone and was all "DARN. I was supposed to meet someone at 1! Gotta go!" and he pretty much ran off.
I guess it made me feel like that was a pity-lunch, instead of something he actually wanted to do.
And you know me, nothing I hate more than being a passing entertainment/subject of pity.
The thing is that, at church, he acts SO mature and grown up....but every time I've seen him completely removed from all church business, it's like this big switch flips and he turns into a 15 year old boy. I DON'T GET IT.
For the record - I was talking like a huge ditz yesterday too and I probably said some things I shouldn't have, but still. At least I'm "hilarious in writing and wear cool tshirts"
On the plus side of all this:
1. At least he IS going away in a month. That means I can be friendly until he leaves and no hard feelings if we never speak again. That would certainly be sad, I like him as a person, but it is convenient.
2. This all has helped get me thoroughly over Gman. I love Gman like a brother now, but that's really it. No more co-dependency there, I'm over it.
So I dunno, this whole thing with NG really bums me out but it's for the best.
On the plus side, the next couple of days are supposed to be BEAUTIFUL weather and I baked brownies to take to the beach on Friday! haha