Random Emily blah-blah time:
1. I had a nice thing happen on Thursday! I went out to buy hay, thinking I only had a bale and a half left [about 4, maybe 5, days of hay]. I spent my last $50 buying hay and, though I'm never one to worry about money really, it was mildly worrisome. One of my lesson kids decided to cancel her lessons during the holidays so we only have $20/week coming in...which is ok since I'm really not driving anywhere=don't need gas=$20 can work..but it's less than ideal.
Anyway, spent my last $50 buying 5 bales of local grass hay and a bale of alfalfa. 5 bales of local will last 15-20 days and the alfalfa will last a solid 2-3 months. Add that to what I had at home and I was thinking I might make it 3 weeks before needing to buy hay which is how I like to keep it - I try to keep a week's stockpile of hay around, just in case something happens and I'm not able to get to the feedstore "on schedule".
Anyway, got home, was unloading all the hay and stacking in in the shed when I discovered that I had ANOTHER BALE OF LOCAL hiding under some of Lacey's blankets!
So I have a solid month of hay right now. Talk about a blessing!
I do my best to make hay stretch and not waste it, but they have to eat what they have to eat!
So that was really great. I have 8 bales of hay in my hay storage area=literally stuffed full, and it's wonderful.
2. I'm kind of doing hat you guys have been telling me to do with Gman. Kiiiind of.
Basically, I'm not telling him "that I like him" but I'm also trying to not censor my liking of him out of what I say. Previously I've tried really hard to be "cool" and not really give it away...but I'm going for it right now.
I decided that he's going along with me enough that either something is happening, he's REALLY dumb/oblivious, or he's a huge jerk and knows all of this and is leading me on because he thinks it's funny. HOWEVER, he probably couldn't be more intelligent, he's the most sensitive guy I've ever met [in a GOOD way!], AND, I know for a 10000% fact, he would absolutely never lead me on if he knew but didn't feel the same way.
That basically leaves us with 2 options: him feeling the same way and being unsure of how I feel, or him just being oblivious.
But how oblivious could he possibly be? I mean, the guy is "liking" practically every status I ever post on Facebook [and yes, I maaaay "observe" his close lady friends on Facebook and exactly 0% of them have as much Gman action on evvverything like I do - even his BEST lady friend. #creepin'], FB messaging me allll the time+responding to my texts for as long as I keep responding to him, making time to see me practically every Sunday if he can, and basically seems to believe that I could practically fly if I tried...I don't know what could possibly be going on, if he's just an oblivious bystander...
Of course, he could just think that we've suddenly become BFFs over the last year..but really?
Anyhoo, I'm "doing it." I've been being really, what I feel like, "over the top" with evvvverything. For instance, last night after he posted a picture of him with his guy+girl besties after they picked guy bestie up at the airport, I commented on it about how I felt weird that I couldn't help but smile "back" at them and that the photo made me smile. It was just sickeningly sappy. Something I would have thought and not said, ever. But I said it. And he liked it.
Then I posted a video on his FB wall today of a frolicking baby elk and he loved that even more [he assumed I took the video. AHAHA. Yeah, while I was in my cabin in...Colorado..a million miles from here. Ha. I worry that he has way too high of an impression of me. Haha].
And I'm taking him a cupcake at church tomorrow.
Basically, I don't know HOW I could be more obvious..without saying it. I really want him to say it first, I feel like I..I don't know, I guess kind of "run" our relationship and he's so good-natured that he'll just go along with whatever I say. I just have that kind of "take charge"-type personality where, if I want something, very little will stop me in my "quest"....and I feel like that could sometimes steamroll his opinion since he'll nearly go along with whatever.
Basically, I don't want to tell him I like him and have him feel at all obligated to like me back.
This is way mellow-dramatic of me, but, as a girl, my mind has gone there: if we got married one day, I don't think I would ever be satisfied if there was any element of feeling like *I* had coerced him into being with me.
Obviously completely silly - I DOUBT I would be worried about that, at that point! But at the same time..
And he did half-tease me once, a long long time ago, telling me that I should take my "favorite guy" out to Starbucks...maybe he WANTS me to do something. He IS allllllll about "female empowerment". Oh geez.
N O .
We'll give this more time. But I AM going to commit to being less "oh no! You think he knows I like him?? PANICCC." and more "Holla' ya'll. This guy."
Saying what I think and not overthinking that "someone might figure it out". I WANT someone to figure it out.
...then they can tell him and he can ask me out.
*big thoughts from today*