Lacey, Fabio and Me: The Neverending Story - Page 78
   

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Lacey, Fabio and Me: The Neverending Story

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        12-22-2013, 06:52 PM
      #771
    Super Moderator
    Haha, right though? I was like "of courrrrrse you are" when he told me. And I definitely laughed at myself.
    But for sure, now we can be simply friends and it'll be the greatest.


    Also, to all the people who "know" who he is in real life - ie Facebook friends, I'm sure you would be adults about this new information..but I'm just sayin. I shared it here because I pretty much tell you guys everything but it is semi-classified information.
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        12-22-2013, 08:03 PM
      #772
    Super Moderator
    I didn't laugh. That has got to hurt, hurt, hurt. For someone like you, who finds it hard to put herself out there, you must be feeling really hurt. Yes, this clarifies your relationship, but to say it's laughable. H m m . . .

    I have to say, that I had a small , wee voice wondering the very thing you are now finding out. Emily, I am sorry this worked out differently than you envisioned, but you DO still have a good friend, who is no less a great person, and it will eventually be the source of real laughs, not just the ones we do to cover our hurt or embarassment.
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        12-23-2013, 01:19 AM
      #773
    Super Moderator
    It does hurt and I am definitely finding that I seem to be "grieving" over the loss, as silly as that is...
    But at the same time, I saw him tonight and seeing him reminded me just why we are friends. He's truly a really wonderful person and, romantically interested or not, someone I definitely need to have in my life.
    And the best part was, seeing him wasn't awkward at all. It was actually probably LESS awkward than it usually is. So that really couldn't be better.
    Honestly, I had always wondered about "that" from the time I met him, but assumed that he was just maybe one of those guys who wasn't..but seemed that way [alternatively, I hoped I could ignore it into not being true. Hah]. So it wasn't completely out of the blue. And honestly, I REALLY admire him for just telling me.

    It was funny how it came about - I half-freaked out last night on him with all my fears about stuff, mentioned that I was worried he would get married and our friendship would end -among other things-, he replied saying that he was never going to be married and that he was sure of that, I asked how he could be so sure, and he told me.

    Basically I feel like I'm walking in a creek with an unsteady bottom. Yesterday I thought I knew a whole lot of stuff and today I'm sitting on my butt in the creek, wondering how I got there.

    Or like I built a sandcastle, was sitting admiring it, then a cute little kid came and accidentally trampled it. I knew my castle was going to wash away in the ocean eventually, but I still feel the loss deeply.


    Thank you, you guys, for being here. I needed to talk to someone who I could tell allll the details to. Obviously, since this is semi-classified, I can't/shouldn't tell any of my close friends exactly what happened...and I needed to talk to someone. <3
         
        12-23-2013, 08:04 PM
      #774
    Super Moderator
    Took some holiday photos with Lacey. :) [also, decided that, in the interests of my heart and moving on, I needed to get Gman out of my Facebook profile picture=needed a new picture!!]

    LaceyLace!





    Our awkward picture.
    I love how Lacey is so anti-photo in this one. Like "guys, my person is reallly weirddddd."



    Then we got our act together.
    And Atti refused to not be included so.... Silly goat!
    I love how the rain created perfect little spots in this photo, and somehow missed most of Lacey+my faces. It's perfect.



    Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays, to you all! <3 Thanks for being here. I REALLY appreciate each one of you, even the ones of you who don't post much [or at all! ].
    tinyliny, Endiku, amp23 and 2 others like this.
         
        12-23-2013, 08:25 PM
      #775
    Trained
    ^^^ Those pictures are great!

    Lacey really looks fantastic. Truely, Fantastic.
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        12-23-2013, 10:04 PM
      #776
    Green Broke
    Great pictures, as usual, Wallaby.

    It's very unfortunate about relationship developments but you've kept a good friend and you've gained some experience and insight that can be applied for the next 'romantic' adventure that will, without a doubt, present itself to you.

    Merry Christmas to you and your herd.
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        12-23-2013, 10:50 PM
      #777
    Super Moderator
    Great photos@! Good color and great personality. Thank you for sharing , and of course, for what it's worth, I would never share anything regardning Gman. Like as if I even know his name!

    Write the book!
    "Sassypants". The time is right.
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        12-24-2013, 12:06 AM
      #778
    Weanling
    I love those pictures! Such a perfect little family!
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        12-24-2013, 05:22 PM
      #779
    Super Moderator
    Thanks CLaPorte! :) I love that horse dearly! I'm finding that these massages she's been getting have not only been improving her physical comfort, but her mental comfort too. She's so much more just plain happy lately. I love it!

    Thanks Chevaux. <3 Merry Christmas to you and yours as well!

    Haha, thanks Caroline! Yes, "Sassypants" needs to happen. I'm glad I've kept this journal for so long, it'll be really helpful for that!!

    Thanks paintsrule!



    So guys, I basically had a HUGE existential crisis yesterday. But really. It was terrible.
    However, it was also good.
    Poor Gman, I texted him SO MANY times yesterday. But he's such a great guy, he told me the honest truth and what I needed to hear = a lot of comfort.
    I think that's one of my favorite things about him. He's just such a stable, comforting guy. He'll always tell me the truth and he, even though I'm what most people would probably call "unbearably high maintenance", thinks nothing of just listening to what I need to say and responding appropriately in a way that makes me feel oh so sane, cared about, and in a way that NEVER confirms my own fears about my over-much-ness.

    And that's a lot of what caused me to lose it yesterday. I realized that since it has been confirmed that he has absolutely no romantic interest in me, all those things he's ever said to me, that were so wonderful, are THINGS HE GENUINELY THINKS of me. He's not one to tell anyone anything if he's not saying it genuinely. He won't just tell you something to make you feel better, or whatever. He'll speak truth to you and you'll feel better, but he'll never just say "stuff" to cheer you up.

    And now that I know he has absolutely no agenda, the truth hit me like a ton of bricks and broke me to the core - in a good way. Half the day was spent trying to figure out some way that every truth could be a lie...and that didn't work out. Then the second half of the day was spent trying to understand how the truth could possibly be the truth.
    Still not sure how the truth, the real truth, of who I am coincides with my perception of the truth of who I am...but we'll see.

    I also spent yesterday trying to figure out how Gman fits into my life as a non-love interest...and I think he might be my best friend?? I'm not sure yet precisely, but he definitely fits into the "real life heroes" category and the "brother" category...but there's something more. And I think that might be the "best friend" category. Weird, but great.
    Maybe it's weird to categorize people but it's how I keep track of everything..so everybody has a category.

    [also, my poor friends. They are all SO PO-ED at poor Gman. I can't tell them everything since they know him too, other than it'll never work out, and they are so mad. I prefaced everything with him being wonderful and absolutely not at fault but, to quote one of my closest lady friends, "he played with your heart, I saw it, and he shouldn't have done that." OH SNAP. Poor Gman, I feel terrible. Luckily, I can trust them all to keep it to themselves, but dude. Never knew I had so many very feisty lady-friends. Haha The poor guy had no idea what he was doing. He was just being himself and since he's just like that=not his fault I took it the wrong way. But my lady-friends most emphatically do not see it that way. Awwwwkward.]


    On the Lacey front, she had her fourth massage yesterday! She behaved MUCH better this time. She's getting her fifth tomorrow at 3pm. Yay Lacey!
    I'm thinking I might try, depending on how much this lady plans to charge, see if I can get Lacey on a monthly/bi-monthly massage schedule after the masseuse is done with her class. I've seen such great results with the massages Lacey's getting now, it just doesn't seem right to let her go back to feeling how she used to be feeling...
    Fingers crossed it ends up being feasible.
    Hopefully she would give us some kind of discount since Lacey is so easy and she likes us..but we'll see. Either way, the old girl deserves+will be getting a massage hopefully regularly.


    Merry Christmas Eve everybody!!
         
        12-26-2013, 11:28 PM
      #780
    Super Moderator
    GUESS WHO GOT TO RIDE THEIR HORSE TODAY!!!!!??!!!!??!?!?!?!

    MEEEEEE.

    [and, to take a page from Brighteyes' journal, it's gif time!!]



    It was so great. So so great.
    Lacey and I had a blast.

    It was just the "reset" button I needed after the past week.
    [which, speaking of which, I spent time analyzing WHY riding is such reset button for me. I can be worried sick about something, go out for a ride, and come back wondering why I was ever worried. I realized that it's because, when riding, the entire world fades away in a way it never does at any other time. Everything, but Lacey and I, ceases to exist.]

    Anyway, have I mentioned that we had SUCH a great ride?

    Lacey was feeling so so good. I haven't felt her feel this good in quite a while. She was so...free.
    I don't know how to describe it accurately but, post her eyesight changes, there's always been an air of trepidation on her part prior to doing things. She'll do what I ask her to do, but she'll do it with extreme care and caution.

    This ride though. All that nervous caution was GONE.
    She was popping up into a canter every chance I gave her and her canter was SO adjustable today. In the past it's generally all or nothing, either a full head-long..but lacking "energy", canter or no canter. However, today she repeatedly gave me this beautiful uphill, slow, with contact[!!!], canter. No head-long about it, just a smooth-as-silk wonderful canter.
    And she was happy to canter from a walk each time! Previously, she had started just running into the canter each time I asked - tough on both of us.

    THEN. To end our ride, we got to our galloping spot and she galloped.
    Dudes, I knew that horse was fast and I thought I had had her at top speed before = most emphatically NOT the case. Pretty sure we went into warp speed or were flying. Could have, quite honestly, been either one. I know her feet touched down at least twice...but more than that? Good question.
    And then, she was so fired up after that gallop! Ha, she was allll about doing it again. I did not let her do it again though and boy, was she mad. The poooor abused 29 year old pony, not being allowed to gallop until her legs fall off. What a poor dear.

    I actually ended up having to make her stop and stand, backing a step each time she tried to break the standing by taking a step forward, for a solid 4 minutes before she had calmed herself enough to simply walk. Silly girl! She was flagging her tail and doing that breath-snort thing Arabs so love to do.

    Anyway, it was really really great.
    I'm looking forward to tomorrow, when Lacey gets her 6th massage. She got a massage yesterday and the masseuse+I were thinking it'd be an interesting experiment for me to ride her today, then, tomorrow in her massage, see if the ride created any areas of tension.
    ..not to mention that a certain horse has been starting to feel REALLY REALLY good and said horse has been sharing these feelings with us during her massages. Less energy=ideal. She tries so hard to contain her energy during the massages, but it's about as effective as someone cooking bacon in a house with a dog and hoping the dog won't notice.

    Here's a picture from the beginning of our ride!





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