Thanks CLaPorte! :) I love that horse dearly!
I'm finding that these massages she's been getting have not only been improving her physical comfort, but her mental comfort too. She's so much more just plain happy lately. I love it!
Thanks Chevaux. <3 Merry Christmas to you and yours as well!
Haha, thanks Caroline! Yes, "Sassypants" needs to happen. I'm glad I've kept this journal for so long, it'll be really helpful for that!!
So guys, I basically had a HUGE existential crisis yesterday.
But really. It was terrible.
However, it was also good.
Poor Gman, I texted him SO MANY times yesterday. But he's such a great guy, he told me the honest truth and what I needed to hear = a lot of comfort.
I think that's one of my favorite things about him. He's just such a stable, comforting guy. He'll always tell me the truth and he, even though I'm what most people would probably call "unbearably high maintenance", thinks nothing of just listening to what I need to say and responding appropriately in a way that makes me feel oh so sane, cared about, and in a way that NEVER confirms my own fears about my over-much-ness.
And that's a lot of what caused me to lose it yesterday. I realized that since it has been confirmed that he has absolutely no romantic interest in me, all those things he's ever said to me, that were so wonderful, are THINGS HE GENUINELY THINKS of me. He's not one to tell anyone anything if he's not saying it genuinely. He won't just tell you something to make you feel better, or whatever. He'll speak truth to you and you'll feel better, but he'll never just say "stuff" to cheer you up.
And now that I know he has absolutely no agenda, the truth hit me like a ton of bricks and broke me to the core - in a good way. Half the day was spent trying to figure out some way that every truth could be a lie...and that didn't work out. Then the second half of the day was spent trying to understand how the truth could possibly be the truth.
Still not sure how the truth, the real truth, of who I am coincides with my perception of the truth of who I am...but we'll see.
I also spent yesterday trying to figure out how Gman fits into my life as a non-love interest...and I think he might be my best friend?? I'm not sure yet precisely, but he definitely fits into the "real life heroes" category and the "brother" category...but there's something more. And I think that might be the "best friend" category. Weird, but great.
Maybe it's weird to categorize people but it's how I keep track of everything..so everybody has a category.
[also, my poor friends. They are all SO PO-ED at poor Gman. I can't tell them everything since they know him too, other than it'll never work out, and they are so mad. I prefaced everything with him being wonderful and absolutely not at fault but, to quote one of my closest lady friends, "he played with your heart, I saw it, and he shouldn't have done that." OH SNAP. Poor Gman, I feel terrible. Luckily, I can trust them all to keep it to themselves, but dude. Never knew I had so many very feisty lady-friends. haha The poor guy had no idea what he was doing. He was just being himself and since he's just like that=not his fault I took it the wrong way. But my lady-friends most emphatically do not see it that way. Awwwwkward.]
On the Lacey front, she had her fourth massage yesterday! She behaved MUCH better this time. She's getting her fifth tomorrow at 3pm. Yay Lacey!
I'm thinking I might try, depending on how much this lady plans to charge, see if I can get Lacey on a monthly/bi-monthly massage schedule after the masseuse is done with her class. I've seen such great results with the massages Lacey's getting now, it just doesn't seem right to let her go back to feeling how she used to be feeling...
Fingers crossed it ends up being feasible.
Hopefully she would give us some kind of discount since Lacey is so easy and she likes us..but we'll see. Either way, the old girl deserves+will be getting a massage hopefully regularly.
Merry Christmas Eve everybody!!