Lacey, Fabio and Me: The Neverending Story - Page 94 - The Horse Forum
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post #931 of 1967 Old 03-30-2014, 03:27 PM
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You are amazing Emily. I know I constantly say that but its true. And you are so right. Lacey would not want you to sit and mourn her (though there are times for that too, it isn't bad), and give up horses. She wants you to open your heart to whatever might come next, and to remember her by continuing to love horses. After all, the best memorials are the living ones.

*hugs* still praying for you, Atti, and Hazel and I agree...that,if you want to keep this journal that is, you should! Things that happen from here on out are just a part of Lacey's legacy. She isn't really gone because she is part of who you are, part of what that pasture is.
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Everyone in your life is meant to
be in your journey, but not all of
them are meant to stay till the end.
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post #932 of 1967 Old 03-30-2014, 03:55 PM
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QUOTE: That way it'll seem less empty in the morning. That's been hard - showing up in the morning, looking for Lacey in her stall...and seeing her stall empty.
So so hard.

I know Wallaby - those first few times going through the usual routines like that can almost be more than a person can bear but you will work through it in your own good time.
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post #933 of 1967 Old 03-31-2014, 03:42 PM
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I know that leaves a huge far as the blog, I'd be disappointed if you didn't keep it I love the continuing saga of Gman and Nman...
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For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
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post #934 of 1967 Old 03-31-2014, 07:06 PM
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I was interested in learning more of Lacey's story so i spent a portion of this weekend reading through almost all 94 pages. (Promise I'm not a stalker!) You are a fantastic writer and truly have an intriguing way of sharing your day to day life in a way that makes mine sound very boring.

After getting completely drawn in and caught up on recent events I wish I could leave something truly meaningful here to let you know what it takes a long, long, long time, but eventually it gets easier and the memories no longer bring tears. It sounds like Lacey is leaving a great legacy behind and wonderful memories to all the kids that she worked with and her followers on the forum.

Please do keep writing and taking pictures!
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post #935 of 1967 Old 04-01-2014, 12:08 AM Thread Starter
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Thank you, you guys! I really can't say it enough. All the support I've been getting means so so much. To know that there are hundreds of people, most of whom I've never been lucky enough to meet, mourning her loss with me and missing her alongside me...I don't even know. It really means a lot. I could easily find myself feeling super alone and just hide from the world for a while, but there are so many people just loving me through this.......guys, I do not even know.

Today has been really hard. I keep feeling real happy one second, and then find myself sobbing the next.

I'm nearly certain that it's like Chevaux was saying - my routine has returned [school, etc] and I have to stick to my routine...but Lacey isn't in my routine.
And then going back to school and having everyone gush about how great their break was...oh my word. All I wanted to do was just to scream "SHUT UP!!! I HATE YOU." and probably punch them all in the face.
Clearly, I did not.
It's ok for others to be happy, even if I'm epically heartbroken. Everyone's in a different place.

But that was hard.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I have a class in the morning from 10-11:50, then a break from 11:50-2, then class from 2-5.
I'm going to go sit on a silent floor of the library and it should be pretty nice. I loooove the library and I haven't gotten to be in it at all this year with the way my classes turned out.
And being at school, on a silent floor, is kind of extra nice: I'm not home so I can't play the "I should be doing ____"-game and I kind of have to take that time to just chill. So that should be ok.

I hate the 2-5 class though...but it's with a great friend which might make it better. And this term, in that class, we're writing our giannnntttt "Senior Papers" [I'm doing mine on "Wild Horse Annie" and how she helped people begin to change their opinions of Mustangs] so at least half the class should turn out to be "writing time" = could be good...?
My fingers are crossed.

Oh, I remembered something I was going to tell you guys. You know how people are always talking about my photography?
Well I had kind of completely forgotten about this, but Lacey was the impetus for me to start taking pictures at all. I had barely even picked up a camera before her, then I got her, an old-lady-friend gifted me a camera to document Lacey, and my/"our" photography began.

Lacey has hoofprints in pretty much every part of my life. She changed so much of who I was into who I am... It's the most beautiful thing.
So we can 100% thank her on the photography front.
AND the writing front! I never had any interest in writing until I started this journal due to Lady, who was due to Lacey cuz I didn't want her to be lonely. Like photography, it's gotten better with time.


Ok, enough about that.

I suppose I should cover what happened last night at church because 1. it was adorbs 2. I had said it promised to go real bad or real great.

a) Gman spent so long talking to me and hearing about Lacey last night. I really value that kid and his friendship. He's almost like a horse person in how much he understands the intricacies of that relationship and how she was closer to a human than a pet.
Maybe it's cuz he spent an entire summer where he saw us together on a daily basis?
In any case, I really value that.
Many of my less BFF-level non-horsey friends have been a little less understanding of the depth of what I'm going through. But Gman totally gets it [or at least pretends he does] and that's real great.

b) Gman and I always have people coming up and interrupting our conversations at church. He's really "cool" and in charge of a lot at church so they're mostly important interruptions...but still.
In any case, after NG left the zoo, we had joked about how NG was going to be a 100% permanent fixture/"interruption" in our discussions from now on and were we prepared for that?
Last night NG saw us talking, joined our little group, and just stood there listening+laughing appropriately at jokes. Not interrupting, just listening and being there.
It was very sweet. Gman texted me later saying "Props to __[NG]__ for being the most unobtrusive 'interruption' evvvver. He's a good one."

c) Later, when it was just NG and I, he was all "I'm sorry about your horse.." and said something about how he wished that Thursday had been the best ever alll day. And he made sure to tell me that the reason he left the zoo early was to go see his male mentor-person. And he made very sure I knew that the mentor-person was maleeeee. hahaha

Then he came and sat with me during church, saying "Can I come join your support system here?"
He sat next to me and let our shoulders gently touch for basically the whole service. This is kind of important since there was plenty of room for him to not touch me, the first time he did it - he looked over at me to gauge my reaction+smiled sweetly, AND in previous services -even when there was very little room- this was not a "thing" before.

It was so so sweet.
Later he told me something about how he wanted to cheer me up but didn't want to be insensitive, then told me a story about ho his family had had some rabbits that they didn't really like so they were a little sad, but mostly ok when they died, and that he can't imagine how hard it must be to lose something you really love.

He's trying so much. I like it.

THEN, last night, after church, I texted him a joke I thought he'd like [I'm not great with showing/saying my emotions face to face so I figured a joke promptly after church might send the right "thank you" message without being too gooshy].

Then this morning, he texted me the first part of a two part joke, so I had to text him back [clevvvver], I texted him another joke which became his "new favorite pirate joke", etc.
I think he got the hint. Or he just liked my jokes.
Either way, this is good.

HAH. And to think that 2-3 months ago I was wailing to you guys about this new weird guyyyyy.

In any case, I think I kind of maybe like him a lot.

And even when I was taking to Gman and he was there, he was still important-there. He wasn't go-away-there, or something. He was I'm-glad-you're-part-of-this-there.
And that's good cuz I have been a little worried about NG vs. Gman = am I "over" Gman all the way/enough for NG? Will Gman always seem better than NG? etc.
But if how I felt while they were both there is any indication, NG is doing pretty darn well for just 3 months into the friendship.

And that, I think, is your Today-Update. :)

Fabio - 13 year old Arabian/Lipizzan gelding

Rest peacefully, Lacey.

Last edited by Wallaby; 04-01-2014 at 12:13 AM.
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post #936 of 1967 Old 04-01-2014, 01:22 AM
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Sometimes , the things you write are so darn cute, and sweet, and , well, . . . . like an episode out of the Waltons!

'Night Johnboy!
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post #937 of 1967 Old 04-01-2014, 11:26 PM Thread Starter
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Haha Caroline, I mayyy have had to look the Waltons up... But thanks.

Lacey got another card [from the vet who put her down+signed by everyone at the office] and flowers from one of her lesson kids today...
I feel like this doesn't happen to most horses. But I love that it's happening to her.
It really suits who she is/was.

Also, let's just talk about WHAT KIND OF HORSE GETS this many FLOWERS AFTER THEY PASS???!
Pretty sure this is more flowers than my family got after any of my grandparents died.
Was she the elderly, Arabian-version of Barbaro?? What is HAPPENING.

Anyway, they are lovely and I really appreciate them.

Fabio - 13 year old Arabian/Lipizzan gelding

Rest peacefully, Lacey.
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post #938 of 1967 Old 04-03-2014, 12:17 AM Thread Starter
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I don't know, I woke up this morning madder than a wet hen that Lacey is STILL gone...but now I'm starting to be able to be really really thankful for her life.

Man, grieving is weird stuff. Emotions are weird.

In any case, I was thinking about this today:

1. Our "last accomplishment" was cantering bareback. That had always been sort of a lifelong dream of mine, but I was always too scared to try.
Then Lacey finally said "enough of that!" and magically it was a day I decided to video our ride.
That's such a special video for me now. It means so much.

2. After riding horses where I all I did was fall off, Lacey is the first horse I've ridden A LOT and never fallen off.
In terms of hours, I spent days on her back...and never once fell off.
There were many times I should have fallen off, but she never let me.
There were many times she had me at her mercy and one extra little buck would have sent me flying, but she would always stop her antics until I had re-centered myself. She would do that - she's mess around just enough that I knew I could come of at any second...then she'd stop completely until I "fixed" myself.

3. She would "hug" me - she was just short/tall enough that she could barely rest her chin on top of my head, and she enjoyed doing that very much.

4. Our walks down to the shed each day where she would walk most of the way with me, then let the goats head in first, and wait for me to actually call her because her dinner was finalllly ready. [the goats always got fed first]

5. How she learned "back up" and "Come'ere" from watching Atticus do his tricks and get rewarded....... I had tried to teach her to come when I called her for yearsssss, but she finally got it after watching Atti appropriately respond.

6. How she'd get all happy when I freelunged her...

7. Those times when she woke up with her ArabianPants on and would flag her tail all over...

8. How she would let me muck her stall around her with shifting a beat, and decided that "excuse me" was her cue to yield her hind quarters...

9. How she loved it when I trimmed her hooves myself...

..............I really could go on for days.


Fabio - 13 year old Arabian/Lipizzan gelding

Rest peacefully, Lacey.
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post #939 of 1967 Old 04-03-2014, 04:19 AM
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Condolences with your loss, Emily...
This 'blog' was literally the only reason I would visit horseforum every morning. To read about you and Gman and NG and Lacey.
I felt like I sort of knew all of you, and I'm really emotional myself about Lacey. She is a wonderful, special, completely unique horse amongst horses.
Please carry on writing, so I can keep on reading your wonderful future adventures. Your writing is delightful.
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post #940 of 1967 Old 04-03-2014, 10:26 AM
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This story with NatGeo is realllly starting to unfold :-D
sooo...what was the pirate joke?

Love that everyone is sending you flowers for Lacey. Adorbs.
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