The message above this one is brett. He read this and apologized. We are better. But I for some reason seem to be bitchy all the time. Maybe we are spending to much time together, or something. Idk. But I need to stop. Well i'm going to shower. Ttyl
I watch him wallking away from me blue jeans, boots, and cowboy hat.
He jumps the arena fence, his spurs ringing on the pipe.
He's all dressed up, ready to go in his vest and chaps.
I watch him joke around as he rosins up his rope.
Behind the chutes he's helping others waiting for his ride.
To calm his nerves he reaches back and pulls out a can of Cope.
His bull is rank, so they say, never ridden before.
He says a quick bull rider prayer before getting in the chute.
I watch him yell "Go ahead boys!" and they open up the door.
My heart stops beating and I'm not breathing when I see the bull blow.
Five jumps in he's sitting tight, the bull spins to the left then the right.
Eight seconds has never moved so slow.
The buzzer sounds and he jumps off, waving at the crowd.
I catch his eye and smile, so glad that he is safe.
Judges say a ninety point ride, he's never been more proud.
I watch him walking toward me boots, blue jeans, and cowboy hat.
He's sweaty, dusty and slightly sore but his smile is brighter than arena lights.
I give him a kiss and say "Good ride cowboy." His smile widens at that.
He talks about his ride and how he knew he would win.
I just listen and nod my head.
I'm happy my cowboy is with me again.
Soo I finally got off my butt and started doing something for my weight. I started running 3 days ago. Whooo! I run in the evenings cause even in the morning its to hot. Lol and i'm too tired. I'm taking my 8 month old black mouth curr with me and she loves it. So I have a running buddy. Yay! Well im abput to go to town so I gotta take a shower.
He says he wants to propose to me after he gets out. I love him very much. I don't see myself with anyone but him. I would love to marry him. BUT not until I'm out of college. Maybe even a year after that. I know I'm not ready for that step in life. I don't want to get married young and then things not work out. Or regret not having more fun while young instead of worrying about marrigey things (lol house, insurance, bills, all that jazz) I just want to love and be loved. I think he wants to rush it cause he's in the marines and might ship out after boot camp. Like he's scared he'll lose me while he's over there and wants to make me completley his. I don't know how to make him understand my side. I'm not ready. But I don't want to lose him. Help?
I think its normal to feel that way, and for him not to understand your side of things if he REALLY does not want to lose you. But you should just explain to him that you're not going anywhere and you will be here for him when he gets back. I am 18 and somewhat in the same boat. But my boyfriend is not going into the Marines. But were in the same boat about the whole marriage thing. I definitely want to wait until we live together for at least a good year. Ya know? Just try talking to him about it. Other then that there is really nothing you can do?
Im tired but i'd thought I would post something short. I really wish that I had the money to buy a great horse. In all truth I would love to sell our 3 horses and buy 2 well trained ones. Ours need alot of work and no one here has the time for that. I want a horse I don't have to lunge for an hour before I get on. But I don't have the money to buy and I can't convince my parents to sell ours. They say I wont have time when college starts, but I will still be living at home and I can ride on my days off and weekends and stuff. Even if it is just a few times a month for about an hour. That's why I want to get a horse that doesnt have to be rode constantly to be dependable. Like my old horse Coco. I miss that old nag. Lol. She was grumpy and kinda lame, but I didnt have to worry when I was on her back. She didnt buck (crowhop yes) or rear and I could just jump on and go even if I hadnt ridden in a month. I want another Coco.
Today I didnt get to see brett nuch as he had work and he went bull rididng and I was riding horses all day. I saw him for about an hour and a half total. But I had tons of fun today out at the horse trainers. Rode a horse he's selling and my friend roxanne messed with her colt he is training for her. He likes us alot im sure and tells us stories of riding his horses in TV shows winning show jumping comps where the last jump was 7'2!!! Racing in florida and working on a ranch breaking colts. Its like he has done everything horse related! I aske him what he hadn't done and he said polo. Lol. I love to hear his stories.
Idk what to do. He's talkin crazy. I can't comfort him. He has his mind set. No matter what I end up hurt. What have I done that make him think this way? Can't he trust me? I just want him to love me now and this moment, but all he can do is think about the future. I'm probably being selfish here, but his isn't the only one that will change drastically. I don't want to fight with him. Especially not before he leaves. I can't stand to hear him talk like this. I don't have the words to comfort him. I don't know that everything will be alright. I don't know that we will end up together forever. No one knows what the future has in store. He may meet someone, I may meet someone. No one knows. But I do know that I love him and I'm going to keep loving him. Idk if that will change. I hope it doesn't, but I will love him with all my soul. I'm not worried about the future. What happens happens. In life we have to take chances. The greatest succeses are because someone took a chance. I'm willing to take a chance with him. I wont regret it.
Im so confused. Brett pretty much just broke up with me. He says he wants to take a break. So that he wont be on my mind when he leaves, so that I wont be burdened with a boyfriend that wont be around. So that I can live life. I kinda get where he's coming from but Im so sad. I feel like the world has ended. He says we will still do everything like a couple until he leaves. He doesnt understand that when he leaves he will still be on my mind, still be the boyfriend that wont be around. Im shaking so much now its hard to type. It makes me feel like he doesnt want to be with me. I feel as though I did something wrong. I didnt say the right thing to console him. I bitched to much. I just didn't do enough. What a day for the 3 month drought to end. It's raining outside and inside.