Most people, when told they can't do something, won't achieve something, or are guaranteed to fail at something, buckle in with grim determination and are inclined to say 'watch me, then.'
I'm not one of those people. At all.
See, the thing is, I was raised in a house where looking at the 'bigger picture' and hearing all sides of a story was expected. I had tolisten to many different aspects and points of view in an argument and make a decision based on what I was hearing. This, in and of itself, isn't a bad skill to have. But at the same time, the household I was raised in was also abusive. I learned there that their 'can't' defined me because of it.
When someone tells me I can't do something, the ingrained response in me is to ask them why they feel that way. When they give their reasons, I listen for the logic, and then if there's something I agree with, the ingrained response in me is to take the logic and apply it to myself and line of thinking - thus, I give up any belief I had in myself in the first place, because the logic is sound and it is against me.
This has applied to literally everything - college, career, weight loss, getting on a healthier life style... Horses. All I hear when I think about these things is that dreaded four letter word, and an abysmal feeling of loss washes over me. My line of thinking isn't a can-do one, it is a can't-do one. The kind that would trap me in a dead end job, because that's all I've ever done and all I'll ever be good for, anyway. Yet aside from this can't-do line of thinking, I have a positive attitude, good work ethic, strong morals. I know how to do a job, I know how to be a supervisor, I am well liked by co-workers and employers, customers love to see me because of how polite I am. I can do some things, I just can't achieve the big things. That's how I think, because that's all I've ever been told and the logic works.
I know that for the 'prove'em wrong' community, the entire start of this thread won't make sense. "Wouldn't that just add fuel to the fire and make you STRIVE to show them just how much you're capable of?!" Or, "Only quitters talk that way!!" I've heard both arguments and can see the point, but, since this is hopefully a journey in horses, let me explain the numerous 'can'ts' I've heard. Since I was young, I have had a great many horsey ambitioms, that, while likely not leading to the richest of lives, has always felt fulfilling in thought.
I wanted to be an Olympic rider when I was ten. Can't - we didn't have the money to pursue the sport, we didn't live in the right part of the state, let alone country, plus my family was an entrepreneurial one. We had a business to run.
I wanted to create a new horse breed when I was eleven. Can't - no money, too many horses already populating the planet, business to run, no knowledge of horse breeding, anyway, and a waste of time to learn because...no money.
I wanted to have some sort of boarding barn, lesson barn, training barn, or combination of the three, from twelve to fourteen. Can't - money, too competitive a market, waste of education, not profitable/never gonna be rich from it, dying industry in this technological world.
You get the gist. It always comes down to money and realistic goals. The horse industry is a hard one to make a living in. Which I myself have advised numerous times, here and in the real world. I'm not denying it in the least. Horses take money to make money, it is an industry that is struggling under the convenience of technology currently, and it's such a competitive market. Therefore, most of my dreams are things I can't do and, at the end, make no sense to dwell over.
Of course, as time went on, I accepted that fact. I took lessons from a lesson barn that, looking back, greatly dissapoints and fails to teach horsemanship that'd save your hide in any really tense situation. I spent four years in a barn that put me in the saddle and taught me to 'ride,' but never taught the principals of anything else in the horse world. Big, waste, of, money. I want a refund. Though, that's a story for another time. However, in having accepted that I couldn't achieve something, all horses became was a dying hobby. This was a very hard, very depressing time as I forced myself to stop loving horses. Eventually, I had stopped seeing them altogether. Partly because of school, partly because of my own forced out growth of the animal.
So what is this journey away from 'can't?' Why does it even matter if I have taken other people at their word that I can't achieve even the most basic of life goals? It's about the fact that in listening to everyone else's perspective, and looking at their bigger pictures, I have made their speculations my reality. I proved them right, and showed them that even the most basic things are things I can't do. It's high time I step out of the shell and fight, like so many others would, to prove them wrong.
This road is about horses, what I intend to share with you, but it affects so much more than just that aspect of this life of mine. Details will be skewed, out of respect of privacy, but hopefully it'll end up being a story worth reading.
And so, I will post my goals, and why I can't achieve them, and hopefully, that will be the last 'can't' I impose on myself - which will be hard, no doubt about it.
I'm not one of those people. At all.
See, the thing is, I was raised in a house where looking at the 'bigger picture' and hearing all sides of a story was expected. I had tolisten to many different aspects and points of view in an argument and make a decision based on what I was hearing. This, in and of itself, isn't a bad skill to have. But at the same time, the household I was raised in was also abusive. I learned there that their 'can't' defined me because of it.
When someone tells me I can't do something, the ingrained response in me is to ask them why they feel that way. When they give their reasons, I listen for the logic, and then if there's something I agree with, the ingrained response in me is to take the logic and apply it to myself and line of thinking - thus, I give up any belief I had in myself in the first place, because the logic is sound and it is against me.
This has applied to literally everything - college, career, weight loss, getting on a healthier life style... Horses. All I hear when I think about these things is that dreaded four letter word, and an abysmal feeling of loss washes over me. My line of thinking isn't a can-do one, it is a can't-do one. The kind that would trap me in a dead end job, because that's all I've ever done and all I'll ever be good for, anyway. Yet aside from this can't-do line of thinking, I have a positive attitude, good work ethic, strong morals. I know how to do a job, I know how to be a supervisor, I am well liked by co-workers and employers, customers love to see me because of how polite I am. I can do some things, I just can't achieve the big things. That's how I think, because that's all I've ever been told and the logic works.
I know that for the 'prove'em wrong' community, the entire start of this thread won't make sense. "Wouldn't that just add fuel to the fire and make you STRIVE to show them just how much you're capable of?!" Or, "Only quitters talk that way!!" I've heard both arguments and can see the point, but, since this is hopefully a journey in horses, let me explain the numerous 'can'ts' I've heard. Since I was young, I have had a great many horsey ambitioms, that, while likely not leading to the richest of lives, has always felt fulfilling in thought.
I wanted to be an Olympic rider when I was ten. Can't - we didn't have the money to pursue the sport, we didn't live in the right part of the state, let alone country, plus my family was an entrepreneurial one. We had a business to run.
I wanted to create a new horse breed when I was eleven. Can't - no money, too many horses already populating the planet, business to run, no knowledge of horse breeding, anyway, and a waste of time to learn because...no money.
I wanted to have some sort of boarding barn, lesson barn, training barn, or combination of the three, from twelve to fourteen. Can't - money, too competitive a market, waste of education, not profitable/never gonna be rich from it, dying industry in this technological world.
You get the gist. It always comes down to money and realistic goals. The horse industry is a hard one to make a living in. Which I myself have advised numerous times, here and in the real world. I'm not denying it in the least. Horses take money to make money, it is an industry that is struggling under the convenience of technology currently, and it's such a competitive market. Therefore, most of my dreams are things I can't do and, at the end, make no sense to dwell over.
Of course, as time went on, I accepted that fact. I took lessons from a lesson barn that, looking back, greatly dissapoints and fails to teach horsemanship that'd save your hide in any really tense situation. I spent four years in a barn that put me in the saddle and taught me to 'ride,' but never taught the principals of anything else in the horse world. Big, waste, of, money. I want a refund. Though, that's a story for another time. However, in having accepted that I couldn't achieve something, all horses became was a dying hobby. This was a very hard, very depressing time as I forced myself to stop loving horses. Eventually, I had stopped seeing them altogether. Partly because of school, partly because of my own forced out growth of the animal.
So what is this journey away from 'can't?' Why does it even matter if I have taken other people at their word that I can't achieve even the most basic of life goals? It's about the fact that in listening to everyone else's perspective, and looking at their bigger pictures, I have made their speculations my reality. I proved them right, and showed them that even the most basic things are things I can't do. It's high time I step out of the shell and fight, like so many others would, to prove them wrong.
This road is about horses, what I intend to share with you, but it affects so much more than just that aspect of this life of mine. Details will be skewed, out of respect of privacy, but hopefully it'll end up being a story worth reading.
And so, I will post my goals, and why I can't achieve them, and hopefully, that will be the last 'can't' I impose on myself - which will be hard, no doubt about it.