alex is a real person, theres no lie here. we've been together since august 1st of 2011, and hes been my saving grace in many ways. my anxiety turns out to have been just that. MY anxiety. hes been working for my father since nov 2011, and due to recent circumstances, we've been able to put many of our issues to bed. heres how:
A month ago, my father told alex that the office girl at the shop (which is eventually going to be mine) was quitting. And my dad wanted family back in the office. so, on monday it will have been exactly a month that i've been working 51 hrs a week in my shop, fixing the three yrs worth of damage done since i left the first time to jump on my training career. i still manage the boarding barn, but have since doled out duties to two of my trust worthy boarders for half off their board. The woman we were living with threw a big nasty temper tantrum when i began working again, and after everything that shes done to us (including stealing money, leaving me for months at a time as the sole caregiver of her extremely elderly parents, crashing our truck, lieing to four different barns to try and take clients, lieing to my face about multiple different things, etc.) she tried to demand 600 dollars to cover our "damages". i promptly explained that considering the amount of therapy i've had to pay for, the damage to our truck we've had to fix, the number of things that have been stolen, the damage to my animals shes caused, etc, that i wouldn't be paying her a dime. to which she stomped her feet and slammed her door. turns out, the guy shes been sleeping with for money found a girlfriend and she needed booze and a truck payment. she stole tools out of Alex tool box ( around $3,000 worth, between the snap-on sets, the makita drills and saws, and his special made welding equipment) to cover herself. which, is of little concern. they are insured and will be replaced, and shes in jail. how? because i called human services, and had her parents removed from her care, and had her picked up on elderly abuse and neglect, and violation of probation. now lou and nancy can have the some quality of life, and that dumb cow is where she belongs. her daughter, whom is like a younger sister to me, stays with me on weekends, and with her aunt during the week.
she stays with me because alex and i are now living in an apartment two streets behind the shop. We use our lunch breaks to let our dogs out, and are planning on getting bikes to ride to work after the place is furnished. our whole life fit in six trash bags when we left the hell hole. we are rebuilding, and doing so on a much better foundation than what we started with. alex has done some reading and talked to my doctor. he now understands my compulsive behaviors, and is working with me to find a happy balance. working a full day helps, as its distracting and gives me a better focus. i haven't thought of self harming in two weeks. it still gets to me, i clench and tweak and shake still, but its manageable, still no meds :)
when i sit back, and think of everything alex and i have fought through in the last yr, including him quiting his job, living in a 25 ft trailer with no electric or water, surviving my mother, surviving the gibson house, and now fighting our way into our apartment, i laugh a little. we've fought a war. and anybody who wants to come at me about anything can take their swing. yea, i'm dependant on my fiance, yea im a mental case with more problems than a five yr old ford, but i've got a man who loves me, a future in training and equine management and a five yr contract to serve until i'm set for life with the company thats been in my family for sixty years. try me.