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speaking my mind.

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        08-18-2012, 01:54 PM
      #11
    Yearling
    Sigh* today, I actually have thoughts. Firstly, Annie is learning the spanish walk. So far, we've got our big showy steps, in place. The walking thing is taking a little longer, but the more peppermint I have the more she paso steps instead of taking big elegant strides. I have to find a way to cue her and reward her without exciting her to much. Othewise, i'll just have a horse that dances in place. Hmph.

    Secondly, helping others who are genuinely trying to help themselves. A friend of mine (we'll call him Pat) was honorably discharged from the marines a few years back. And when he got here, his mother died, leaving him broke, homeless and completely alone. He sleeps in a tent my dad gave him in a park near our shop, and walks over in the mornings to help with eh cleaning and painting and building maintenance. He legitimately wants to be employed, and be a functional member of society.
    The American red cross has told him they can't help. They said if he had a drug problem, or a mental health issue or something they could give him housing and food. But since he's a perfectly healthy individual, albiet a little disturbed from four years of killing people, they turned him out onto the streets. The veteran programs in the area are full, with a waiting list a mile long. The homeless shelters in the area are so full, people are sleeping in the ally behind it, and in the hallways.
    How can a nation ignore its protectors? How can we seriously turn out the people risking their lives to keep us free? Pat tells me its not so bad, that you learn to appreciate everything we have even if your homeless. But I believe he deserves better. He's been taking showers at our new place, but has refused to couch crash. There needs to be more in place for these men and women. The sacrifice the time it would take to build their lives so we can live ours in peace and we can't even put food in their bellies when they get back with nothing? Its infuriating. And no I don't mean infuriating as in burn down buildings go nuts blah blah blah for all you freaking piranha out there. I mean infuriating as in sit here at my desk and research programs and make phone calls, and try to DO something about it. Which brings me to something that's been on my mind lately, maybe I do have a superman complex. I want to try and save everything, fix everyone make everything sparkles and rainbows and pudding. Its just not possible and I know it, but ****. I look around and it seems like everyones out for themselves with blinders on to the rest of the world. I may not be able to help the whole world, but I can be more conscious. I only wanna do what I can.
    Unlike some of the rat turds on this.
         
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        08-28-2012, 12:45 PM
      #12
    Yearling
    So miss anne has taken a few steps back. We're doing ground work and some refinishing since she's decided she wants to try and be the boss again. Hands free leading anyone?

    On to whats really on my mind, taking on more than you can handle.
    So far today, i've taken on my dads entry error issues, my moms accounting balancing nightmare, alex's pissyness, and my own anxiety. This is on top of affording our move in, and keeping alex and I both sane. When is to much too much? I know I shouldnt have to shoulder alex's anger but unless I take the time to keep him level, my whole world is liable to flip upside down until he's balanced out again. And my poor dad, just needs help. He's got a panic disorder, and recently its been a biznatch to keep under control. And my mom, is just insane. I shoulder her burdens because to not is to create more of your own. But when is someone supposed to draw the line? I don't want to smoke any more cigarettes today to stay calm, I don't want to leave my desk because i'm shaking to hard to type cause my anxiety is through the roof. Just gotta learn when to back off, idk.
         
        11-14-2012, 05:36 PM
      #13
    Yearling
    Alright, so. My life has settled into a steady pattern, and I just added the best part.

    For the last couple of months, i've been waking up, taking my meds (for CKD and anxiety) working one job, going to the next job, getting home around 9, make dinner, asleep by 11. I have therapy twice a week, havent self harmed in a long time, and got completely caught up with everything we needed to do at the barn (fixing and repairing-wise).

    Alex has come a long way with his anger issues. Firstly, he admitted to having them, and secondly, he's made a HUGE effort in recognizing and refocusing when he's "out of control" of his temper. As a result, we've been doing much better. We even went on our first date since last year!!

    But, the part i'm excited about. Three days a week, I will be getting up at four am, and be going out to train my horse. I havent been able to do any kind of formal training on anne for almost 8 months, and getting back into my itty bitty english saddle is going to be amazing :)

    We started this morning, and I found that she really reaches for the contact with this new bit. Its a lighter copper D-ring snaffle, and w/t she's much softer at the poll, and very "on the bit". But at the canter, she's like a giraffe. I didnt even bother trying to collect her at the canter after a bit because she just kept grabbing the bit and pulling me over her withers. (i need to sit back more and work on my head/hip/heel alignment) so, its back to the round pen for more draw rein work at the canter sans-rider so she can get a little better balanced and not be so......stretchy. We did a lot of bending in frame, and circles, and figure eights, and serpentines, all in frame, at the trot. Did some ground poles and small cross rail work, as she's been very rushy to the fences and I want her to relax and maybe get a little bored before I move her up again. So, Miss Anne is going to be refinished, and may end up in a couple exhibition classes soon. :) would be very nice to get back to competing, even if it is just for fun.

    Oh, and theres Toby. He's a 13yr old paint horse that was givent to this woman who supposedly does horses for the handicapped. However, the far she works for is not registered as a therapy center, and I dnt think she has any idea what she's doing. Toby is very smart, and very not broke. As in, somebody put a saddle on him, let him bronc it out, and called him done. He's horrible on the lead, feels constantly like he's going to pop up on you. (i've only been on him once, after watching his new owner slide off the side of him. She wont ride anything but bareback - respect, but only if you can actually RIDE - and she doesnt know how to break him to the bit, so she uses a bit-less bridle with AWFUL pressure points. She's hired me to do his feet, which are ok overall considering. But, I do not believe this horse will ever be good for handicapped kids. Unbroke, at 13, with unbelievable energy and not enough discipline....no thanks. I want him, you'll see why when I post pics of him soon. Anyhoo, I think I may make a point of working with him and attempting to acquire him. He'd make a lovely barrel/gaming horse. And he kinda matches my Anne :)

    Heres miss Anne from this morning, still dark out :) and one from my drive home to get ready for work. Lol.
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        11-19-2012, 01:46 PM
      #14
    Yearling
    WE HAVE PROGRESS!

    Over the weekend, we did some lunging with our side reins, really worked on getting her balanced at the canter on frame. Did beautifully on the line, then got on and just did some play around hacking. Soooo this morning, I got on and did our normal w/t warm up, and she did wonderfully. Soft on the bit, not pulling my hands to the floor, really getting her hind end under her. We finally have IMPULSION at the trot, and I got a couple nice rounds of extension out of her too. Tried for contact at the canter, and she gave, but fought it. She drops her head and tips her nose in, but grabs the bit and runs with it a little. Not out of control just fast and pushy. She's still not comfortable, but she tries for a minute before throwing her tantrum and tossing her head up again. I'm sure it wont be long and we'll have a soft, rounded, on the bit canter.

    We did some crossrail work, and she actually got bored enough to forget to pick up her feet a couple times, :) so I threw in a vertical just to wake her up. I have a feeling once she relaxes and collects up at the canter, we should be able to move on to cantering lines without flying around the ring like a gull on crack. She just gets so excited.

    And we did some spanish walk work when we were done. She's finally understanding that she can move her back feet AND her front feet when we do this, so another month and we'll be spanish walkin :) heres some pictures from after our ride.
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        11-26-2012, 12:27 PM
      #15
    Yearling
    We had gate issues today. We've never had gate issues before. I'e been doing a lot more ring work than normal, only because I don't have time to trail ride, but today was exceptionally difficult. Alex was with us this morning, sitting by the gate. And no matter what I was doing, even in frame, Annie wanted nothing more than to pull me straight to the gate. So, although we did well with our in frame work today (albeit a little heavy on my hands what with the dragging to the gate) we will be switching to western for a few rides, and working on our yielding, side passing, and stops in the new bit. Hopefully, this will get her out of the rigid "english" mode, and down into a nice relaxed pleasure mode, and i'll get some more focus, and less gate rushing.

    Realized our problem over fences is me. I get so focused on what she's doing, and we haven't jumped in so long that 'ive actually taken a step back in my posture and strength over the fence. Gotta work on my feet not coming up behind me, and not leaning on her neck at my release. BAD MOMMY.

    In other news, my birthday was this weekend!!!! Got some pictures of that, and of the doggies :)
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