04-05-2011, 12:47 PM
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Well...I screwed up. I lost my head. Struggle to stay sane? Well, I didn't.
I really don't want to go into detail about what I did because I KNOW I WAS WRONG. Long story short, my instructor just kept saying "No that's wrong. No that's wrong. No that's wrong." I was SURE I was doing it right, but she kept insisting I was wrong and would not tell me why or how I could change it. I was having a bad day, I was cranky, and not in the mood for her bulls**t. I...screamed at her. I got off my horse and yelled at her for not recognizing what I was doing right and just yelling at me and generally not paying attention to me. Well, again, long story short, I was the adult in the situation compared to her. She came up to me in the school tack room and proceeded to yell and whine and LIE TO MY FACE. All I said was "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I understand." And even that was few and far between. She is reallyreallyreally pissed at me. She said how students had been gossiping with her about me (LIE. I was told by another girl this is a BLATANT LIE) and how I think I'm better than her and smarter than her (No, but I don't like you). She called me a snot nosed rich kid (this is my TRAINER people! The person I'm supposed to respect!) and that she's never been so disrespected by a student in her life (I've seen students call her a bitch to her face, I think I was nice by comparison). For the record, every time she said "If you don't want to listen to me, go ride somewhere else!" I said "Okay." I know that she was likely making open threats because she hates losing business, even if she hates the person. Anything to keep the money flowing into her pocket. I hate that woman...
This was probably for the better, honestly. My mom (and my other trainer that I like) predict she'll want me to leave, and I will gladly. As of now we're thinking that this Saturday I'm going to go up, pick up my stuff, and go visit or take a lesson at a barn I'm testing out.
I'm not upset that I yelled at her. I'm not upset that she's kicking me out. I'm upset that I won't get to see my darling Paquita anymore, and I'm upset that I ruined my opportunity to lease her over the summer and fix her up and make her a wonderful school horse. It honestly brings tears to my eyes. Especially because she acts up when I'm not there, and so she'll probably be subjected to horrible things...I pray for her.
Anyway. This was really stupid of me, I know. I was incredibly immature and rude. However, my trainer was a thousand times more rude to me. She acted like a 16 year old...And I'm going to miss Paquita with all my heart.
I think I'm going to start a new journal for my search and experiences at new barns. New barn, fresh start!