I wanted to offer some guidence. This is meant in the most sincere way. I have been on my own since 15.I didn't have phisical and sexual abuse I was emotionally abused. I read you are bipolar. Do you get medical and emotional counseling? You can get it and pay according to your income. I sought many counselers in my younger years.The other thing that had me concerned was that you are dating a 48 yr old. I am 48, I feel because you are vunerable this person is taking advantage of you. I think I saw you were going to get married? When you are 30 and he is 60 he won't be very appealing. Are you with him for support emotionally and possibly financially. I think this may be abusive in a different way, like an older person who takes care of you can control you?? YOu will feel much better about yourself to do it on your own.I would work on yourself so if you can do it alone you will be prepared. Sorry to get so personal but hoping some of my life experiences can help.