Best Friend + Horrible Horsemanship = HELP!!!
 
 

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Best Friend + Horrible Horsemanship = HELP!!!

This is a discussion on Best Friend + Horrible Horsemanship = HELP!!! within the Natural Horsemanship forums, part of the Training Horses category
  • Terrible horsemanship
  • Bff horsemanship

 
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    12-03-2010, 08:51 PM
  #1
Weanling
Best Friend + Horrible Horsemanship = HELP!!!

Ok, please do not take this the wrong way or think badly of me, because I'm just trying to help a pony and her rider. So, my friend has been riding western for about 3 years. (she taught herself to ride without a trainer, so she could use a few tips.) We are so tight, we are pretty much sisters, and I hate to bomb her with critique, but she has terrible horsemanship. Her pony takes care of her so well and I am glad she does, because if she didn't, the pony and my friend would both be either seriously hurt or dead. I love them both to Jesus' house and back, but I hate to see her pony mistreated like the way she is. My friend doesn't do the right thing in many, many situations. For example, they could be riding and my friend could make the most minor change, and the pony would make a mistake. Instead of forgiving the pony, (who only does what her rider says and nothing more) she will automatically get mad and start banging and kicking and pulling and yanking and yelling at her pony. Also, she has no trust in her pony whatsoever. They could be riding along, a car goes by, and my friend loses trust in her pony, and doubts it. Her pony flinches the slightest bit and she gats mad once again. So she asked me to get on her pony and when another car passed, she didn't bat an eye. I trusted the pony, my friend doubts everything and has no trust. When I got on and trusted her and thought about her going right past the car perfectly, that's just what she did.

PLEASE do not take this the wrong way, I'm not bagging on anyone. I just simply do not want to see them hurt and I hate watching the violent episodes when my friend lashes out and the pony gets beat for doing something she was told to do by her owner.

Thanks so much and please offer any advice you may have.
     
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    12-04-2010, 09:14 AM
  #2
Weanling
I"m not a horse trainer but I am a counselor and I would take one thing at a time. Talk to her about one small thing, like trusting her horse on the roads. Show her on your own horse if you can and maybe just go for walks together (not riding) so that she can just learn her pony. Give her a book to read too. Sometimes getting hard advice from a book is easier than getting it from a friend. You said she asked you for advice, so she is willing to hear what you have to say, just take it one thing at a time. As long as the pony isn't in any real danger I think you two will be just fine. Don't ever be afraid to say what needs to be said!
     
    12-05-2010, 12:41 PM
  #3
Weanling
Quote:
Originally Posted by momo3boys    
I"m not a horse trainer but I am a counselor and I would take one thing at a time. Talk to her about one small thing, like trusting her horse on the roads. Show her on your own horse if you can and maybe just go for walks together (not riding) so that she can just learn her pony. Give her a book to read too. Sometimes getting hard advice from a book is easier than getting it from a friend. You said she asked you for advice, so she is willing to hear what you have to say, just take it one thing at a time. As long as the pony isn't in any real danger I think you two will be just fine. Don't ever be afraid to say what needs to be said!
Thanks a bunch! Actually, she never asked me for any advice straightforward, but she asked me to hop on her pony, and that was only once. The bad thing about my friend is that she is very stubborn and ornery, she likes to do things her way and not be told how to do it. I have talked to her about how if she trusts her pony and believes she will do fine, then she will. I have been riding for half of my life (just shy of 10 yrs.) and she simply doesn't like it when I tell her that she is doing something wrong, but thanks again, and I will keep at it!

Oh, and one more thing-her pony is a backyard type. Not registered, bad breeding, no coggins, never been off property, etc. My friend is about to make one of the most horrible mistakes you can make with a mare. She wants to breed her. I keep on telling her how backyard breeding is not a good thing, but she will not listen. Her pony has terrible confo, was bought from an inexperienced home for about $400, she was bred before, but to a stud twice her size and she had a very tough time foaling. The filly was a super cute little paint, but was never broken. For the first 4 years of her life, the filly was in a pasture with her mom. Neither was ever handled, until we became friends and I did something about it. Anyway, even the best stallion in the world probably couldn't cover up all the mare's flaws. Plus, she keeps talking about how they can't afford a lot of things, How are you going to afford a stud fee and another horse??? I keep telling her that she shouldn't do it, but she wants to anyway. I have no idea what to do...
     
    12-05-2010, 12:51 PM
  #4
Banned
I used to have bad anger management with my horse. Talk to her about it, it works trust me I know from experience when someone told me about my anger management skills (which I had none) Practicing patience is very affective, and it's made my horse experience soooo much better.
     
    12-05-2010, 12:55 PM
  #5
Foal
Okay, I don't think I can be much of help, but I figured I would give you some advice on the breeding part. When my aunt wanted to breed her dog, I brought her to a shelter. She saw that there were a lot of dogs in need, and she ended up neutering her dog. I don't know much about horses(just started lessons), but is there a horse auction or something that you could take her to?
     
    12-05-2010, 01:50 PM
  #6
Weanling
I would suggest maybe stay away from auction sales right now. Cheap cute little babies might catch her eye. It might work, but might not, depends on how bad your friend wants a cute little baby.

And she doesn't sound like she can handle a baby right now anyways, so bypassing the breeding and just letting her buy a cheap foal wont help either.

You could always go talk to the local vet, if she/he is against bad breedings, and make arrangements to bring your friend in and have the vet describe what can go wrong, the prices involved when things go wrong, and also just normal costs when you get the proper shots and check ups and everything.

If money is a problem for her family, showing hard facts on how expensive a properly looked after pregnancy is might hit home harder.
     
    12-06-2010, 04:04 PM
  #7
Weanling
Yeah we live in an extremely small town so there is not much to expose her to... I just wish there was some video on youtube or something that I could show her about how backyard breeding is bad and how good trust is.
     
    12-06-2010, 07:50 PM
  #8
Super Moderator
I think you got some good suggestions from momo3boys, the counselor. To that I might add, that if you express concern only for the pony, she may feel that you are neglecting her. I might start by expressing my concern for HER. I mean, it can't feel good to her to be hitting or yelling at her horse. Such behavior stems from fear, which feels really bad to the person, too. Or, feeling scared of her pony, that's gotta feel bad.

You might say something like, "Man, it must be hard for you to ride out on the road, I mean feeling scared that your horse is going to do something bad. That's gotta be really stressful for you." Then she agrees and she talks on and on about how she hates that , yadda yadda . . . . Then you say, "There might be something we could do to change that." and if she "bites", you tell her about the trusting of the pony, maybe set up some sort of concrete trial or game to see if she can tell the difference between when you are trusting your horse at an obstacle and when you are not, and then ask her to try it.
     
    12-06-2010, 10:00 PM
  #9
Weanling
Great idea tiny lily. THe other thing you can do is be all excited about a new "game" you are playing with your horse and see if she wants to learn it. There are all kinds of ways to reach her. Just keep trying. I am sure it will be worth it; for your friendship and the horse! :)
     
    12-06-2010, 10:19 PM
  #10
Trained
You've already gotten some really good advice. Just take your time, and only open up discussion if she opens the door...simply starting discussion on an already known hard topic will only shatter her trust in you. Be creative about going about getting her to talk; her fears are valid, but it's getting her to admit that they are there, and that she wants to get over them.

As far as helping her gain confidence in the horse, the thing I like to do is use a horse I myself trust, and get her doing everything and anything on the ground, to build confidence and trust from there up. Then start putting her on a horse on a lungeline, and start from there, as well...Again, you have to be creative, and she has to be showing that she wants to make a change, otherwise, at this point in time, you will just be doing a bunch of talking...it won't get through. It's hard to evaluate where she's really at, unless a person is there to witness it, so unfortunately, all we can give are suggestions...they may or may not work. The best thing you can do is just continue being a friend to her...showing her how you handle your horses, and how much you trust each other because of the way you choose to handle them.
     

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