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Best Friend + Horrible Horsemanship = HELP!!!

This is a discussion on Best Friend + Horrible Horsemanship = HELP!!! within the Natural Horsemanship forums, part of the Training Horses category

     
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        12-07-2010, 07:36 PM
      #11
    Weanling
    Thanks guys, I have yet to find he perfect time to jump in on it.

    But today, I saw her anger at the worst its been in a long time, her pony was figety because she wouldnt stand still and just sit in the saddle. So she busted out in rage and RAN her pony without any stop, the poor pony couldnt go any faster, and she was still beating her ribs and when they finally stopped, she yanked on her ponys face and yelled for so long. Didnt even walk her out she put the pony away huffing and puffing.

    I REALLY don't want to see my best friend on the planet get hurt, and I just can't stand winessing horse abuse. :(
         
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        12-07-2010, 08:00 PM
      #12
    Showing
    That has crossed the line. Speak up, don't worry about hurting her feelings. It's not right to let that happen again.
         
        12-07-2010, 08:29 PM
      #13
    Trained
    You could tell her that she is on the right track as far as making the horse work if she won't stand still...BUT give her some pointers as to HOW to work the horse...certainly kicking and then yanking on her face is not the answer, but having her run figure eights or circles for a while then asking the horse to stop and stand still is much more constructive. Are there ever any adults out there who witness her behavior, and could actually tell her to get off for a while, til she cools out? Certainly none of the adults around her can see this as being "okay"? But then, I've been wrong before on that account!

    Perhaps intervene at times like that, and ask if you could work with the horse and get her to stand still (or what ever she is wanting), and then you could work her through what you did with the horse, and then let her get back on and try again. I would certainly tell her that anger is an emotion that DOES NOT belong around horses...if she wants to hit something, tell her to get a boxing bag because it won't remember her actions like her horse will ;)
         
        12-07-2010, 09:35 PM
      #14
    Weanling
    Thanks again, I will talk to her about it as soon as possible. Gosh, I hope she doesnt hate me for this, but im only trying to protect two things I love. Wish me luck!
         
        12-08-2010, 08:26 AM
      #15
    Foal
    Your friend is putting herself in great danger. I know she's your best friend, but sometimes you have to be willing to say things that risk the friendship. You can say it with great love and caring. Maybe go somewhere non horsie and neutral were you both like to hang out and relax. I'm concerned about someone who becomes so abusive as a first resort. Where did she get the idea that this is the way to be? Right now its an innocent horse but if she doesn't change, her behavior and attitude could easily translate to an innocent child someday. I'm not a counselor of any sort so take this with that in mind. I know you love your friend and her horse, but if she blows up at you when you approach her with great kindness, then she is not just disrespectful and abusive to her horse...she's doing the same thing to you. You shouldn't have to be afraid to talk to your best friend, especially about something this important. Best friends can say anything to each other.

    If you let this continue without saying what needs to be said, you're enabling her to continue to abuse this poor, innocent animal. For the sake of both their lives I like it's time to be direct, gentle but direct. Please keep in mind that I've given a lot of thought to how I would want to handle this if she were my friend. I have to tell you that I don't tolerate people as friends who are abusive or disrespectful to others or to me. This situation requires you to be strong...I know you have it in you to be like that. Just look at the way you handle your own horse. Good luck girl!
         
        12-08-2010, 06:04 PM
      #16
    Weanling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Ariel    
    Your friend is putting herself in great danger. I know she's your best friend, but sometimes you have to be willing to say things that risk the friendship. You can say it with great love and caring. Maybe go somewhere non horsie and neutral were you both like to hang out and relax. I'm concerned about someone who becomes so abusive as a first resort. Where did she get the idea that this is the way to be? Right now its an innocent horse but if she doesn't change, her behavior and attitude could easily translate to an innocent child someday. I'm not a counselor of any sort so take this with that in mind. I know you love your friend and her horse, but if she blows up at you when you approach her with great kindness, then she is not just disrespectful and abusive to her horse...she's doing the same thing to you. You shouldn't have to be afraid to talk to your best friend, especially about something this important. Best friends can say anything to each other.

    If you let this continue without saying what needs to be said, you're enabling her to continue to abuse this poor, innocent animal. For the sake of both their lives I like it's time to be direct, gentle but direct. Please keep in mind that I've given a lot of thought to how I would want to handle this if she were my friend. I have to tell you that I don't tolerate people as friends who are abusive or disrespectful to others or to me. This situation requires you to be strong...I know you have it in you to be like that. Just look at the way you handle your own horse. Good luck girl!
    Jeez, Thanks SO much. She is by all means NOT disrespectful in any way. We both love eachother to death and I know she would risk her life to save mine.

    I talked with her last night about it, and she understood. I asked her why she would let herself do that to her pony and she said, "I have no idea, she just made me mad and I did it without thinking. And I know I have to find a way to fix that."

    If I show her how she should handle situations like these, I'm positive these incidents will lessen or even stop completely.
         
        12-08-2010, 06:55 PM
      #17
    Weanling
    Good for you vegas! You took the first step in talking to her and it went well. Usually our anticipation of an event is worse that we think, so I am glad that was the case for you. Keep doing what you are doing and don't be afraid to speak you mind when you need to. If she is as good a friend as you say it will all work out fine.
         
        12-08-2010, 08:37 PM
      #18
    Foal
    Good job! I'm so proud of you ! It sounds like your friend is open to changing her relationship with her pony. It will be challenging for her to learn to own her emotions rather than just reacting to outside influences
    (pony influences). Old habits die hard. She's lucky to have a friend like you to help her work through it.
         
        12-13-2010, 05:53 PM
      #19
    Weanling
    thanks a bunch!!
         
        12-14-2010, 09:44 PM
      #20
    Yearling
    I had a friend who used to pull some of the same crap, just like you two we were inseparable!! And best friend for 12+ years. Anyways she had a horse that she used to hit, whenever he did something wrong she would just wail on it. I asked her why she did that. She did it because the place she got "lessons" (and I don't know if I'd even call them that) that was acceptable. At any time when the BO got frustrated, she would whack the horse.

    I'm a fan of John Lyons, and one of the things that always stuck with me from his teachings was that ANY horse can KILL YOU!! Now that is NOT a scare tactic but it sure puts stuff in perspective. I and I'm sure many others on here, have experienced the power of horses. That doesn't mean be afraid, but it does mean that a horse needs to be treated with the respect that they deserve. Even the smallest pony can retaliate and hurt someone, I'm not saying they will, but they theoretically could. That said, they deserve respect when being dealt with. I definitely understand discipline and correction, but it needs to be done in a way that will TEACH the horse, not just give it a bad experience. For example, when my horse used to turn her butt to me, I'd give her a good tap on the butt, make her move, and then after that, have her turn and face me and pet her. This was she learned that she needs to pay attention to me and not ignore me, but at the same time I NEVER hurt her or scared her for no reason. She learned from everything I did. EVERY TIME YOU WORK A HORSE IT IS A LEARNING EXPERIENCE, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT. Her pony is learning that when she is ridden, it ends up bad. Ponies aren't stupid, she is going to eventually learn that being ridden=bad. Its only a matter of time.

    Try being a good example to her, give her advice on how to use constructive techniques that teach the horse, instead of just punishing. If the horse moves when she doesn't want it to, have her teach the horse how to stand still, and have her desensitize it to scary things.

    The first thing I thought of, besides the stuff above, was that your friend seems afraid of her pony. In my opinion, she needs work on not being afraid. So what if the pony moves or is fidgety? All horses get that way, just another opportunity to train. Sounds like your friend needs to learn to control her fear and anger and not blame the pony. She needs to first ask if she is doing something wrong. 90% of the time it is the rider, not the owner. Everyone makes mistakes. As John Lyons says, if your horse doesn't understand what you are asking, then you are asking wrong!! Good luck with her, and good job so far at setting a good example, I know how frustrating it can be. She'll learn eventually.
         

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