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Gaining respect from my mare

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  • Yes respect is the term
  • My mare is not respecting me

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    05-10-2012, 06:51 PM
OK usand, yes, it's all opinions & perceptions In this case, I think it's our perception of the term 'respect' that is the difference. This term grates on me actually, because it's rather ambiguous & to many people seems to equate to fear and dominance. I don't think it includes either of those things.

To me, respect is something that comes out of trust and good communication, that must be earned, can't be forced. It's a 'two way street', meaning that I think respecting the horse & his way of thinking & attitudes are part of earning respect from him. It is what causes the horse to willingly and confidently do as you ask without coersion. I think trust is a necessary ingredient. You can have trust without respect, which as you point out, can make a horse rude & dangerous.

BUT I don't have a problem with clearly & fairly taught consequences to actions. Eg. I don't have a problem with punishment on occasion(prefer not to use it but won't hesitate if it seems necessary, esp for safety). It seems that this may be what you mean by respect & yes, I agree that I wouldn't work on trust at the expense of ignoring that, but likewise I don't do this exclusively either, but in a clear & consistent way, without anger, to encourage them to trust me. You can have obedience and submissiveness without respect.
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    05-10-2012, 07:16 PM
I had a similar thing happen when I bought a horse a few years ago. He was great but when I arrived someone was already riding him. Didn't think much of it. I rode him and he did great. Got him home and went to bridle him. He reared over and over. Tried again the next day. Same thing. Couldn't get a bridle near his head. I had someone that trained horses come get him and he told me the horse was not well trained and that I would be better off trading him for another horse, which I did.
I will never buy another horse that someone else rides first or that I can't tack up myself before riding. Lesson learned.
I hope you and your horse can work things out and I agree that you should try some natural horsemanship with her before giving up.
    05-10-2012, 09:43 PM
My mare is 8 years old she is a Reg QH so I know her age. I do have access to a round pen. On poster asked about why I was lungeing. The first time I did was before I rode her to work off some of her extra energy, the second and third time was trying to exercise her and just work with her since I didn't have time to ride. She is a little more energetic then I thought, I don't know what they were feeding but I fed her alfalfa and grass hay. No grain. She was a little underweight. Now she is just on pasture, and is in good shape.
Thanks for all the good advice. I will watch and read some of CA and see I can learn how to work with her better.
    05-11-2012, 12:40 AM
Green Broke
Yes loosie, respect is a vague term. To me respect is obedience and submissiveness. I expect the same behavior and attitude that the would give the lead or alpha horse. Granted I'm not a horse but I am their leader. I expect them to stay out of my space unless invited in. I also treat them like the lead horse would. If they do something undesired, I correct them. No different than the lead horse.
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    05-11-2012, 09:51 AM
I hope your mare is actually 8 years old and the papers match the horse. I'd still have a look in her mouth, that's just me LOL.

Just a word of caution: as I mentioned earlier, if you aren't familiar with how to lunge properly, it may only add to your communication problems with your new mare. Horses work off very subtle cues, and if you don't know what those cues are and how and when to use and respond, etc, round penning and lunging may create more trust issues rather than alleviate them, as will packaged training methods cleverly marketed for beginners such as those by CA. If you find none of them work for you to meet your goals, don't despair.
    05-11-2012, 10:30 AM
I have to agree, respect is the first thing, trust comes with time. I had a friend who bought a paso from a riding stable, she rode, the owner rode it and our other friend rode it, I passed well she gets him home and takes a couple of days to get to know him the usual then she saddles him up and bam he reared. This horse reared on her over and over, luckily we had a friend who works with horses and after a month of him helping her they have finally gotten to the point where he doesn't. Although she does take precautions every time she rides him.
I think when you buy a horse and say, its had all it's life at a stable and you bring them to more of a trail riding pasture kept place, it has to be an adjustment. I had a friend who bought a ex barrel horse, she is a really nice horse but the lady who bought her isn't going to be asking her to take off so to speak. That horse has become somewhat of a nightmare for my friend. The horse was used to a firm owner and this owner is a softie. She likes to go but this owner doesn't feel comfortable with that.
When I bought my mare she was broke for trailriding and that was her only job. Then she spent about 7yrs as a broodmare. The lady I bought her from said her grandfather always made sure that he broke his horses well. She has done awesome, her only flaw is she will try to avoid me catching her, its not the toughest try I've ever seen lol its actually not even a good try
Just like my friend who rides awesome but she is intimidated of trail riding. She is used to lesson horses, and when you go trail riding a lot of things can pop up.
Your horse needs your leadership for its new job.
I would try Monty Roberts joinup exercise. I like Clinton Anderson he breaks it down for the common man. Youtube has lots of videos. I change directions a lot when I lunge, I don't just send them around in circles since I'm lunging for respect and leadership not exercise. Just my opinion
    05-13-2012, 01:38 PM
Horses differ, some are more submissive than others, etc.

But all horses, I think, want consistency. Predictability. My advice is, look over the options, and stick with it. Don't be thinking, "Oh, that didn't work, I'll try this now." Which approach you use depends not only on your horse but yourself, how firm you can/want to be, on a day-to-day basis. One time means nothing; two times means nothing; it's only after a week, even longer, than your horse may decide she can "trust" you on that, if you see what I mean.

The older the horse, probably, the longer it may take. But I think it depends more on the horse herself: the confident, self-reliant horse is going to take longer to change her ways.
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