I don't feel a bond with my horse
 
 

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I don't feel a bond with my horse

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  • Why don't me and my horse bond after one year
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    12-02-2013, 10:27 PM
  #1
Foal
I don't feel a bond with my horse

I feel like my horse hates me. I don't really know why I feel this way but I do. I feel like he doesn't really want to be around me. It's driving me crazy. I just want to be able to have my horse love and care for me as much as I do for him.
Bonding tips?

I feel unloved and everyone on Instagram is posting liberty pics with perfect bonds. And Im just like... "Eh, my horse would never do that"
     
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    12-02-2013, 10:32 PM
  #2
Started
I don't do liberty or anything, but my mare is a bit standoffish. She's not super cuddly or nosy, but she knows me.
I can touch her face, do whatever I want to her, but she won't put up with it when other people do it.
It took my girl two years to have full trust in me and allow me to do what I wanted.

How long have you had your boy for?

As for tips on bonding, don't worry so much about teaching him to bond. Just spend time with him, brush him, play around, ring work, trails, or whatever you feel like doing.
tzoidbk likes this.
     
    12-02-2013, 10:33 PM
  #3
Started
What do you currently do with your horse? Do you spend any time with him that isn't on his back? Or even time with him on his back but doing something he wants? Does your horse get anything out of a relationship with you besides food and a roof over his head in trade for his work?
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    12-02-2013, 10:35 PM
  #4
Weanling
Groundwork and activity miles build bonds. You don't mention how long you've had him. It took me a good year to really get to know any of my three horses and just in my third year have I truly started to bond with my current boy. I don't have the time now that I did with my first horse... I finally sold her because she never did like me, even after more than 4000 logged trail miles. Turns out she loved men. Go figure.
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    12-02-2013, 11:04 PM
  #5
Yearling
     
    12-02-2013, 11:12 PM
  #6
Foal
I feel the same way about my mare I feel like she has mixed feelings about me she loves me sometimes and sometimes she hates me it feels like.
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    12-02-2013, 11:44 PM
  #7
Showing
Guys, just because a horse isn't all lovey-dovey doesn't mean that there isn't a bond. Some horses just don't have it in them to be that way.

Part of being a horseman is learning how to adjust your own desires and needs to what the horse is willing and able to do/give. If you want a lovey-dovey horse but your horse isn't a lovey-dovey personality, then the more time you spend with him trying to make him that way is going to make him sour and resentful of your presence.

How does your horse behave toward you? Is he respectful and obedient? Willing? Does he do what you want but is sluggish about it? Is he resistant to the point that you have to make him do what you want?
     
    12-03-2013, 12:23 PM
  #8
Weanling
Not every horse is going to "love" you the way you love him (they're not dogs after all). I've had my guy for 3 years now and just a few weeks ago he started actively seeking attention from me. Before that he could care less and other than grooming, didn't seem to care when I scratched behind his ears or gave him a hug and sniffed that wonderful horse smell. He's never going to be as cuddly as my husbands horse, but we have our own kind of love affair~
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    12-03-2013, 12:32 PM
  #9
Trained
Horses don't love like people do. Horses don't love like dogs do. Dogs have been selectively bred for thousands of years to love humans - not so with horses.

Some horses are expressive, some aren't.

If you want a better relationship with your horse you have to try to build one. Even then be still may never be expressive. Also, don't confuse training with a bond. Liberty training is training. Training is what you work with. Training is what you ride. Try spending more non riding time together. Groundwork, take walks, just hang out. Sometimes I just stand in my horse's stall playing on my phone while he eats. When I first got him he didn't care, now every so often he will touch his nose to me and keep eating.
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    12-03-2013, 12:59 PM
  #10
Green Broke
Quote:
Guys, just because a horse isn't all lovey-dovey doesn't mean that there isn't a bond. Some horses just don't have it in them to be that way.

Part of being a horseman is learning how to adjust your own desires and needs to what the horse is willing and able to do/give. If you want a lovey-dovey horse but your horse isn't a lovey-dovey personality, then the more time you spend with him trying to make him that way is going to make him sour and resentful of your presence.

How does your horse behave toward you? Is he respectful and obedient? Willing? Does he do what you want but is sluggish about it? Is he resistant to the point that you have to make him do what you want?
I want to double like this.

Imagine being a person that is fairly matter-of-fact. Great person, but not the lovey, touchy type. They want to spend time with their friends, but would rather be doing an activity. Not big on small talk. Then say they get paired up with a bubbly person that wants to hug and hang off them constantly. Always wants to be talking and their favorite thing to do is hang out together, not getting much done.

see how this would not end well? The first person would be annoyed at the touchy-feely person that was wasting time, and babbling away about nothing constantly. The bubbly person would feel unliked, because a)they were not reciprocating the way they chose to express themselves and b) the other person was now seriously annoyed and avoiding them.

this is how most(particularly young, and/or beginner) recreational horse people start out. If you don't have a naturally touchy-feely, in your pocket type horse, trying to force your good, honest horse into that mold will only frustrate you and seriously annoy your horse. Learn to respect what your horse is, and love the type of personality it has, instead of hoping for the magical, lovey-dovey Disney bond.

My mare, and one of my favorite horses that my BO owns, are of the "lets get to work!" type. Don't want pets, love, hugs or praises, they want to be able to get to work and do their job, that's what they love and get satisfaction from. I personally adore this type of horse, and don't expect any thing else from them. My filly Pickles, is the lovey type, who could stand there all day surrounded by little girls brushing, braiding, and covering her in pink sparkles. And you know what? That's OK too.
     

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bonding, help training, liberty training

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