I lost it, I feel so bad, what to do?!? - The Horse Forum

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post #1 of 38 Old 01-14-2012, 03:11 PM Thread Starter
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I lost it, I feel so bad, what to do?!?

OhMyGosh I feel terrible...

I took my dear pony out on her own today, which usually she's great with. We got out the field fine, out the graveyard fine, down the track was a little hairy and then along the track there was a turn off to a stubble field, now, usually I don't go in there, but today flicka wanted to go in, so I thought great, she wants to go exploring, so we headed in their, trotted and cantered (her canter was weiirrrrddd all strange and bouncy) and went along the edge of the field, top of the field, through to the next field, down the side of the field, back to the track. All of a sudden, she didn't want to go. I got her so far down the track (about 10m) and she spun round. I managed to stop her back at the stuble field track join. I turned her to the way we were going to go, asked her to go on, and she reared up and turned the the field, so I pulled her back the way she had turned whilst rearing, and asked again, and she did the same, at least five more times we did this. So anyway I got her 5m down the track, then she stopped and I couldn't get her to go along. So I got off and pulled her. We got about another 10m and she stopped, and wouldn't go. So I stood at her shoulder, clicked with my tongue, strongly asked her to go forward, and she didin't go. And then I just...lost it I jabbed her in the mouth and screamed at her crying. I can't believe I did that it got her going but now she...hates me...she was like a kid in a strop. I didn't want to ride her so I walked and after a while...i let go of her reins and she carried on beside me...so I stopped but she kept walking. She just walked.

I got on her near the end of the ride and rode home...we got back to the field and she seems really distant....

What have I done??? Why did she do that??? How can I ask her to forgive me??? Please help me

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99% of the time, its the riders fault.
Flicka 13yo Haflinger Mare.
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post #2 of 38 Old 01-14-2012, 03:20 PM
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It sounds like your mare needs some respect training. I wouldnt worry to much about making friends with her right now and focus more on respect. After respect she can be your friend.
You need to become her leader. The reason she kept walking after you stopped is because she sees herself in charge. As for the lashing out on her, I think it was a little drastic but not exactly uncalled for. It should have been a smoother transition of ask/tell/demand
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Last edited by GreyRay; 01-14-2012 at 03:29 PM.
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post #3 of 38 Old 01-14-2012, 03:27 PM
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you may have confused her by your inconsistent behavior (being patient and asking and reasking and reasking, then becoming suddenly emotional), But, please dont' confuse her even more by changing your overall behavior to her and being all apologetic and letting her do what she pleases becasue you worry she is mad.
By now, she has LONG forgotten the incident. You must immediately return to being consistent. THat is what matters to horses; consistency. Even a horse that is treated perhaps a bit cruelly by our standards can be fine as long as they know what to expect. They adapt and live within the boundaries set for them. So, don't change the boundaries trying to make it up to her.


Go back to thinking about that problem. Her rearing to avoid going forward is a big problem. You will have to work on this baulking. Do you think she was not wanting to go forward due to fear of something in the bushes or that she had reached a place that was far enough from home to make her decide she had had it and would go no further from home?

Getting some advice on baulking and how to deal with this would be my next step.
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post #4 of 38 Old 01-14-2012, 03:40 PM
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Even though it sounds easier said than done, (believe me, I know, as I love the sweet bond I have with my mare!), gaining her respect at this point must come first. I had some respect issues with my horse for a while, (baulking), and had to be firmer. It's amazing the respect I get from her now! Best of luck with this, and don't be too hard on yourself over it - your pony, as Tinyliny stated, has long forgotton it by now. Forgive yourself, know you're a good and loving owner, and go forward reaping the rewards :)
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post #5 of 38 Old 01-14-2012, 04:02 PM
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Now, keep in mind OP, what I am about to say it not meant in a snarky way at all, it's just how I feel.

This is the exact problem with the commercialized NH movement. You are more concerned with the fact that your mare might be mad at you than you are with the fact that she could have easily killed you simply because she didn't get her way. She's spoiled, she's disrespectful, and when horses are like that, they do not see you as a friend, they see you as a subordinate that they can boss around because you won't say "no".

People never seem to understand that you will have a much better relationship with your horse when you demand respect than you ever will by begging for friendship.

Go back to the ground, don't play games, don't be "friends", be the alpha mare. Set a job for her and make her do it...by any means necessary. Then, go back to the saddle, give her a job to do and make her do it...by any means necessary. If you don't feel that you can do that yourself, then get help from a trainer who can.

Always remember that feeling of looking at a big, open country over the ears of a good horse, seeing a new trail unwind ahead of you, and that ever-spectacular view from the top of the ridge!!! Follow my training blog: http://robertsontraining.blogspot.com/
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post #6 of 38 Old 01-14-2012, 04:05 PM Thread Starter
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I love you guys. You are awsome. I am going to get her to learn that respect!! I am leader. I am the one in charge.

I've been studying join up for a while now, and am going to try this on my mare. It should help.


THANK YOU PEOPLE OF GREAT AWESOMENESS!!!
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99% of the time, its the riders fault.
Flicka 13yo Haflinger Mare.
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post #7 of 38 Old 01-14-2012, 04:07 PM Thread Starter
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smrobs- I just saw your post :) that was not snarky- it got me down to earth. You are right. Thank you!!!

99% of the time, its the riders fault.
Flicka 13yo Haflinger Mare.
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post #8 of 38 Old 01-14-2012, 05:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smrobs View Post
Now, keep in mind OP, what I am about to say it not meant in a snarky way at all, it's just how I feel.

This is the exact problem with the commercialized NH movement. You are more concerned with the fact that your mare might be mad at you than you are with the fact that she could have easily killed you simply because she didn't get her way. She's spoiled, she's disrespectful, and when horses are like that, they do not see you as a friend, they see you as a subordinate that they can boss around because you won't say "no".

People never seem to understand that you will have a much better relationship with your horse when you demand respect than you ever will by begging for friendship.

Go back to the ground, don't play games, don't be "friends", be the alpha mare. Set a job for her and make her do it...by any means necessary. Then, go back to the saddle, give her a job to do and make her do it...by any means necessary. If you don't feel that you can do that yourself, then get help from a trainer who can.
Yes, yes and YES!
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post #9 of 38 Old 01-14-2012, 05:55 PM
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Join up is jut another way of 'making friends' and is also Natural Horsemanship. Right now what I think you and your mare need is some REAL groundwork. If you must do NH, then check out lunging for respect or the 7 games of horsemanship. Otherwise, I'd stop right now and go back to step one. Make sure she'll do whatever you want whenver you wherever you want to do it. Don't let her question you and don't let her talk back. You're the alpha and she'd better listen or she's going to hurt.
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post #10 of 38 Old 01-14-2012, 06:33 PM
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Excellent advice, Endiku, as I was just doing groundwork today, and had to stand firm against a couple of little episodes - by standing firm and sticking with it, she transitioned from sassy and challenging to submissive and obedient, and all ended beautifully! I can always tell that she is pleased with the outcome, even with me ending up being the alpha mare.
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