I lost it, I feel so bad, what to do?!? - Page 2 - The Horse Forum
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post #11 of 38 Old 01-14-2012, 06:39 PM
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I hope your next ride goes better, OP
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post #12 of 38 Old 01-14-2012, 06:55 PM
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One must approach the horse with a BALANCE of Love, Language, & Leadership, all in equal doses. Forgetting friendliness won't work; she will not see you as alpha for that, she'll see you as a horse Nazi, even though she'll obey out of pain avoidance.

Your jabbing her mouth, screaming & crying ARE serious events, to your horse! YOU are the one who experienced her shut down from a connection with you, as YOU were the only one there! Don't go against your own experience, or you'll be forever confused by the opinings of the absent. That's Level 2 PNH, btw; figure out your own problems!

You'll want to apologize to her for your behaviour: if you're doing PNH, you'll recall Pat saying that BEFORE you act out on your horse, when you're just indulging in emotional impatience or frustration, you need to stop, do nothing, get yourself together, then apologize to your horse for your emotional unfitness.

In PNH, it's the relationship first & foremost. Anyone can MAKE a horse do something; the point of NH is to cause a horse to WANT to.

Also, whenever a horse won't proceed on the trail/out of arena, in PNH, we don't try & force them to proceed! We first see if the horse is right-brain (scared) or left-brain (trying to take over, unafraid). What was the case with your horse?

Last edited by Northern; 01-14-2012 at 07:01 PM.
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post #13 of 38 Old 01-14-2012, 07:07 PM
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So she's supposed to walk up to her horse with perhaps a new blanket and say 'horse, I am so sorry that I was mad at you for challenging my leadership and potentially putting me in a very dangerous situation and next time I promise that I'll listen to you and let you take charge if you really want to?' hun, that don't float my boat at all.

If my horse acts out, I punish them. End of story. Just today my beloved three year old horse decided that she was the leader today and took a kick at me when I went to catch her. That horse found herself with a lungewhip in her face hauling butt to the other side of the pasture while I chased her before she could even think about what she'd done. And yet thirty minutes later when I went to put her up, she was mad at me, she had once again accepted me as her leader, and she hung around even after I unhaltered her to be petted for a few minutes. We have a great bond but if she hurts me, you better believe I'm going punish her back. Its basic alpha beta herd structure. In a herd of wild horses you won't see the lead stallion appologizing after he bites his mare in the neck for getting out of line, would you?

OP- good on you. Just keep your cool and always be careful and in charge when you're working her. She'll get better!
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post #14 of 38 Old 01-14-2012, 07:23 PM
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Endiku, you need to re-read for comprehension. And don't call me "hun"; Northern is my name here, thank you.

OP, I'm sure that you can see that my post doesn't encourage you to stay in the subordinate position with your horse. My post is to try & help you; don't care to spend time answering to snarky false accusations from anyone else.
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post #15 of 38 Old 01-15-2012, 03:30 AM
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i believe you need more leadership and less emotional envolvement.

and northern don't be so 'anthropomorphic'. that's level 1 PNH.
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post #16 of 38 Old 01-15-2012, 03:58 AM Thread Starter
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right thoroughly confused everyone!!! there are sooo many different methods here and people are saying bad things about each one!!
i don't do Parelli and don't agree with it to a certain extent

Endiku- join up is used in the wild herds of horses, this is where monty roberts developed it from. the lead mare uses it to chase off offending herd members, so i don't think its 'making friends' as such

99% of the time, its the riders fault.
Flicka 13yo Haflinger Mare.
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post #17 of 38 Old 01-15-2012, 04:02 AM
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I've got a little anecdote of my own.

I've been working on training my mustang colt to accept having his feet handled. The first few times I was working on his hind legs, he decided that the best way to get rid of the annoyance I was causing him would be to kick. He wasn't kicking at me, merely expressing his irritation and evading me. Still, it wasn't something that was acceptable. I smacked him on the rump and he wheeled around to face me. That was the very first time I'd ever needed to reprimand him. Yes, he looked surprised and he didn't initially want me standing at his side... but when I calmly returned to what we were doing, he settled down. And you know what? He hasn't pulled off any kicking evasions since.

Point being, if you return to "business as usual" after a reprimand, the horse will learn A) not to pull that crap again and B) not to get wound up and bent out of shape
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post #18 of 38 Old 01-15-2012, 05:41 AM
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In recent months I've finally found the balance with Ella and it involve her wearing a carrot stick string over the arse HARD any time bucking or rearing seemed fun.

Rememb you need to be matching her energy plus a bit so if she's saying No you need to say I SAID MOVE! She must repect you as 'the alpha mare' and the alpha mare would kick her bum if she tried that!

Yes you stuffed up by getting emotional that happens to all of us at one point or another. You need to forget that happened, get your respect back.
As an example:

With our very nervy mare Allie who will try swing around in the stall she cops a sharp slap if she tries to swing, not a chance I'll be pinned against a wall! She then stops fidgeting has a think stands and eventually relaxes. She needs me to be a strong leader, if I'm not up to it she sure won't trust me. Other people she keeps swinging around in the stall then whilst being led and ridden the nervy behaviour continues.

My point is you need to step up and be a leader or your horse will never fully trust you and you wil get hurt
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post #19 of 38 Old 01-15-2012, 08:42 AM
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You know what.. poo happens.
You got mad, your emotions ran amok, and your horse was on the recieving end.
You tried nice, she gave you a big middle finger in rearing, and you reacted in punishing her, not working to fix it. We're human, it happens. As has been pointed out, the horse has probably forgotten about it already- don't beat yourself up about it, but don't forget it either. If you feel yourself with these emotions, or the possibility of them, don't ride or don't put yourself in a situation where you're going to have a..conversation.

Work on it, as others have mentioned, get help. If you don't get a grip of her, and let her know that she puts her feet where you tell her to, the problem may esculate. I suggest going with someone else the next time you trail ride in that area.
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post #20 of 38 Old 01-15-2012, 10:21 AM
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Originally Posted by LadyNeigh View Post
right thoroughly confused everyone!!! there are sooo many different methods here and people are saying bad things about each one!!
i don't do Parelli and don't agree with it to a certain extent

Endiku- join up is used in the wild herds of horses, this is where monty roberts developed it from. the lead mare uses it to chase off offending herd members, so i don't think its 'making friends' as such
Ask 100 horsemen and you'll get 100 different answers! Even if those answers are simply personal interpretation of the same general philosophy.

Simply put, you need to follow your own instincts about what constitutes fair treatment of your horse. If you feel bad for your actions that day (and I would too) then that's okay. Respecting your horse as much as you wish to be respected is perfectly okay. Some people interpret that as letting them be bratty or spoiled and it is not the case at all. Because respect for your horse does not mean that you don't have respect in return. If you let your horse be alpha because you're afraid of hurting her feelings, that's one thing...and something that needs to be worked on, BUT, I don't get that from you at all. You guys had a bad day and figuring out why you both had such a bad day will help you to prevent it in the future. Turn it into a learning opportunity and not just something for which to be regretful.

I agree with Northern that if she was a "snot" on the trail that day, there's more to consider besides plain unruliness. When you consider how a horse thinks, and how it's genetically wired, fear was most likely the base cause for her behavior that day. Could have been a tack issue or other pain issue as well, or it could have simply been her being willful. I mean horses do challenge for standings within the herd frequently so a challenge with you wouldn't be unthinkable. You know your horse best and can probably intuit what her issue was that day. You will encounter challenges, so make a game plan on how you'll better handle your frustration and provide leadership when a situation like this arises again. Being considerate to your horse does not mean giving up your position as leader, it means leading with fairness and compassion.
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Last edited by rockinD; 01-15-2012 at 10:28 AM.
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