My question is: is it wrong or frowned upon to give your horse pats? I have this Parelli follower "trainer" at my barn who comes and works with a few of the horses. She's constantly telling me what I need to do with my horse, "teaching" me how to tack him up etc. I've been around horses for 10 years now, and I admit I don't know everything, obviously. This lady just drives me NUTS with her condescending attitude. She continuously tells me I shouldn't pat my horse on the withers or neck, they don't enjoy it. She says in the herd, a pat is a sign of "go away" or "get out of my space". I'd like to believe her, but I just haven't seen a horse genuinely dislike it. I'd like to please my horse as much as I can, so I do not want to continue doing this if it's true.
Can I get some input on this?
Yesterday she was hovering while I was bridling my horse and continuously said I was doing it wrong. My boy has never had a problem with bridling, so I don't believe I am.
ETA: I have not hired her as a trainer, she just seems to hover while others are working with their horses, also does it to a new boarder and we just cannot stand it anymore. New boarder has no problem telling her to mind her business, but I don't have guts, especially the guts to tell an /elder/(in essence) how I feel. I try not to be rude.
Holy sh!t!!!!:shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock:
Glad your alive and on the mend! What a wreck.
Here is to a speedy recovery!!!! (cheers with a Bud Light can)
LOL no worries, and to someones question....she comes to the barn to help "train"
I believe specifically for a gelding here who is bottom of the totem pole, quiet and sweet etc....but his owner is VERY timid.
Honestly I have not one clue LOL
She comes to YOUR barn. YOU pay board there - not her.
You need to talk to your BO - who needs to talk to her about offering unsolicited advice - harassing and nagging her boarders. More than one person has changed barns due to problem visitors.
One hard and fast rule for outside trainers - they are there to work with a specific horse or person. If they can't handle that - they can work out of someone else's barn.
If a horse is afraid of your 'patting' then it means you're doing something wrong - presenting a threatening attitude rather than a rewarding one so that sort of says something about that Parelli persons way around horses doesnt it
My horses get patted all the time, always before I get off them its a good pat on the neck and ''good girl/good boy' Horses like to know you're happy with them.
If I get a young horse thats not been used to handling I start off with a scratching and rubbing thing and build on that
I actually think that patting a horse and it being OK with it and enjoying it is a really good trust building ex
If a horse is afraid of your 'patting' then it means you're doing something wrong - presenting a threatening attitude rather than a rewarding one so that sort of says something about that Parelli persons
Yes, it may well:wink: But having had a bit of an education with Parelli(albeit not for close to 20 years, so not sure about the 'modern, new fangled' ideas I hear from them...) the principle behind not patting(maybe he should have changed his name with that principle??) is just that horses, cats, women.... etc don't (generally) find it pleasant. Therefore it is not (generally) a positive reinforcement, therefore don't use it as one.
I agree fully with that principle, have found that horses don't tend to like being smacked/patted, but as with all principles, as I remember one of PP's sayings was something like; 'never say never, usually say usually' - in other words, there are always exceptions & if's & buts to any 'rules'.
Your horse is going to read your body language associated with each pat, wack, or what ever else. Its all about how you feel and your relationship with your horse. I can make Ke do stuff easy and other people not so much it works on the same principal. Posted via Mobile Device
Give that lady an earful! I'm very non-confrontational as well, but if my horse refused to take the bit without a treat after she "showed me how to bridle", I would be yelling at her. And swearing. That is completely unacceptable. Tell her off next time you see her, be brave. At this point she is negatively affecting your horse and that is NOT ok, even if she gets mad, do you really care if a person like that likes you? I wouldn't. After that, if she ever offers any more unsolicited advice, ignore her. Give her the cold shoulder. If she says "Let me show you how to ____", cut her off and say "thanks I'm good" or "no thanks" and just walk away.
Whenever someone tries to "teach" me something idiotic, my response is usually to babble, babble, babble! That scares them off.
On a side note, Parker LOVES to be patted. And scratched. And rubbed. He just generally loves contact
. . . Except when he tried to cow kick with his hind/paw at me with his front (yeah, I don't know he didn't fall down) at the same time. He is now a born-again Christian LOL.
xliionesss, I have to agree with the other 100's of suggestions- (and I am a very mild-mannered person) do not let this go on for another day!, The very next time she comes and does this, tell her, "Thankyou for taking such an extreme interest in my horse, but I'm all set and quite sure you have a very busyschedule!"Then talk to your BO the very 1st chance you get - this gal is borderline wacky, and getting her kicks out of bullying others. Tell the BO she may lose your business as the the situation is worsening. You deserve better. "Just Do It!" Best of luck
xlionesss I agree with everyone who said you need to speak up. I'm usually the shy, non-confrontational type myself, but I had someone try and tell me how to work with my boy and I pretty much told them to shove it. I know my horse and what is best for him and I'm positive you know your boy and what is best for him. I don't think there is anything worse than trying to spend time with your horse and feeling like you are being judged by someone who "thinks" they know it all. She needs to back off!
I have one that mugs for attention. He'd be happy if I patted him all day long, as long as I was paying attention to him. Now the other horse is just the opposite. If I patted him he'd step away. Ok, guess who's going to get lots of patting. Whether or not he likes it, it's a form of desensitising. I'll pat him with both hands, all over until he drops his head. Then I'll quit.
Yes, my horse wasn't the only one irritated yesterday when I was riding & a tourist marched up saying how she loooves horses & started smacking him on the face! Glad he's desensitised to it, so he put up with it while I said 'don't smack my horse please' - the look of confusion & shock on their faces when you say that to people - it's never occurred to them that the horse may not enjoy their 'affections'!
When the tourist finished you should have smacked them in the face a few times saying “well aren't you a nice tourist to happily smack away on my horse's face”.
^^ I sure felt like it! That's actually how I get through to kids who invariably reach out for a horse's nose - I reach out for theirs & ask if they'd like a pat on the nose!
Oh, there's no accounting for non-horsey people - last year riding on that same quiet bush trail I took my pony & let him run free with us. Near the end of the ride we met a ranger who said "Do you mind keeping the pony on lead please, because tourists use this trail & he might jump up on someone"!!
I am not a big pat-er if you think about it, if your horse can feel a fly on them what does you pat feel like. NOW, i am not saying don't pat your horse pat away, but think about it and I think a few have said it, but your horse will let you know if its too much.
Yes they can feel a fly land on them but they can also take a kick without much issue. They can be hurt. Just because they can feel a fly land on them doesn't mean that they are as delicate as a flower or china. A pat or even a whack from a training stick has no comparison to a kick. Posted via Mobile Device
I'd have offered "Here, let me show you a better way" and also offered an explanation. People like to touch horses but often don't know how so they just wing it. It's with the best of intentions.
I have also had the tourist pat problem, my reasponse if someone just walks up and starts petting without my permission etc, is usually to smile sweetly and back my horse away, explaining that shes not safe for strangers. (She is safe, but its the only excuse that works for me)
Of course, if anyone comes up to me and asks politely if they may pat my horse, I will dismount, and show them where and how she likes her pats.
Its kinda funny tho, because Shakira has learnt to associate tourists with praise and a rest, so as we canter down the beach her ears will flick to any person who walks past, wondering if they want to say hello. Shes too polite to stop or nicker, however.
Give the horse pats. It lets the horse know that what he did was right and he si a good boy etc.
When he does something good or if you just wanna love on him, pat him. It isn't harmful to anything.
I have a saying that I derived from the book called Spirital Materialism by Rimpoche. The saying is... "sometimes you've got to slap 'em." You can start out by politely setting boundries with her. You might get a little nervous about it. That's part of your healing.Get tough if she chooses to cross the boundries that you have set. Just like with a horse. Just don't hit her (jk). She may need to be embarased. It may be very healing for her to learn, by being told where the boundries are. People might start liking her. Posted via Mobile Device
Ellie, I'm not sure if you're misunderstanding this thread or you meant to reply to a different thread. This one is about giving a pat as praise, not as discipline. Posted via Mobile Device
Ellie, I'm not sure if you're misunderstanding this thread or you meant to reply to a different thread. This one is about giving a pat as praise, not as discipline. Posted via Mobile Device
Buck up and tell her to back off. Some situations call for a little meanness. People will walk all over you otherwise.
Offering to help someone is one thing, but hovering and gushing information (especially to relative strangers) is past her boundaries, and you shouldn't have to put up with it.
Horses aren't stupid. They know the difference between a "good job" pat and a "back off" smack. Your horse will survive being patted. If that's the worst thing that ever happens to him, he's got a darn good life. :wink:
Keep it short and sweet, something like, 'we're doing just fine, thank you'.
Repeat as needed. Don't worry, you will not hurt her feelings!
Eventually she will get the message, sooner, if everyone does/says the same thing!
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