Confidence back to 0....think I will give up my dream. - Page 2 - The Horse Forum
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post #11 of 101 Old 09-02-2013, 07:16 AM
Join Date: Jun 2007
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Many of us lose confidence....and it takes time, the right horse and lots of patience to regain. But, when you do it-it feels so good! Get a trainer, yes, but I will also tell you that some of the best $$ I ever spent was for trainers to work with my horse and for me to watch. In doing that I learned what my horse can do, how he will react, etc. In my case, I know I will never push him as hard as some of the trainers did.....and still, yes, he react "badly" sometimes, but the bottom line is, that he will never do anything dangerous. Knowing that has helped me immensely. That said, I still do not trail ride in large groups, I ride with folks who are patient and we all have an understanding that any any point if one of us in uncomfortable, we go back to a walk. I also avoid riding with horses like you were with. It is a recipe for disaster. But-when my guy gets "antsy"-I have learned NOT to try and stand still. Keep them moving, Even if you just walk in circles. We had to do this earlier this summer at a trail trial. We were waiting to go and there was a horse going nuts in a paddock next to us. I could feel myself getting nervous, as well as my horse. So-we walked until it was our turn to go. It relaxed both of us.

Keep riding, learning and growing. It is a great sense of accomplishment.

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post #12 of 101 Old 09-02-2013, 07:59 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Iowa
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Thank you all for the advice and encouragement! I wanted to share a little background with you. The first time I ever rode a horse I was 10. The horse took off on me rodeo bucking and I fell off. I had the wind knocked out of me and broke my tailbone. Several years later I became friends with a girl with horses and learned to ride. I cherish those memories! I bought Jazz, a 4yo TWH, last November. Owned him for 6 months and never rode him. I couldn't even lead him because he was too much for me to handle. I sold him Memorial Day weekend. After selling him I fell into a bad depression and decided to try horse ownership again. Since owning Cinna (pronounced seena) my confidence has been great. I spend, at a minimum, 3 hours with her each day working with her on the ground, just hanging out, going for walks, and I had rode her 4 times up until yesterday. I rode her in the small paddock and outdoor arena with no problems. Where I bought her, a girl was riding her all over with just a rope halter and lead rope, so I know she is well trained. She has never been pushy towards me and her demeanor stays the same when she is in heat. Again thank you all! This is just what I needed!
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post #13 of 101 Old 09-02-2013, 09:24 AM
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It takes a while to become a team-sounds like you have a nice mare & maybe more arena time & some lessons will get you back on the right track. You both need to learn to trust each other, & that takes some time to build, just as it would w/any life partner.
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post #14 of 101 Old 09-02-2013, 09:58 AM
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I agree with everyone is saying.

The first thing you need to realize is that you STAYED ON!. Remain positive and make sure you always took on the bright side.

My mare is a bolter, so I have to worry about that. I am an optimist, so I will find the bright side here also, my mare will give a warning prior to the bolt. She kicks both hind legs up (like a buck), so she can really dig those hooves into the ground to make that run. Knowing this, once those legs go up, I am prepared to turn her around and stop the actual take off part.

I am taking lessons, only 1 a week, but they are helping me with my confidence. Perhaps start at the beginning and work on the ground for a while, build up to the saddle for a short lesson, a short goal. For me my mare freaks out in a corner of my arena. My first couple of rides where to just walk in that corner and back and be done. We are now almost always working in that corner. My next lesson I am doing the whole thing on my own in that corner. Well that is the plan anyway, we will see how it works out.

My point is, take it slow and do baby steps if needed. I still do not know if I will ever feel totally confident on her, but I know I will eventually be comfortable.

Good luck to you.
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post #15 of 101 Old 09-02-2013, 10:20 AM
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You stayed on and made it home "Yippy".
Five weeks really isn't a lot of time. Lessons will help, and give you the tools you need to feel in control of a situation like this. Also, with time you will get to know your horse and how she reacts to different things.
I'm still pretty careful who I ride with even now. It can be hard enough controlling your on horse without having to worry about someone else's.

So in lies the madness, the pursuit of the impossible in the face of the complete assurance that you will fail, and yet still you chase.
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post #16 of 101 Old 09-02-2013, 12:42 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Iowa
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My friend MADE me get up on her and ride her today in the round pen. It did not go well at all. I know I exacerbated the situation by being a crying mess not wanting to get back on. At one point she did a small rear on me. I got off and my friend who has 20+ years experience rode her. She did the same thing. It could be the bit, but at this point I'm terrified now...
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post #17 of 101 Old 09-02-2013, 02:46 PM
Join Date: Aug 2013
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Originally Posted by IowaPsychRN View Post
I am going to begin by taking lessons. My mare is well broke but I think she was feeding off the other horse when it spooked. It was getting dark out and some kids decided to flash around a flashlight and beat on a fence with stick. I know problem cannot be solved online....I just need some reassurance that maybe I can get over this.
Oh my goodness, I know how you feel. When I started real lessons a month ago with an incredible trainer, I was TERRIFIED. Not scared, terrified! I doubted I could get over that fear and I even started a post on this forum. So many wonderful people responded that they had felt the exact same way, but with time and a good trainer, they were able to overcome it.

Let me share with you something I've learned about fear..."Fear and love cannot occupy the same space at the same time". "Love, compassion, and courage is the opposite of fear". "Fear effects and prevents love". And this one is my motto (that why everyone is telling you to get a trainer): "A good answer to fear is knowledge and understanding. Fear is an instinct which helps us survive; it should not prevent us from living". I don't remember the source of this info - I've been scouring the web, books, and this forum.

I'm taking this journey with you right now. I know we can do it! The horse is an amazing animal that isn't out to get us. We jus need to know how to understand it and lead it.

All the best to you!

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post #18 of 101 Old 09-02-2013, 04:37 PM
Green Broke
Join Date: Oct 2010
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I'm going to be more down to earth about this.

Your riding skills are the problem more than anything else. Or rather the lack of them.

You stayed on, and that is good, but a big difference in staying on out of dumb luck and sheer terror and staying on because the horse could not unseat you.

That is the root of your fear now. You know it was just sheer luck.

And you may have gotten in the habit of babying a horse too much, and making a pet out of it, rather than keeping it a horse. All the leading, talking and spending time with a horse, especially one new to you, will do is to spoil it to point of what you are seeing now.

And this will happen with even the best broke, most dead head horses too. The horses know when a rider/handler does not have a clue as to what they are doing.

If you are graining? You might want to reconsider what you are feeding horse. That can make a difference in how one acts. I've seen some be village idiots on oats. Perfectly fine when put on pellets, and vice versa too. Some do great with sweet feed, others lose their minds.

And sadly, since I think you said horse was underweight? This behavior may be the reason he was starved down. Many will keep a horse too thin because it cuts out some of the behaviors.

At this point, for whatever reason, you have a spoiled horse, that is fast learning that you can't control it, and will more than likely get worse if you don't get some help for both you and horse.

Lessons for you will help a lot, but in the meantime? Quit babying horse is you do, and be careful.

And while your friend may have more "experience" than you do, a lot of it depends on what type, and how good her foundation is too.

Horses make me a better person.

Last edited by Palomine; 09-02-2013 at 04:40 PM.
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post #19 of 101 Old 09-02-2013, 06:15 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Iowa
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I realize my riding skills are the problem and have not suggested otherwise. I also believe the horse broker kept her underfed. They bought her from an auction and lord only knows what her background is. I may not be experienced but I do "have a clue". My time spent with my horse is precious to me and I don't feel I baby her. If grooming, feeding and letting her hand graze since she is in a dirt paddock is babying and ruining her, why bother owning a horse? I currently have her on Strategy 4lbs a day. I will start with training for both of us, but after today I'm not sure i can shake the fear.
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post #20 of 101 Old 09-02-2013, 06:40 PM
Join Date: Jul 2013
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3 hours of hand walking and grooming on a horse does not always create the leadership role that you need to take with a horse. Groundwork with a halter and whip, and moving the horse over obstacles like poles, Bridges and tarps can help. Riding more than once a week to build a good relationship under saddle helps. "A tired horse is a good horse", is my personal motto. I would not trust my youngest sillier horse to be able to come out of the field after sitting for a week or two and take me on a 10 mile hunterpace and not be a bit hot and looky. This may not be the right horse for you, and you may need a more beginner friendly horse with more of a good history on it than an auction horse.
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